My Water Broke...(Hospital Update - 25 weeks)

I've been starting posts over the last few days, but they just haven't been quite right and then I've been interrupted.  But I'm sure you're wondering how baby and I are doing!

We hit 25 weeks (in utero) which is a really huge milestone.  Much bigger than 24 in the NICU world.  His overall viability increased to 80%.

Starting Saturday night, my contractions got painful and they stayed that way up until yesterday.  They increased my Mag and gave me a bunch of Terbutaline shots, but nothing made them hurt less and nothing spaced them out further than 5 an hour.  I also found out that my cervix has continued to shorten from 3 cm when I came in, to about 1 a couple of a days ago.  I'm 1 cm dilated.

On Tuesday night, I was moved back from ante-partum to Labor and Delivery.  I was actually really pissed because it happened right after the nurse's shift change and I think she was just feeling "busy," not that I was changing.  So they moved me to a dungeon of a room (no windows) and tried to put me on a bed pan.  I almost had a panic attack thinking of the bed pan and almost refused altogether.  BUT...I follow authority and I tried it.  When I really couldn't do it (and it was really uncomfortable and probably increased my contractions), they let me use a bedside commode (like a portable toilet).

I expressed my frustration (mostly through tears) with every aspect of that evening and in the morning got bathroom privileges back and I got moved to a room with a window.  Yay.

You have no idea how much the small things, like a window, add when you are in the hospital for weeks at a time.  I also have a big wall calendar that visitors sign and we mark down the days and the milestones.  A little rolly-cart with random stuff and lots of plants and snacks and magazines from friends and family. When they make you move, they give you about a 10 minute notice.  Luckily, Mr. GG was there at the time to pack up all of my stuff in a way that I wouldn't freak out about.

*     *     *     *     *

But you probably want to hear how I am now.  Well...we got the contractions under control yesterday and I am SO much more comfortable.  But then, my friggin water broke.  I just went to the bathroom, came back, and felt more liquid than normal, that's it.  The doc confirmed 70% that it was my water, although I still have some left (it was probably a high leak).

So most people deliver within 48 hours of their water breaking.  But some can make it for quite awhile, most commonly, about 2 weeks.  The big risk factor now is infection, so I'm on new antibiotics.

I'm also still bleeding.  It seems like a lot to me, but the doctor is not extremely concerned at this point (until it becomes more).

So we sit tight until 1) I bleed too much and need baby out 2) baby's heart-rate drops 3) I show signs of infection (elevated temp, tender belly).

We had another consult with NICU to understand what things will look like after birth and although it was mostly information I expected or knew, the doc was super calm and comforting and just seemed like an awesome guy to have around my the preemies.  They also said that they already have a bed made up for Baby GG...and that hopefully it stays empty for awhile longer.  (Sidenote: a brand-spanking new NICU with private rooms that we can stay in with the baby is opening at the end of the month.)

*     *     *     *     *

Anyway...we've had a rough few days, but oddly enough, my water breaking was not the bad part.  I feel like baby could come very soon, but I'm definitely hanging on and being thankful for every day he stays put.

This is Getting Old

At some point last week I kind of felt like a fake - like everyone else in the hospital was there for a legitimate reason and that I wasn't really.  I've done this to myself before, thinking my issue is less significant or whatever, but the bottom line is.  THEY admitted me and never said that I could go.

Unfortunately - I don't feel like a fraud anymore.  Many of my nurses have told me to "stay boring."  Well the last couple of days have been far from boring.

This will recap the last post a touch, but whatever...

Two days ago (while Mr. GG was here - things always seem to happen when he's here), the contractions started to hurt.  Throughout the week I was rating them 0-2 on the pain scale.  I could feel them and they felt weird and tight, but they didn't hurt.  The contractions on Sat night were coming every 5 minutes and were a 5 or 6 on the scale.  That's when they gave me my first Terb shot as well as a 1mg bolus of Mag.  And it worked...until the next morning when the contractions started picking up again - still moderately painful.  So they did the Mag and Terb again.

The third Terb was in the evening I think.  It worked magically for an hour, then I started having contractions again.  "We" decided just to watch them and stop shooting me up with drugs.  So overnight, they increased to about a 7 but did not increase in frequency (3-4 an hour I think but maybe it was more).  I kept telling the nurse that these were more painful, but the odd thing is that the monitor has been having trouble picking up these more painful contractions.  They are lower, like really bad menstrual cramps, and spread out through my upper legs.  So she didn't want to call the doc until she saw a pattern.  Frustrating.  I basically didn't sleep from 12 to 4 am.  Well...I kind of did in a weird dream-like state of pain.  I'd wake up and try to remember to tell her that I just had one, then I'd wonder - "Did I just have one? I'm pretty sure I did.  Why else would I have paged her?"  I'm losing my mind a bit.  They ended up giving me a 4th shot at 4 am.

