Bottle Weaning...dun. dun. dun.

I was terrified of bottle weaning (and I still kind of am). My pediatrician says we can rest a little easier once Dylan hits 20 pounds, but he's still not there yet (at 13 months) and so worry, I do!

I knew we needed to bottle wean around a year. We introduced a sippy cups...well a variety of sippy cups...to Dylan starting at about 6 months. He didn't understand them and usually choked on the thin water (he's bottles were thickened). Eventually I bought a version that was basically a nipple and he did okay with it, but that really defeats the purpose of bottle weaning.

I bought at least 5 different types of sippy cups and straw cups and I even bought a honey bear sqeezy straw that is used in feeding therapy.

But I never really wanted to start because I didn't want Dylan to lose any weight in the process! At 12 months we were switching to Whole Cow's Milk (fortified with powdered Whole Cow's Milk) and DYlan had an ear infection, so it wasn't time to pull the trigger.

But Mr. GG had a business trip all of last week so the nanny was going to be with Dylan longer than normal and I figured it was as good a time as any.

After sucking on all of the sippys and knowing that Dylan didn't really understand how to suck from a straw, I eventually decided on the Take & Toss sippys.  Even though they don't have a valve, they are slower than some, they had a hard spout, and it was cheap to buy a bunch of them.

My ped said the bare minimum liquid that D should have in a day was 6 oz.  On day 1, that's about all he took and so after a lot of debate, I decided to give him a bottle at bedtime (after starting with sippy).  But each day was a little bit better than the last and I only did the night-time bottle for the first two days.  (Dad also gave Dylan a morning bottle the first two days of this week because he somehow wasn't listening...hmm.) But Dylan is now 100% on sippy cup and is eating between 10 and 14 ounces a day. It's not an awesome amount, but it'll work for now.

There were a few consequences of bottle weaning:
1) Dylan started eating larger solids meals! Score! A typical meal is still only about 2-3 ounces of solids, but he's had a few meals over the past couple of weeks that have been closer to 6! I hope this continues.

2) He learned how to suck and swallow thinner liquid.  I think this is why the volume is increasing so slowly. His brain had to somewhat re-learn how to swallow and he's had to learn how to control the faster flow of liquid. This was my #1 fear when weaning, but I think we're okay!

3) Dylan learned to suck! (on something besides his bottle) You know the pouches of food that most babies suck down in seconds? Well Dylan would just bite on the end of it and I'd squeeze a bit in his mouth (or we'd use a spoon).  Now he'll suck down 2-3 ounces in 30 seconds.  SO MANY CALORIES. SO LITTLE TIME! It's a revolution for us.

I actually don't think we'll stay with sippys for too long. Now that he's learned to suck, I think he can handle straw cups so we'll probably switch to those soon (just to see if he'll take more volume).

But for now...we're still a little worried that he's taking in less calories than before, but it's close.  So bottle weaning is pretty much a success!

A Real Love

I wasn't planning to write a Valentine's Day post, but reading some others made me feel like a should. I have loved Valentine's Day forever. It's a big, fun day for me. But I don't have a mushy heart-shaped story to tell today. I want to talk about our real love.

I saw an infographic on pinterest the other day and it made me feel a little bit better about my relationship with Mr. GG.

Full Infographic at Happify

We are squarely in the 67%, but who's to say whether it was infertility and IVF, having a premature baby and a 5 months hospital stay, or just who we are that has put us where we are today.  I do think the first two play a small role, but in some ways, they've made us closer.  The biggest factor is our (different) personalities.

The key though: we love each other and want to be married. I don't see that changing any time soon.

But we've got some work to do to make our marriage fun again, to really get the real love back.

The good news is that we are trying and we didn't really stop trying. The keys for us are hot tub time (where we actually talk to each other) and date nights...even if it's just dinner and a movie. Family outings are also really helpful.  What we need todo is both be nicer to each other (mostly in how we talk to each other).

I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago that was mostly a disaster, but the ceremony was one of the best I've witnessed. Mr. GG was more focused on betting the over/under on the length of the ceremony with his friends, but I was listening and the officiant said two things that were not revolutionary, but they really spoke to me.

1) Marriage is not 50/50.  If you expect 50/50, you'll always be disappointed because people tend to overestimate their own effort and underestimate the other person's. Mr.GG actually does a ton and I really do recognize it...I'm just not sure whether I say it out loud enough. He needs to hear that I value the amount of time he spends taking care of Dylan. But he definitely undervalues what I do and I want to be appreciated too.

