Friday, March 23, 2012

Baby Shower Season

Let me take a second to try to process how I feel about the upcoming showers I will be attending and/or hosting.

I think I'm 90% ok with it.

The first shower is next weekend.  It's for our good friends who are pregnant with their IVF#1 baby.  They got married exactly one year before us and started IVF time-wise, at exactly the same point we are currently at (just last year).  So she's kind of like my IVF mentor.  I absolutely want to be at her shower.

She, on the other hand, completely quit going to baby showers when she was around the same IF point as me.  But she's a bit more emo than I am : ) (which she would readily admit).  So I'm not really worried about attending her shower, but I think I'll have a little anxiety about whether someone will ask me something or say something to make me want to cry.

Then there's my sister.  Here's a review of my sister/s baby timeline:

After I had been trying for about 6 months, sister calls me out of the blue and says she's pregnant.  I respond by crying.  (After I get off the phone.)  I'm a little distant and bitchy until she has a miscarriage about 2 weeks later.  Shit.  Now I feel like the worst sister in the entire world!  (My sister and I are very close.  We talk just about every day.)  Jealousy issue solved.  It takes her about 6 months after a 2 month break to get pregnant the second time and I have been excited for her every minute.  She's due in late June.

My mom and her MIL are hosting a shower for the "adults" and I am hosting the shower for the "kids."  I'm a little worried about it.  I've already gotten excited about buying stuff for my new nephew, I even have a pinterest board devoted to him, and I want to paint cute murals in his nursery.  But something makes me feel weird about planning the shower, at least all by myself.  And I can't exactly explain why.

I actually really love baby showers.  My mom emailed me to see whether I thought decorating onesies was fun or cheesy. I responded that I love cheese (and decorating onesies!).

I think the issue I'm having is putting in a lot of time and stress planning while going through IVF or right after IVF.  If it's successful, great.  But if it's not, I'm afraid at how I'll react.

I'm really hoping that I'm pregnant at her shower.  That way I could entirely enjoy the day (instead of 90%).

These will be showers 3 and 4 since I started TTC.

How have the rest of you dealt with hosting and/or going to showers?


  1. I really really really hope you're pregnant at her shower too!!! I haven't been to a babyshower while TTC yet. I"m not sure how I'll deal with it. Actually, I think I deal worse with pregnancy announcements than actual "pregnancies". It's the initial feelings of jealousy, anger (why not me?!?), and more jealousy. And more jealousy. HA. After I process all of this, I really am OK. I just have to make sure to "hide" stories on facebook because they do annoy me and make me feel bad. This kind of got off topic, sorry!
    - mrslilybugg (wordpress hates me)

  2. I'm one of those that wouldn't attend a baby shower while going through IF. However, lucky me, I wasn't invited to one during that year and a half. But huge kudos to you for going to these!

    I too hope you're pregnant for the showers!!!

  3. You're a better woman than I am. I haven't been to one in a few years. I managed a couple the first two years of TTC, and then the last three years of TTC I've just saved myself the grief. Same for Christenings and baptisms if it feels too painful.

    If I stay pregnant, I really doubt I'll have a shower myself. Feels just too dangerous, like it's tempting fate or something (weird, I know, but that's where I am at at this point).

    I'm very impressed with your 90%! You go, girl!


    1. GREAT post that I can DEFINITELY relate to. I throw one hell of a baby shower...and a lot of them, at that. THANK GOD they've slowed down recently.

      I guess I'm a little selfish in my hosting which (I think) helps me make it through. I go ALL OUT with theme, decor and such that I'm less focused on the baby aspect of it all. The day of, I stay VERY busy throughout so that I don't feel sorry for myself. It hasn't failed me yet!

      Here are some inspiration links:

      PS Having a niece or nephew (if you don't already) is the BEST! It's incredible and I'm thrilled for you.

      Here's hoping you get your BFP before the shower!!!

  4. I have to agree with someone above...I always find the announcement the most difficult to handle. It is like someone punching me in the gut and only a little time to process makes it more manageable. For me the showers are bad but I have already accepted they are pregnant and I am not so I guess it is a little easier (a little)? Here's hoping you do not have to deal with this AT ALL because you will be preggo yourself at the shower :)

  5. OMG - your description of your reaction to your sister's pregnancy sounds EXACTLY like the one that I had when my brother told me his wife was expecting again. (she's my best friend as well as my SIL - I got lucky there). I was bitter and angry and jealous. I cried for three hours straight after I found out. And then, on my birthday (of all days) she started to miscarry. She found out later in the week (about three weeks after telling me that she was pregnant) that she miscarried. I was horrified. I hadn't even gotten used to the idea of her pregnancy before it was over. I hope that if they decide to have another (they already have two and this one was completely unplanned - they said they were done) that I will be be excited and happy.

    Oh and showers don't bother me too much, it's the people at them and the questions and "you're next" or "that looks good on you, aren't you going to have one" that is the problem.

    Good luck with the showers!

  6. You're very brave and I'm in position offer advice because I suffered through many baby showers the first few years . But now for the most part I just bow out and send a gift. Hope you're pregnant by then so you don't have to worry about it. Good luck!

  7. I haven't actually attended many baby showers recently, but so far I haven't found them emotionally trying from a IF point of view. I think it's because I find them uncomfortable anyway. I'm not really into forced games, parties full of people you don't know, or sitting in a circle watching someone open presents. They're just not my thing, I guess, and I didn't need IF to make that clear :)

    I had to throw a wedding shower once that I didn't want to, and I was really nervous about it leading up to the shower, but once the day came I was SO busy that I didn't have time to think about anything except the logistics of the shower. It's a lot of work, and I wish you lots of luck!

  8. I have to agree with anonymous - the announcements are harder for me than the showers. But that's just me. Wishing you all the best!

  9. I'm a first time visitor via ICLW, and just wanted to say I so hope you get your BFP! I think it's great that you are 90% okay with attending the showers.

  10. I've found/had excuses for most showers since I started becoming frustrated with TTC and thinking there was a problem. There was one at work I didn't mind going to because it was my coworker's IVF #3 baby. Then the one after that at work, I felt like I had to go to because I had been to the last one. :-( (We had 3 work babies all due within 2 weeks, but one didn't have a shower because she had lapped me and so still had tons of stuff.)

    My best friend, though, that was the hard one. She got married April 30 and then told me 2 months later that she was due December 31. I actually had to block her on FB (the first time I ever did that) because after telling me, she changed her profile pic to a jar of Prego that said "It's in there" across it. But I love her. DH asked if I wanted him to go to the (co-ed) shower, and I let him off the hook for it. But my mom was in town, and I had her go with me. That's the only thing that kept me sane, especially since there were 2 other pg women there, including a high school friend who got knocked up by mistake.