I was also dreaming of epidurals.  I think that is about the amount of pain where I would start asking for one.  But girls who are trying not to deliver babies don't get epidurals.  They get to suck it up.  Fun.

Today they measured my cervix again and it's a bit shorter (2.1-2.4) but still not in any kind of danger zone.  They don't think I have an infection and don't think I have a placental abruption (based on temps and blood work).  So there is no harm to baby or myself right now (besides my sanity which I can deal with).   So whenever these contractions start, we'll just try to stop them.  Until we can't.  Or I'm distressed or baby is distressed.

I definitely know I need to be here, that's not really a question.  I'm not feeling like I'm missing things out in the real world yet.  I think that'll be ok until the holidays.  But I am starting to get jealous of the regular pregnant people.  Starting?  Who am I kidding, I've been jealous for years now...I'm used to that too.  Wearing your cute maternity clothes.  Having your beautiful baby showers.  Driving.  Working.  Shopping.  (It's ok though pregnant blogger friends.  I am still happily following along.  I take most of my animosity out secretly on strangers or random uber-fertile FB friends.)

I just want to know that in the end, my baby will be ok.  Then everything is worth it. I do believe that is true, but I want a cosmic guarantee.

Terbutaline

Let's see how writing a post while on Terbutaline goes...  Is this what speed feels like?

My contractions have gone a bit nuts in the past 24 hours and I've ended up having 3 Terbutaline shots (a muscle relaxer that also speeds up your heart) as well as 2 1 mg Mag boluses.

Last night the contractions started to hurt and they were coming more like every 3 minutes or so (in my less than accurate count).  They made me totally think about how awesome epidurals must be.  The pain was the kind that made me stop listening or doing what I was doing and need to just breathe for a bit.  But not crying pain.  It was kind of a like really bad menstrual cramps - they radiated down and across my upper legs.

The Terb and Mag seem to stop it, but the worrisome thing is that I've now had 3 episodes of frequent painful contractions in the last 24 hours.  That doesn't seem good to me.  I met with a doc this morning, but I'll have a whole host of new questions tomorrow.

The frustrating thing is that I don't have any of the specific issues of preterm labor like a shortened cervix, broken water, I'm not effaced.  I'm just frickin slowly bleeding somewhere (not from baby...maybe from placenta) and either the contractions are causing the bleeding or the bleeding is causing contractions.

This is going to be a super long road if this is what it's going to look like.   But the alternative looks so much worse!  So anyway...no answers here, just updates.

(I'll write a more coherent post in the morning!)

Lots of Tears Today, but Not due to Baby (Day 6)

Today has hands-down been the worst day in the hospital so far.  Well, Saturday might have been worse be cause it's the day I lost my pregnancy freedom, but today definitely sucked.

Here's a picture to start my story:

So IVs are apparently supposed to be switched every 4 days to avoid infection and what not.  They gave me an extra day because mine was comfortable and my veins have been so difficult.  But today was the day.  I asked the nurse early when she expected that we would change it since I was already nervous.  Boy oh boy did I have a need to be.

First, my regular nurse tried.  After she failed, my skin was sticking out in a blob about a half an inch from my inch.  I'm not very squeamish, but I do not like when my arms change shape when they are not supposed to.

So she called an anesthesiologist.  He was a younger guy.  A TCU fan.  We chatted a bit.  Then he missed his stick on one arm and then blew the vein on my other hand.  That gauze in the upper right portion of my wrist is him.

So they called another anesthesiologist.  But he never came.

So this other nurse swore that nurses do it better than anesthesiologists anyway.  She blew one on my right arm and then got the successful stick in the hand of my left.  (The other large gauze is from my previous IV.)

If you're counting, that's 5 sticks, one IV.  Two of the 5 sticks will leave massive bruises, the other 2 were ok (I guess).

I think I was teary after my arm blew up the first time.  Then I really cried after the 3rd one.  Then in the middle of all of this, the resident comes in and turns my Mag up because I'm having so many contractions.  I'm pretty sure most of the contractions were crying and the others were caused by terror and pain.  But now I'm back on 2mg.  I'm holding off the woozy-drunkenness pretty well, but I feel it coming.

So instead of finishing a school project this morning, all I successfully did was get an IV in my hand.

But then my mom came and organized my room (I added a rolling cart to hold all my stuff and a wall calendar to help me keep track of the time) and my good friend came and brought me a small Jamba Juice (since I'm still fluid restricted).

And now The Princess Bride is on and I'm relatively relaxed.

And only lab techs and the most experienced nurses will be touching my veins (as I tearfully asked the Charge Nurse who appeared in the middle of the madness).

The problem is that no one believe that I'm a difficult stick because they can see my veins.  But then they roll or they break because they are fragile.

(Guess I hadn't quite let it go yet.)

Day 6 - Night 7 - Signing off.

