7 Weeks

I'm at a slightly different place mentally than I thought I would be at 7 weeks, but I am still very thankful that the IVF worked.  I would have been devastated if nothing had shown up on the ultrasound on Tuesday.

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Here's what's going on with me:

I am so bloated that I can only wear 2 pairs of pants that I currently own.  I never really bloated in my life, so this is new and extremely uncomfortable.  My bloat bump is total second tri.  Hot.

I'm exhausted.  The exhaustion really ramped up this week.  On days where I haven't been able to nap (which seems like way too many lately) I have moments when I seriously can't think straight.  I'm tired as soon as I wake up (although I'm sleeping pretty well besides peeing 2-3 times a night) and I feel like I need a nap by noon.

I'm hungry all the time, but I never really feel like eating anything.  I still can.  But then I feel super full really quickly.  I've always had a hard time deciding what to eat, so I really need to figure this one out and get a routine if possible.

I'm mostly craving carbs and cheese.  (I might have bought an Easy Mac yesterday.  Haven't had one of those since late nights drinking in college.)

My digestion is highly active I guess you could say.  I've had bouts of constipation, but nothing lasting.  I've been eating a lot of fruit so that might be helping.  Gas is ridiculous.  (Sorry.)

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Regarding the quad issue, I'm feeling much better as time goes on.  There's nothing for me to do until next Wednesday when we have our next ultrasound.  Things could change at any moment, so I'm going to try not to worry about it too much.

I also want to say how awesome Mr. GG is.  He's extremely rational, so he's laid out of the things we need to think about and we go from there.  We are able to joke about things which really relieves the tension.  He's also been doing a lot of research which makes me feel like we are totally in this together (obviously we are) but seeing him take an active role is really great.

Thank you all SO much! And the longer version.

I really appreciate all of the super supportive comments!  I felt like I needed a whole post to say so.

Every time I think about what's going on inside of me I feel slightly sick.  It feels kind of like a science fiction alien type of thing.  But I also think it's all going to work out.

A few things that DH and I talked about before leaving the appointment:

1)  We're still glad we transferred 2.  Because if just 1 was triplets, we'd have a huge risk of miscarriage as well as a huge risk of a continued pregnancy.  So we're glad we have the singleton.

2)  We won't decide anything now.  We have to see how everything progresses of course.  The NP said she had seen the exact same case (once) and that that it resulted in a singleton birth.

A note about selective reduction: it typically takes place during the 12 week.  You cannot selectively reduce a "part" of multiples, for obvious reasons.

Let me tell a little more of the "story" now that I got the news out.

The NP that walked in was the funny one which kind of put me at ease, although I felt like puking all day before the appointment.  (Nausea or anxiety? Not sure.)  She also had an intern with her.

Immediately we saw "something" but it was really fuzzy so I didn't have time to feel relief until we saw the 2 "somethings."  We saw 2 eggs sacs right away, right next to each other.  When she went to measure the fetal poles, we still didn't see the third.  But then Mr. GG saw it, then the intern saw it, then we all saw it - a third heartbeat.

At this point I had no idea they were all in the same sac(?).  Then she said "I haven't looked at the other one yet, there are 3 here." And I had to ask her to repeat herself.

When we got to the other side, sure enough, there was another heartbeat.

At one point I laughed.  At another, I covered my eyes.

I kept looking at Mr. GG to gauge his reaction, but he had his eyes glued to the screen and just kept asking questions.  Mind you this is my husband with whom I agreed to only have 1 child before we got engaged.  We have joked about seeing 3 - but like a hilarious impossible joke.  4?  Inconceivable.

The ultrasound took A LONG time and they took  A LOT of pictures and measurements.  I'll put them in another post.

Then finally, we had time to discuss what all of this actually meant.

She was very surprised, but very honest about how rare this is and also how there are no guarantees of what will happen and that weeks 6-8 are the most dangerous weeks (for miscarriage).

Your support means the world to me and makes me hopeful that I might be able to talk about it in the real world.  I'll be careful though.

I didn't prepare for this.

There are 4.

FOUR.

Excuse me?  What was that?

