Potty Training Hasn't Killed Me...Yet

So I see that just two posts ago (last August) I wrote about the challenging beginning to our potty training journey. I hear my frustration back then, but what's funny is that I was only 3 or 4 weeks in! Nine months later, Dylan is still not "potty trained." Really. It's been a long and crazy road. We've had special meetings at school to discuss his progress or lack thereof since all kids who go there are supposed to be potty trained.

I've been sad, frustrated, elated, hopeful, and beyond embarrassed over these last 9 months. We've had recent days at school where there are 4 bags of dirty undies waiting for us outside the front door. It's like a walk of shame for me every day.

But this is a good week! Dylan has initiated his own poops 4 times this week (two of which were a little late, but close...) we had three days at school with no accidents at all! He gets really excited to tell everyone "I had no accidents!"

So like I've felt at other points, I feel close.

The hardest thing has been trying to keep the process positive for Dylan especially since he has a ton of different caregivers in his life. We've had to back off many many times. We do not make him sit ever unless we are about to go somewhere and it's been a very long time since he peed. (Pee has been mostly fine from the get go, although he did pee in the pantry just last week.)

I have no advice except to keep it positive on all ends, but I did want to share our journey. Besides the NICU, this is the absolute hardest parenting issue we've dealt with. Luckily he's basically just a joy and an easy kid in just about every other way.

A Wonderful Afternoon

(Is it weird to just post like I've been here the whole time? I have a lull in work, and a night with my little boy that I don't want to forget. So here it is.)

It wasn't wonderful before I got home. I am in the middle of a huge visit at work (two years in the making - although lots of downtime and waiting) and then I got caught in a freak hail storm while walking to my car. (In Southern California mind you.)

When I got home, Dylan announces that he and Grandma are making me dinner. He's thrilled about this! He didn't eat the dinner my mom had already prepared for him, but he ate what I was eating instead.

He wanted to make pillow tunnels on the couch, so we did.

He wanted to show me the stick shaped like a Y that he found on a walk, so he did.

He was so 100% happy that I asked my mom if he'd been like that all afternoon. He had.

The most fun part of the night was putting out fires. Dylan was using a stack of batteries as his fire hose. He'd say "Is there another emergency?" And then I'd freak out. "Oh no! My toes are on fire!" He'd put them out and then we'd pretend the next one. He saved our lives many times last night! Pretend play can be so much fun.

When his nanny came today, she said the same thing. He was in such a good mood. They danced for 10 minutes together before school yesterday.

At bedtime, he didn't fight me. He thought it would be funny to hide behind the big chair and so I let him. Then to lure him out I pretended I couldn't find him saying "I hope Dylan doesn't get me!" Guess what. He got me! Three times! And then I successfully got his PJs on.

He chose three simple Leslie Patricelli books to read: Fa la la, Baby Happy Baby Sad, and Huggy Kissy. Ones we've been reading for two years. So he pretty much read them to me. He even sang the Fa la la off key.

Before stories he wanted to give me some pretend soup. So then he decided he want some "sick" stories. Sick Dylan, sick Mommy and Daddy, sick Stella (our dog). For each story, we made soup. We put in all the ingredient, stirred it up, waited for it to bubble, put it in a bowl, then ate it up. And guess what. The sick person then felt all better! For Stella I asked what she'd want in her soup and he added grapes, watermelon and a bone. I asked if she wanted a tennis ball too and he said "No! Balls are for playing! Silly mommy." (Silly mommy is another one of his favorite story genres.)

We switched to a big boy bed a little over a week ago, so now he wants me to cuddle with him, except not lay on any of his blankets. Which is impossible. So then he kicks me out saying I'm too big and I sing one last story next to his bed.

I love this little kid so much.

#MicroblogMonday - this kid is a fish

We did 8 days of swimming lessons this summer at our community pool. Everyday he begged to go home part way through. He was swallowing water and would only jump from his bum. But by the end of the lessons everything just clicked and now he can't be stopped!

Potty Training

Potty training feels too big to write about...so maybe it's perfect for a Microblog Monday.

Dylan did something new last night. He peed in his car seat. :/ Then he pooped in his wet undies before I'd even changed them (while I was stripping his car seat). 

But he followed that up today with a legit poop in the potty.

Baby steps. (Overall he's doing well, but this is one of the hardest parenting milestones for me to deal with. Especially while moving...)

#MicroblogMondays - Just Keep Swimming

We are in the midst of moving (nearby) and to make a complete understatement, I'm overwhelmed. I found a new preschool for Dylan but they require all kids to be potty trained. There was only one spot left so I jumped on it and just hoped the potty training would be easy. Dylan's doing pretty well, but the pressure of needing it to be done ASAP is just too much, so I'm backing out of the preschool. I feel relieved. I'll write more about these potty training adventures soon!