2) Put your partner's needs before your own. I'm sure this can backfire in some situations, but it's something we need to do more. It feels nice to give (if you don't feel like it's all you do) and giving breeds giving. We used to be more like this. Having a child has definitely been a factor in this one. It's harder to plan ahead to do something nice for Mr. GG when I'm living moment to moment. And I am really bad at planning ahead and making decisions which ends up paralyzing me and making nothing happen.

The wedding felt a little bit like therapy and it was nice.

My husband is not an emotional person. At all. And I have sort of always known that and I need to work to keep accepting it because that part is not going to change. (And don't think he's not funny, silly, caring, or any of that other good stuff.) He's just not emotional. He is much less than effusive in expressing his feelings.  And I think this is squarely where my issue lays. I need more than I'm getting. I need to feel the love.

And he needs things from me too.

I'm not exactly sure how to close this because it's a work in progress. It's our real Valentine's Day story. Our marriage is a work in progress...which is a good thing!  But we still have a lot of room for improvement.

So maybe I should get to planning some kind of V-day surprise for tonight like I have been contemplating...still a few hours left.  (We're going out to dinner tomorrow night.)

I think it's harder to talk about our marriages than infertility or sleep or feeding issues and just like in every other area, there seem to be perfect soul mate couples everywhere you turn. But there are many, many more couples who care about each other but have to work to make it work. Let's be real!

My Anxiety

I need to grade papers right now. Ironically (or sadly), they are the same papers I needed to grade when I posted on Monday. That probably does affect my type of anxiety, but it's not the main factor.

I really worry about how people perceive me. A lot. My department chair emailed me this morning and asked me to come by during my prep. She probably wants to run something by me about our meeting this afternoon. But I won't be able to stop worrying that she's upset with me about something until after I've met with her. Which makes concentrating on grading essays very difficult.

I really care about my job and profession. I'm very opinionated and I speak my mind. But at the same time, I'm very aware of perceptions and always try to frame things in a way that will be accepted and will not piss people off. And I'm wondering if I talked too much yesterday at our meeting. I don't really think so and I think what I said was important, but I don't want to step on anyone's toes or annoy anybody. And I can't stop worrying about it until someone tells me that I don't need to.

I'm talking with my principal about taking a leadership role for part of the day next year. It's scary, but I want to do it. But he said not to talk about it with anyone. I haven't...except the dept chair...who already knew about the position and thought I should do it so I figured it was okay. But I got a call from him during class later that day and while waiting for him to come on the line, completely freaked out. He knows I talked to P. He's pissed. I won't be able to do the position anymore. Etc. Etc.

But really he wanted to ask me to talk to another teacher about something I had already talked to her about.

I wish I was liked husband who couldn't give two shits about what people think. He literally does not get embarrassed. (To a fault...). 

But I care a lot and it makes me anxious and it makes me not get work done which makes me feel guilty which makes me feel more anxious.

ETA: It was just a normal chat...just like the rational part of my brain thought. Stupid.

In other news, dinner last night was not the simplest affair. 3 spoons. Yogurt throughout the hair and eyes when I was fetching the 3rd spoon. Lots of food on the floor. And 3 mouthfuls of sand at the park. 1) after falling off a step...tears 2) shoveling it into his own mouth with his hand 3) going straight to the source, mouth to sand #raisingboys! (And I say that not because girls don't do these things, but because I sure didn't when I was little. Ick.)

ETA: I broke my own rules by meeting a friend and her son at the park yesterday. Just learned he left school puking. Now I'm terrible mother on top of the rest. (Called Grandpa who's with Dylan today and he's totally fine at the moment.) 

A New Post

I really want to write a blog post and I have a new goal to write at least once a week...but I have to grade 50 essays in the next 2 hours, so now is not the time.

Hopefully you will settle for this instead:

Up next...the fearsome "Bottle Weaning."

If there was no puke in my life...

...I'd be a much happier lady.

Dylan has had reflux forever and that may be a factor in the puke, but I don't think it's necessarily the answer.

There are two main pukes:

1) Immediately After Bedtime Bottle Puke

2) Middle of the Night Puke

The Immediately After Bedtime Bottle Puke consists of mostly "milk" (Pediasure or formula at the moment) but also has nice little chunky bits of dinner.  It's really convenient that it happens immediately before bed...right when Dylan is super sleepy.  Usually when I'm transferring from the rocker to the crib.  When I'm lucky, I get all of the puke on me so I can just strip off my clothes, get another bottle (he always eats after and has never thrown up a second time) and we move on.  The lights stay off...not too bad.