1 is normal.  1 is identical triplets.  The odds of that are like crazy small.  Why am I on that end of the odds now?

I feel like I can't tell people.  Because we will not have 4 babies.  And I don't want to be judged.

The next step is to go back in a week and see how everybody is doing.

Triplets do not have great odds of making it.

I really want to be excited.  But I didn't prepare for this.

It all might work out perfectly.  But now I have something brand new to worry about.

I'm in total shock.

I guess that's all.

(Except that I ask those of you who know me in real life not to say anything.  We are only telling family.  We don't want anyone else to affect our decisions.  Thanks for your continued support.)

Oh and I dropped my phone in the toilet (for the first time ever) before the appointment.  Now I have no speaker.  Awesome.

Trying to Prepare Myself

There seem to be a ton of first ultrasounds in the next few days.  I know of at least 5.

This TWW hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.  I had enough symptoms to keep me occupied and enough business at work to stress me out like crazy.

But the closer it gets, the more nervous I get.

I had a dream the other night that it was triplets.  But that's not what I'm really nervous about.

People have asked if I care whether it's 1 or 2.  I really don't.

I find myself preparing myself for the worst.

I truly believe everything will be ok.  I have no reason to believe it won't be.

But until tomorrow, I really have no idea whether this is real or not.

Which is tiring!

People are excited for me...but I always tell them - wait until Tuesday.  Then we'll be a lot more confident.

I'm tired of waiting.  I want to hear a heartbeat and see a baby and then believe in this pregnancy.  I want to buy books and borrow things from my friends with babies.  But I haven't done anything yet.

Until tomorrow...

6 weeks (plus 1) - And Memorial Day Weekend

It's been a busy week with a busy weekend coming up.

There are 2 weeks of school left (and I thought there were 3) so lots of papers to grade and loose ends to tie up.  Also, lots of parents of students with D's and F's to call.  (My absolute favorite part of my job! Blech.)  On that note I got a few parents who don't speak English and therefore cannot support their students very well.  A few parents who are upset.  A few who are surprised.  And 2 that are like "I have no idea what to do!"  I feel so bad for them because I don't have the answer either.

This weekend is pretty much all booked.

Tomorrow, my sister and I go to our Dad's to celebrate his birthday.

Sunday, we are meeting our friend's new baby (our friends who did IVF).  I'm very excited (and kind of worried I'll cry!)

Monday, we have 2 separate parties to go to.

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But you'd probably rather hear about symptoms.

The biggest change is in my appetite.  I went from wanting to eat everything in site to not wanting to eat at all.  I'm still kind of hungry, I just don't feel like eating.  I'm wondering if this is the beginning of aversions...we'll see.

My boobs continue to get more and more store, but they are always 50% worse in the middle of the night.  Anyone else have that issue?  It started a few weeks ago on the outside of each boob and is slowly moving it's way higher (into my armpits) and around to the middle of my chest

I get occasional heartburn.

Constipation also comes and goes but has not been a problem (I hear the key is fruit.)

The teariness faded last week but is definitely coming back.  I cried on the way to work today listening to a radio story about a mom who called Marvel comics because her 4 year-old son didn't want to wear his hearing aids because super heroes don't wear hearing aids.  Marvel responded first by sending the comic of one of the Avengers who has hearing loss and wears a hearing aid.  But then they created a brand new super hero just for this boy that had a special blue hearing aid (like the boys) that helped him hear where there was trouble around the world.  So sweet!

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The BIG ultrasound is in 4 days.  I think the weekend is the best way to make the time fly.

I'm feeling really confident since I feel like my symptoms are changing and getting stronger, but I'm definitely worried at the same time.

I think if I the the heartbeat (or heartbeats) I will start to feel really positive about this pregnancy.

I hope, hope, hope!

And by the way, I'm feeling singleton at the moment...mostly because symptoms are not too strong, but we will see.  I know I'll feel a bit of a shock if I see two!  And so will DH...he might pass out! : )

Have a happy and safe weekend!

Why I Love My Job (Part 2)

Ok...time to get myself into a better mood.  I started by getting a Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks (since I'm not drinking any caffeine - not even decaf).  Now let's write a happy post.  One I've been planning to write all week.