Silencing the Voice in my Head

Alternately titled: "Trying to be okay with my body." Even as I typed that, I thought it really should be "love" my body, but that seems a lot harder and farther away than "okay with" so that's where I'm at.

I love all of this internet posts about mom bodies and embracing your body. I silent cheer all of these women on. But it's a lot harder to apply the same lesson to myself. I've also probably never gone a day without criticizing my body. If I really broke it down in minutes, it would easily be an hour a day thinking about my arms or my stomach or my back looking fat. I'll criticize the way my shoes look with my outfit. At Disneyland a few weeks ago, I felt so bad about how I looked that I took my socks off for a bit to try to look a little better. I even bought a different shirt to wear. Stupid. I don't want to be this way though. And I'm working on it.

One way I'm working on it, is changing up my wardrobe. I'm working on buying clothes, including swimwear, that make me feel the best so that I can silence the critical and self-conscious voice in my head that makes social events a lot less fun. I'm trying to find the right fit and coverage so that I feel as good as possible. Part of this is buying more "uniform" type clothes that I know I like and limiting my choices.

This is also the year that I officially switch to a one piece bathing suit. Last year was a transition. I still felt weird in a one piece (and probably still will for awhile), but I felt even more uncomfortable in a two-piece. I wish the one-pieces out there were a little more fashionable or that the tankinis worked for short people (the tanks are super wide and hang over the bottoms...), but I'm trying to find suits I really love like designer suits with nicer fabric and support. I've been finding great ones a Marshall's for cheap!

The clothes are helping. And I'm mostly okay with my body right now. I look pretty good in clothes. I'm not a huge fan of how I look not in clothes, but I have a solution for that too...I think.

I don't need to look like a model to be happy with my body. But I'm pretty sure I won't be happy unless I feel like I'm in shape. I've participated in sports for most of my life and have been a haphazard runner/yogi. I took the pressure off of myself and basically gave myself permission not to work out and not to even think about working out for most of the last year. I needed that. But I also know that a) working out is good for my health, b) I will never be fully satisfied unless I am working out an average amount and c) I feel good when I actually do it. It's not easy with a kid though and the only reason I feel like I can do more this summer is that Dylan has a such a set routine AND he's going to start preschool two mornings a week.

What I'm not willing to do: workout all of the time. I've lived with myself long enough to know my patterns and what I can stick to. That means running about 2-3 times a week and getting to about 2 yoga classes a week (Honestly...adding those together sounds like too much, but I'd like to do both). I don't need to start working out every single day to be satisfied with myself, but I need to do something.

What I decided to add was some body-weight exercises at home. I have a few friends who coach for Beach Body. I'm pretty sure I would love Insanity. But I don't feel the need to pay for videos or a system (and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch the videos anyway...I just won't). So I found a short routine on Pinterest that is different every day of the week. It seems to use most of the same body weight exercises that are in all of the different programs and seems to focus on a different muscle group each day (while still hitting all of them). And it only takes 10-15 minutes. Now on the one hand, that sounds like not enough time to even count as working out. But it's strength exercises with a bit of cardio that I don't do right now. So I figure adding a bit of that daily (during naptime) and then getting in a few runs and a couple of yoga classes and I'll be set. I still don't know how to do this during the school year though...

What I'm not going to do, diet. I'm not even going to give up alcohol. I don't do super well with giving things up. When I'm not allowed something at all, I obsess. It would probably work better for me to limit myself to two days a week. I am good with rewards and delayed gratification : ). I will basically quit dessert and treats because I don't need them, but otherwise, I'm going to continue what I'm already doing, eating not huge amounts of pretty healthy foods.

I think that's enough for me to accept whatever my body looks like.

It's a daily struggle and I truly do not understand people who say they are truly comfortable with themselves. I'm not and have never been, but I'd like to be and I'm working on it.

#Microblog Mondays - Stress and Being Assertive

This is always the craziest time and it's put the blog on the back-burner, but I do have time for a micro-post today.

I think it must come down to stress...because that's about all I can think about right now.

What's stressing me out?

• Our Principal is leaving...so much uncertainty...
• We are house-hunting. I don't know where we will be living next Fall and we have tons to do before we can list our house.
• Preschool - I'm going to send Dylan to one by our current house over the summer, but since I don't know where we will be living in the Fall, I can't even research new options or get on waiting lists. This one REALLY stresses me out!

That's it, but it's all very big for me, especially number 1. I have had to be more assertive than I'm used to to fight to be on the panel to select the next one. I'm trying to make decisions based on how I think a man would handle the situation, but as an over-thinker that leads to...A TON OF OVERTHINKING. It's weird to come to the point of more experience and authority in your career and have to deal with more gender-based issues. If I leave it alone, I'm afraid I'll come off as too passive. But if I speak up for myself too strongly, I risk being seen as "bitchy." Trying to walk a fine line has my wound up very tightly. Blah.