Sunday, August 23, 2015

#MicroblogMonday - this kid is a fish

We did 8 days of swimming lessons this summer at our community pool. Everyday he begged to go home part way through. He was swallowing water and would only jump from his bum. But by the end of the lessons everything just clicked and now he can't be stopped!


Monday, August 10, 2015

Potty Training

Potty training feels too big to write about...so maybe it's perfect for a Microblog Monday.

Dylan did something new last night. He peed in his car seat. :/ Then he pooped in his wet undies before I'd even changed them (while I was stripping his car seat). 

But he followed that up today with a legit poop in the potty.

Baby steps. (Overall he's doing well, but this is one of the hardest parenting milestones for me to deal with. Especially while moving...)


Monday, July 27, 2015

#MicroblogMondays - Just Keep Swimming



We are in the midst of moving (nearby) and to make a complete understatement, I'm overwhelmed. I found a new preschool for Dylan but they require all kids to be potty trained. There was only one spot left so I jumped on it and just hoped the potty training would be easy. Dylan's doing pretty well, but the pressure of needing it to be done ASAP is just too much, so I'm backing out of the preschool. I feel relieved. I'll write more about these potty training adventures soon!

Friday, June 19, 2015

Silencing the Voice in my Head

Alternately titled: "Trying to be okay with my body." Even as I typed that, I thought it really should be "love" my body, but that seems a lot harder and farther away than "okay with" so that's where I'm at.

I love all of this internet posts about mom bodies and embracing your body. I silent cheer all of these women on. But it's a lot harder to apply the same lesson to myself. I've also probably never gone a day without criticizing my body. If I really broke it down in minutes, it would easily be an hour a day thinking about my arms or my stomach or my back looking fat. I'll criticize the way my shoes look with my outfit. At Disneyland a few weeks ago, I felt so bad about how I looked that I took my socks off for a bit to try to look a little better. I even bought a different shirt to wear. Stupid. I don't want to be this way though. And I'm working on it.

One way I'm working on it, is changing up my wardrobe. I'm working on buying clothes, including swimwear, that make me feel the best so that I can silence the critical and self-conscious voice in my head that makes social events a lot less fun. I'm trying to find the right fit and coverage so that I feel as good as possible. Part of this is buying more "uniform" type clothes that I know I like and limiting my choices.

This is also the year that I officially switch to a one piece bathing suit. Last year was a transition. I still felt weird in a one piece (and probably still will for awhile), but I felt even more uncomfortable in a two-piece. I wish the one-pieces out there were a little more fashionable or that the tankinis worked for short people (the tanks are super wide and hang over the bottoms...), but I'm trying to find suits I really love like designer suits with nicer fabric and support. I've been finding great ones a Marshall's for cheap!

The clothes are helping. And I'm mostly okay with my body right now. I look pretty good in clothes. I'm not a huge fan of how I look not in clothes, but I have a solution for that too...I think.

I don't need to look like a model to be happy with my body. But I'm pretty sure I won't be happy unless I feel like I'm in shape. I've participated in sports for most of my life and have been a haphazard runner/yogi. I took the pressure off of myself and basically gave myself permission not to work out and not to even think about working out for most of the last year. I needed that. But I also know that a) working out is good for my health, b) I will never be fully satisfied unless I am working out an average amount and c) I feel good when I actually do it. It's not easy with a kid though and the only reason I feel like I can do more this summer is that Dylan has a such a set routine AND he's going to start preschool two mornings a week.

What I'm not willing to do: workout all of the time. I've lived with myself long enough to know my patterns and what I can stick to. That means running about 2-3 times a week and getting to about 2 yoga classes a week (Honestly...adding those together sounds like too much, but I'd like to do both). I don't need to start working out every single day to be satisfied with myself, but I need to do something.

What I decided to add was some body-weight exercises at home. I have a few friends who coach for Beach Body. I'm pretty sure I would love Insanity. But I don't feel the need to pay for videos or a system (and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't watch the videos anyway...I just won't). So I found a short routine on Pinterest that is different every day of the week. It seems to use most of the same body weight exercises that are in all of the different programs and seems to focus on a different muscle group each day (while still hitting all of them). And it only takes 10-15 minutes. Now on the one hand, that sounds like not enough time to even count as working out. But it's strength exercises with a bit of cardio that I don't do right now. So I figure adding a bit of that daily (during naptime) and then getting in a few runs and a couple of yoga classes and I'll be set. I still don't know how to do this during the school year though...

What I'm not going to do, diet. I'm not even going to give up alcohol. I don't do super well with giving things up. When I'm not allowed something at all, I obsess. It would probably work better for me to limit myself to two days a week. I am good with rewards and delayed gratification : ). I will basically quit dessert and treats because I don't need them, but otherwise, I'm going to continue what I'm already doing, eating not huge amounts of pretty healthy foods.