My seniors graduate in 3 weeks.  Since I teach 10th and AP, I have had a dozen or so of my students for 2 years.  I also have about 5 that I coached in soccer or field hockey.

At the end of the year, I have the students write thank you letters to 3 of their teachers.  Some chose me.  I look forward to these letters every single year.  Because this is why I do my job.

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Here are some excerpts:

"You've not only been a teacher figure in my life, but a mentor.  I know I can come to you with anything and you'll give me great advice." (one of my Freshman soccer players and 2-time English student)

"...you were almost more of a mentor to me rather than my English teacher.  You taught me more than just English, you taught me life lessons.  Such as valuable communication and people skills, how to present myself." (the kid I gave a referral for possibly being on drugs after a crazy group discussion)

"I have never learned so much in an English class before and I actually enjoyed it...What's nice about you is that you get to know your students on a personal level.  That way they are not just students to you but actual people who have certain problems besides not being able to do multiple choice well."

"I feel I've been spoiled the past two years to have such a passionate and understanding teacher.  In my sophomore year you taught me how to read literature, and this year you have taught me how to write.  I cannot express how much you have influenced the person that I have become."

"...with your warm welcoming style of teaching you pushed me to places I thought I could never go."

"Throughout all of elementary school, middle school and my first quarter of high school, I could not see the point of having an English class.  However, your teaching opened my eyes and showed me that a simple sentence can have a thousand meanings behind it."

"You're the only teacher I know that can give out thousands of projects but actually have an impact on my learning."

"I loved those days when you would show us YouTube videos and your wedding photos!" (I was pretty casual with my 6th period AP class at times...we were tired. : ) )

"No matter how much we had to annotate, write essays, and go through what seemed like millions of multiple choice questions, it was all worth it because it really did prepare me for the AP test."

"You have helped me be able to manage my time more efficiently and also helped me have more hope in my mother being able to fight cancer.  If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have know who to go to for help....P.S. My mom's recent CAT scan has shown that her cancer has reduced!" (A student living with his 20 year old uncle while his Dad is in Seattle and his mom is in Hong Kong to get cancer treatment.)

"First of all, I would like to thank you so much for being honestly one of the greatest teachers I've ever had.  My freshman year, my love for English class began to die down due to the lack of actual learning happening. But then, I had you the next year and I feel in love with English all over again."

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I truly love these kids.  This is why I do my job.  I should probably submit this to the local paper!

It's the hormones that are making me bitchy, right?

I'm not the calmest driver, but I usually only get angry at the worst bad-driving offenders.  Either they've surrounded me the last 2 days, or I'm turning really bitchy.

I chewed a student out yesterday too.  He totally deserved it.  He's deserved it for months.  He's the kind of kid that always denies everything I say he's done.  "I wasn't sleeping."  "I wasn't talking." Etc.  Well yesterday I warned the class that if they slept during Romeo and Juliet, they would get a zero on their notes and would have to go to another classroom to do an alternate assignment.  When I politely reminded the student of this  - a warning - he said "What is the point of watching this anyway?"  I said "Fine, don't" and got materials ready for the other class (after he denying doing anything and argued with me.

I rarely let my temper surface at school, mostly because it's not my character and it's hard for me to get yelling-angry.  But I let him have it.

Last night was fine, but this morning the rage is back.

It could have to do with Stella peeing on my bed at 4 a.m.  What the hell?  She is completely potty trained.  We don't let her sleep with us.  But we do let her up with us in the early morning.  (We leave the door open down stairs.  Often, she comes up for a second, then goes down to pee, then comes back.)  Today she just peed, then left.  At 4 a.m.  It's only happened once before - about a month ago.  I think it's because DH is out of town...she's punishing me?  Great.

So if this is moodiness.  I've got it.

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I also must say something about the losses this week.  I don't follow everyone who experienced a loss this week, but I do follow Belle at Scrambled Eggs.  I am so sad for her and everyone else.  I so wish there was something I could do to make it better, but it's pretty much impossible.  So just sending my love.