Miracle Month Ending Soon (Freaking Out) - 9dpo

I'm kind of starting to freak out.  I guess understandably so.  I don't really belive in symptoms anymore.  Bloating, veins, gas, a cold?  Please.  There are almost no reliable pre-BFP symptoms.

But I still believe in the ones I had during my chemical pregnancy aka My BFP for 4 1/2 days.   That month I had somewhat significant cramping on 7dpo.  Not "intense" but more vague overall cramping as well as some "twinges."  I was also super exhausted.  That's about it.  But I pretty much knew I was pregnant and got my BFP at 10dpo.  I can't believe that was 6 months ago!

This month I've gotten through the 2WW pretty quickly, but I'm starting to freak out a bit.  I've been tired since 5dpo.  But it's very hard for me to tell the difference between exhaustion and very tired (which I often am...teaching is tiring!).  The difference to me is kind of "hitting a wall" at some point in the early afternoon and also early evening.  Like literally not being able to keep my eyes open.  But it's not like this never happens on non-pregnant months.

Yesterday I got a canker sore.  I'm not immune to canker sores, but I really think it's been about a year since the last one.  And I don't remember eating anything weird.  So of course I proceeded to google canker sores and bfps.  It turns out canker sores definitely have a hormonal connection (although they in no way denote pregnancy on their own).  But since I don't get them often, I decided to leave it as a maybe.

And then today I definitely had some of that uterine twingey feeling.  It's kind of like an itchiness, but in just the right spot (not vaginal).  It hasn't been frequent enough to call home about, but it's not common for me and it definitely makes me a little excited.

Which totally freaks me out.  I really want to test (and will tomorrow I think) but I really don't want to see my miracle month come to an end... (For the new readers this week, welcome!  This is a natural month after 3 failed Clomid + IUI months. Next cycle is IVF.  Hence, I call it my "miracle month").

I've gotten through this month by totally not expecting anything.  How can I?  I'm 1/19.  But I really, really want it.  More than just about any other month.  I quit googling symptoms and comparing charts many cycles ago, but I've found myself back to my old ways this month.  What the hell?

By the way, due date is November 20.  Right before lots of teaching vacations.  Perfect. 

I don't hope for or expect to get a BFP, but I want one anyway.  Really bad.

Hitting the "Window"

In my extensive TTC research, I learned some things I never knew before.  Like that sperm can live for up to 5 days and that an egg lives for 12-36 hours.  And consequently, I didn't need to be so freaked out about getting accidentally pregnant throughout my 20s.  


But I also think this info gave me a false sense of confidence.  I have tracked every single baby-dance (remind me to think of a new term for this!) for the last 14 months.  If we BDd within 5 days of getting an egg on the CBFM or temp rise since I've been charting, I felt like we were successful.  Sure, we tried to do it more often than that, but it didn't always work out.  Mr. GG and I have definitely had at least double the amount of sex in the last year compared to the previous year.  

"Let's just do it tomorrow..."

Here's the problem with our timing; my cycles have ranged from 27 to 40 days during those months.  For the first few months I wasn't using the CBFM or charting temps and we probably quit too early each month.  During the CBFM phase, I don't think it was accurate; therefore, we again may have quit too early.  Since I started charting we've done much better, but life gets in the way some times.


Bottom line: It is absolutely possible that Mr. GG and I have mis-timed things for an entire year, just by accident!


I think my fertile "window" is on the shorter side.  So rather than 5 days, I think we've got more like 12-24 hours.  Last month, we hit it.  This month we did too.  


1 dpo today.  Fingers crossed.