I think that's enough for me to accept whatever my body looks like.

It's a daily struggle and I truly do not understand people who say they are truly comfortable with themselves. I'm not and have never been, but I'd like to be and I'm working on it.

Monday, June 15, 2015

#Microblog Mondays - Stress and Being Assertive

This is always the craziest time and it's put the blog on the back-burner, but I do have time for a micro-post today.

I think it must come down to stress...because that's about all I can think about right now.

What's stressing me out?


  • Our Principal is leaving...so much uncertainty...
  • We are house-hunting. I don't know where we will be living next Fall and we have tons to do before we can list our house.
  • Preschool - I'm going to send Dylan to one by our current house over the summer, but since I don't know where we will be living in the Fall, I can't even research new options or get on waiting lists. This one REALLY stresses me out!
That's it, but it's all very big for me, especially number 1. I have had to be more assertive than I'm used to to fight to be on the panel to select the next one. I'm trying to make decisions based on how I think a man would handle the situation, but as an over-thinker that leads to...A TON OF OVERTHINKING. It's weird to come to the point of more experience and authority in your career and have to deal with more gender-based issues. If I leave it alone, I'm afraid I'll come off as too passive. But if I speak up for myself too strongly, I risk being seen as "bitchy." Trying to walk a fine line has my wound up very tightly. Blah.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Breast Biopsy

I had my guided MRI breast biopsy on Friday. It was a rare super rainy day here...and my sister had been in labor with my new niece since the night before. So luckily lots of distraction meant a lot less stress and anxiety leading up to the appointment.

The hardest part was inside the MRI. Being moved in and out without being able to see anything always makes me a little dizzy. Then I was getting a bit anxious about the enormity of everything and wanted to take some deep breaths to calm myself down. But then you aren't allowed to move at all, so I'm trying to take breaths that don't feel deep enough which feels a lot like the beginning of a panic attack. I imagined myself freaking out and squeezing the emergency button in my hand. But I calmed myself well enough. 

It's also a little weird being 30+ years younger than most other women around, but I'm special like that...

Results should take 2-4 business days so I'll know a lot more next week...meh.

I'm pretty resigned to the realty of it, although I'm definitely hoping for a clear path to not super aggressive treatment. And I want to speak with the experts about this whole mastectomy thing. :/

Oh and literally, my sister had very serious complications during her c section and she's fine now, but it took two hours and extra doctors. Geesh. But my new niece is perfect.

The day after, I was a little worried that I had an infection because I had pinkness over a lot of my breast and it was warm, I also continued to bleed just a tiny bit throughout the day. But I woke up today and everything looked much better.

The pain was not bad at all! I took Ibuprofen the day of before bed, but just one time and that was it. It feels kind of bruised if my breast is pushed or kicked (toddlers are fun...I told him about my boo boo and he kissed it a few times then promptly forgot).

Mr. GG has been traveling a ton and will be out of town when I find out the results this week, but I imagine we'll have a sit down appointment next week if the results are positive which he will be here for. I'm not freaking out, but I'm ready for more information.


Here's the detailed biopsy write-up:
I got there early (it's a little disconcerting walking into a "Cancer Center." Very real.)  and had time to get a smoothie. They told me just to eat a light lunch in case I got nauseous. 

After they brought me back, I changed in the little locker room. I planned ahead this time, so I wore comfy leggings and I brought a nice pair of grippy socks. Both of those things made me feel a little bit more comfortable (and warm). First the nurse explained everything. Then I got my IV. Then one doc came in and explained everything and then another doc did the same! So I definitely had the all of the necessary info.

Here's the process: first I went go in the MRI for about 7 minutes with the breast compressed between two plates. It wasn't super tight though. Then they check the images and pull you out (you stay lying down the whole time, in or out). Best case scenario is they don't see the lesion. But for me, immediately they said, okay I'm going to numb the area because the actual biopsy comes next and in my case was done by hand by a doctor. Some are done by machine. He numbed my breast with lidocaine. One of the numbing needles pinched more than the others and I flinched...and they reminded me not to move, thanks.

Then I went back in for another few minutes, then out again, then the did the biopsy. They took 5 samples with a core needle. I could feel three of them. They felt like needle pricks. Then they place a stainless steel "clip" in the incision to mark the spot of the lesion so it shows up on mammogram. It will not set of airport sensors or interfere with future MRIs. Then they hold pressure on the wound for 5 minutes. Literally. Last, steri-strips were placed to close the wound. which will fall off in about 5 days.

Of course that's not it. Lastly, you have to get a mammogram to make sure the clip shows up. 

Then you get dressed and leave! (I was given small circular ice packs to put in my bra to reduce swelling and bruising and antibiotic ointment and band-aids to cover everything with which I change every day.)