(Well...super quick update: I'll be on Mag until Monday because they wanted to get me to 24 weeks (tomorrow), but they don't want to take me off on a weekend when my normal doc is not here.  So on Monday, we wean, then we watch.  For like a week.  If I'm stable after that (and not bleeding at all - it's still lingering) then I could go home.  I don't really see that happening though...)

Keep Baby Inside. No Bleeding. (Hospital Update #3 - Day 5)

I just noticed that my last update says $2, not #2.  Oh well...I'm on meds.

I am pleased to announce that I am now only getting my blood drawn every 12 hours!  WooHoo!  I was on every 6 to check my Magnesium levels and boy is my right arm bruised.  They're only allowed to stick that arm because the IV is in the left.  I don't have cooperative veins.  They're small.  They roll around.  This has been quite fun.  4 different nurses had to stick me twice to actually find blood.  The best one was at 3:30 in the morning.  She turned all of the lights on in the room first, then took a half an hour to stick me twice and keep moving the needle around inside my arm.  It was lovely.

Last night they called the lab tech to take my blood instead.  It turns out that I taught both her daughter and son!  Funny.  I would say small world, but my school is very Philipino and nursing is the #1 most popular profession, so whenever I see a Philipino nurse I check their name tag.

*     *     *     *     *

Medically, I don't have a good update, but not a bad one either.  I'm still bleeding although it's not flowing at all. I find it when I have a BM (bowel movement - I'll just say that one once...).  They can't find a source or cause of the bleeding which is mostly good, but of course this still concerns them.

My contractions have been pretty consistent.  My high is still 6-7 an hour but I have periods with much fewer also.  They are not painful at all, but some cross the line into slightly uncomfortable.  I do feel almost every one.  This means they might decide to put my Magnesium back up (we lowered it because I was pretty stable and it was making me a sick zombie).  

I also started steroid shots today.  I'll get one today one tomorrow.  (Butt shots.  Ow.  I avoided those with my IVF.)  The steroid will help the baby's lungs mature in case he is delivered early.  

*     *     *     *     *

School is all set which is a huge relief.  I felt like I was abandoning all of my kids...just after I really started to get to know them.  But I found a great sub who is going to write all of the plans so I'm off the hook!  And I can feel confident that they are still getting a great education.

My puppy is a bigger worry/stressor.  We've been taking her to day play since Mr. GG doesn't have a lot of time to spend with her in the evening.  Usually I get home around 4...  He doesn't get home until 6 and then he comes to see me.  She's also spending half the week at my sister's with her cousin Roxy : ).  But I know that if I am released to go home (to strict bed rest), I won't be able to have her around all day. She's too rambunctious.  So I guess we will just stick with the day play and then when Mr. GG is home it will be ok.  I miss her : (.  I hope she doesn't think I've abandoned her!

*     *     *     *     *

By my count I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow, but by the hospital's, it's on Friday.  Either way...24 is big.  Viability!  (Although I've learned a lot more about this in the last week and a baby can be viable before 24 AND 24 still has very discomforting odds.)  The goal written on my "Labor and Delivery Plan" (hah) is "Keep Baby Inside.  No Bleeding."  That's what I'll be working on for the time being.

Thanks for all of your support!

7 Weeks

I'm at a slightly different place mentally than I thought I would be at 7 weeks, but I am still very thankful that the IVF worked.  I would have been devastated if nothing had shown up on the ultrasound on Tuesday.

*     *     *     *     *

Here's what's going on with me:

I am so bloated that I can only wear 2 pairs of pants that I currently own.  I never really bloated in my life, so this is new and extremely uncomfortable.  My bloat bump is total second tri.  Hot.

I'm exhausted.  The exhaustion really ramped up this week.  On days where I haven't been able to nap (which seems like way too many lately) I have moments when I seriously can't think straight.  I'm tired as soon as I wake up (although I'm sleeping pretty well besides peeing 2-3 times a night) and I feel like I need a nap by noon.

I'm hungry all the time, but I never really feel like eating anything.  I still can.  But then I feel super full really quickly.  I've always had a hard time deciding what to eat, so I really need to figure this one out and get a routine if possible.

I'm mostly craving carbs and cheese.  (I might have bought an Easy Mac yesterday.  Haven't had one of those since late nights drinking in college.)

My digestion is highly active I guess you could say.  I've had bouts of constipation, but nothing lasting.  I've been eating a lot of fruit so that might be helping.  Gas is ridiculous.  (Sorry.)

*     *     *     *     *

Regarding the quad issue, I'm feeling much better as time goes on.  There's nothing for me to do until next Wednesday when we have our next ultrasound.  Things could change at any moment, so I'm going to try not to worry about it too much.

I also want to say how awesome Mr. GG is.  He's extremely rational, so he's laid out of the things we need to think about and we go from there.  We are able to joke about things which really relieves the tension.  He's also been doing a lot of research which makes me feel like we are totally in this together (obviously we are) but seeing him take an active role is really great.