But on other nights Dylan pukes all over the rug.  Or on one night, all the way from the rug in his room to the kitchen sink.  On those nights, lights come on, I have to find a spot for Dylan to chill in while I clean puke off the rug or strip his bed, etc.  Then we repeat the bottle and bedtime is just pushed back a half an hour or so.  (Or the carseat pukes....those are probably even worse.)

The MOTN Puke is the more worrisome and baffling.  Google says it could be low blood sugar, or a brain tumor....or reflux.  Don't worry; I'm not going off the deep end, I'm sticking with reflux as the most plausible answer for now.  Dr. S (The Ped) thinks that his ear infection caused most of the MOTN puking.  (This puke is orangey-yellow, full of bile, with some partially digested food sometimes.) D has only woken up crying during one of the MOTN pukes and so in the morning we find him, with his hair plastered to his head and a pukey bed.  (So sad and upsetting as a parent!)

But then last weekend he puked in the middle of the day!  It was after a bottle as I was putting him down for a nap, but come on!  That wasn't part of the routine.

I'm finding that my mood is set by whether or not Dylan has puked that day or not.  It's horrible to spend so much time making sure he's getting enough calories and then see them all come right back up.  (And even more horrible to know that your baby is sick in the MOTN : (.)

So I took him back in yesterday and this is the new plan:
1) Up his Prevacid dose.  Most babies outgrow reflux by 6 months, then the rest by 1 year.  I guess we are part of the lucky few where it persists.  But we're hoping he grows out of it by 18 months.

2) We are switching from Pediasure to Whole Milk with added whole milk powder.  The puking really started with the Pediasure.  It may just be an ingredient in it.  Or it may be that he can't process the 30 calories an ounce. I don't know.  But it's artificial and expensive so we are going to see if whole milk works.

3) We are adding a probiotic.  Maybe the Amoxicillin wiped out too much bacteria in his gut (but the puking started before the Amox.)  Can't hurt to try.

*     *     *     *     *

The hardest thing for me is working through all of the different variables to figure out how to fix the problem!  Is it what he's eating? When he's eating? How he's eating?  And how am I supposed to switch to a sippy from a bottle when we are so concerned about his overall calories (I'm working on it!)?  It drives me bonkers and brings me back to the days when we were trying to get out of the NICU.

But Dylan is slowly gaining weight (he's at 17 1/2 pounds now - 12 months adjusted, 15 1/2 actual).  That's still not on the growth chart but we're getting closer and closer.  He eats lots of different foods, just not huge volumes.  Recent favorites are casseroles and cottage cheese.  And the best, best thing is that he has no lung issues.  If we can just get through this flu season (which just exploded in CA), we will be in a really good place.  The doc would just like to get him to 20 pounds and then maintain that weight.  Then we can relax a little.

It's amazing in the wide world of the internet how it can sometimes feel like you're the only person dealing with a particular issue.  Anyone else have a problem of the puking variety?

When he's not pukey, he's really happy!

Enjoying his Adjusted Birthday Celebration cake.  He knows what to do with it now!

Officially a Toddler!

Remember way back 3 1/2 months ago when Dylan turned 1?  Well today is finally the day that he is supposed to be 1...so he's now a toddler no matter how I decide to count.

And he's doing big things!

Milestones

Speech:
Dylan has his first word.  It's not "mama," not "dada"...it's "da" for dog.  He very clearly looks for and talks about the dog.  I guess it's a good first word - prevents competition between mom and dad. : )  Although I'm sure "dada" will be next because Dylan LOVES his dad, prefers the "d" sound over "m" and has a father who says "dada" to him over and over and over all day long.  Hah.

Dylan is definitely not ahead of the curve on language, but he's in a fine place.  Before the last couple of weeks he had three syllables, "ma," "da," "ba," but in a very short time he's added his first word as well as a variety of new consonants and vowels. It's kind of fascinating to watch how language develops!

Gross Motor:
Last night Dylan stood on his own for a good 10 seconds.  He doesn't think about doing it himself, I have to get him away from things and then let go, but he has excellent balance.  He stands up on his with no hands, he just doesn't realize walking is a possibility.  I have a feeling once he does, it'll all happen very quickly.

Fine Motor:
Dylan can use a pincer grasp and do fine activities, but he's still not great at it and still results to scooping at times.

Other:
He's had 8 teeth for ages now and nothing else has popped through.  I think they'll come soon though (based on ridiculous amounts of drool.)

