Overwhelmed. (IVF Consult De-Brief)

Ok, I'm overwhelmed.  I kind of hoped I was just dealing really, really well instead of holding some major fears deep down, but unfortunately, the latter is true.  (Personally, I hate the terms latter and former.  Every. Single. Time. I have to go back and figure out which one refers to which item.  Annoying.)

Because I am overwhelmed, I was unable to write this last night.  Just too much information to process.  I think I'm ready now, but I'm hoping it won't be just a confusing mess of thoughts and details.

I started to kind of freak out on my way to the appointment.  Muscles tight, slight shortness of breath.  But nothing too major.

We had to watch a stupid video at the beginning for like a half an hour, but it did cover all of the basics.

Then a lady came in to go over our calendar and protocol.

Here it is:

• Continue Estrace 
• Start Provera on 4/9 (with Estrace) - 10 days
• Baseline Ultrasound 4/20ish
• Start Bravelle 150mg with Menopur - 8-15 days
• Start Cetrotide with Menopur - (7ish days after starting Bravelle)
• Estimated Retrieval - First week of May

At the end of the appointment I completely blanked.  I had no questions.  

Part of the overwhelming feeling is it being "really-real."  Every month I have hoped to get pregnant, but now it's like literally planning a baby.  For some reason that feels different to me.  I think it's because I really will be expecting a positive i.e. a negative will be a shock whereas it was the opposite for the last 12 months or so.  (At the beginning it was different...I expected the positive.)

I'm also a bit upset about the timeline.  I am very tired of waiting.  But also, I've set it in my mind that I wanted to be pregnant by my sister's showers, as I wrote about here.  This puts me right in the middle.  There is a possibility to move things up a week, but there is a chance I will have my retrieval and/or transfer with my doctor out of town.  (He's gone on Monday of one week and then Friday through Monday of the next.)

Advice please:

What should I choose?  

Move everything up a week and potentially not having my doctor, but almost definitely know the result before the showers?

or

Keep everything the same and be in the two week wait during the showers?

Knowing that I am pregnant will obviously be easiest.  Not knowing yet will be second easiest.  Knowing that I'm not will make the showers very, very hard.

I emailed the office when I got home last night and asked the following:

1. What is the reasoning behind no Lupron? 
2. Am I on an Antagonist Protocol?  (I've gathered that no Lupron (with Cetrotide later) is the antagonist protocol.  It was originally given to "poor responders" or people with diminished reserve, but it seems to be more common among many people.  Please correct me if I'm wrong but Lupron suppresses the system and the gonadotropins stimulate it.  Sometimes you need more stim after Lupron to get everything going again.)
3. Why am I on Estrogen instead of BC pill.  (I guess this is my RE's new protocol.  I've seen "Estrogen Priming" around the internet, but don't know if that's what this is or not.)

And I also asked to see if we can move things up as much as possible.

Oh and about the success guarantee.  My new FSH is 10.6 which is borderline high.  Technically that does not meet the guidelines for the guarantee.  But since everything else is within bounds, and since they it's "business" it sounds like they'll still do it for me.

Here are my other test results for reference:

Estradiol: 34.3

FSH: 10.6 (previously 8.5 - July)

AFC: 16

AMH: 4? (still waiting on new result - I don't remember ever having it tested, but they have one??)

TSH: 2.84 (July)

Prolactin: 8 (July)