Health

I think our only major health issue is reflux and it's definitely still interfering.  I have a separate post planned, loosely titled "vomit."  He throws up his nightly bottle A LOT, but he's also starting throwing up in the middle of the night, often without really waking or crying.  (He sleeps on his tummy so not a huge choking risk, but still scary!)  Google says it could be a brain tumor...or low blood sugar, but reflux is also a culprit and that seems most likely in our situation.  Otherwise, general health is good.

D is gaining weight like a champ too!  We switched from formula to Pediasure a month or two ago (30 calories an ounce versus 24).  He's also doing pretty well with solids.  He'll try most things, it's just hard to get him to eat much volume.  He averages between 6 and 9 ounces of solids a day and about 18 ounces of Pediasure.

Sleep

D is still an excellent sleeper, thank goodness.  he sleeps through the night, about 12 hours (6:30 pm - 6:30 am) and takes around a 2 hour nap.

Fun!

Dylan LOVES to read which makes this English major and English teacher very happy.  I'll write a favorite books post soon, but he pretty much likes ALL OF THE BOOKS and can happily sit on my lap and read books for a half an hour or more.

D still loves to be outside.  He got a wagon for his birthday and it's so cute to watch him ride in it!  Have I mentioned his car on here?  I better post a video of that too.

All in all, it's been a fantastic year plus...even though at this time last year, Dylan was still in the NICU.  It feels much, much longer than that though.

I love this little boy : ).

When to go to the doctor.

I see so many posts on parenting forums asking whether or not they should take their little one to the doctor.  (And also many asking if contractions are normal at a certain point - just go get it checked, pleeeeeeeease!)  I am not a doctor, so please always consult your pediatrician, but I would like to share our doctor experiences.

Dylan has had lots and lots of doctor's appointments since he is a 25-weeker.  When he first got out of the NICU, we went weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly and now we go every couple of months, mostly to check his weight.

Over the course of the last 10 1/2 months (Dylan was still in the NICU this time last year), I have taken him in twice for non-scheduled visits.  Both times, I debated with myself about when to go and both times he required a prescription.

Visit 1: Diaper Rash

Dylan developed his very first diaper rash on a Saturday morning.  His entire bum was bright red and spotted.  My internet research gave me all kinds of home remedies and I tried many of them including baking soda baths, diaper free time, and liberal amounts of maximum strength Desitin (don't even bother with the regular stuff...get the purple box).  Dylan also had diarrhea and was going through about 1 diaper every two hours almost round the clock.

Life was beyond horrible for all three of us.  Dylan screamed and cried for diaper changes and it was nearly impossible to accomplish without two of us.  He seemed a little comforted by the baths, so we did them a couple of times a day and then let him air-dry.  Diaper free time resulted in poop on two separate rugs, one pile of which was eaten by my dog as I chased down Dylan as he tracked poop across the room.  Absolutely disgusting.

We didn't take him in until either Tuesday or Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.  He had one spot that was turning into more of an open wound and it very suddenly seemed to get worse.  After-hours care was a complete debacle, but it ended with a confirmation that it had become a yeast rash and needed a Nystatin cream.  I am so glad that I decided to go in when I did!

Visit 2: Ear Infection

Dylan got a little bit of a cold after Christmas.  It mainly consisted of a runny nose, but I was still slightly terrified that it would turn into RSV or something else in his lungs (and had emailed the Ped about when to come in for a cold without fever or change in eating/sleeping habits).  But then on Saturday and Sunday night, Dylan threw up in the middle of the night.  He throws up his night-time bottle all the time, but has only ever thrown up in the middle of the night once before.  My little angel is a fantastic sleeper.  But on Sunday night, he woke up at 2am and we could barely settle him.  He finally fell asleep close to 4am (in our bed which means I was barely sleeping).  I had to go back to work Monday morning, but I called the nurse line and told the nanny what the night was like.  Eventually I got an appointment for yesterday evening, but he was happy all day so I wasn't too sure I needed it...I just kind of wanted the Ped to confirm that everything was okay.

Lo and behold, Dylan has his first ear infection!  I guess it can cause kids to throw up although that's not the most common symptom.  Poor baby!  His lungs are perfectly clear and he's on Amoxicillin to clear up the ear infection.  Again...so glad I went in.

So the moral of my story is to trust your gut.  If you are not sure what your gut is saying, go in!  The worst that will happen is that your lo's schedule will be thrown off for a day, but you'll get the piece of mind that everything is fine.

Here's my new favorite picture:

And this one's pretty cute too : )