After 6 months of blogging, I'm finally joining the real conversation! Welcome ICLWers. And if you want to join the conversation, there's still time - today only. Go to Stirrup-Queens and sign-up.
In summary: About to start IVF #1 (consult next Tuesday) after 3 failed IUI + Clomid cycles. We have low morphology and thin lining but no known major issues beyond that. And we are at the 21 month mark.
I'm taking Estrogen right now instead of actual birth control (but it's basically the same thing, right?) and I know that this is not a "real" cycle since the nurses will have me end it with Provera at any given moment, but it's kind of weird!
I have EWCM today. Lots of it. Probably because of the Estrogen. And it's CD 10, so a little early for me, but about the time I'd be gearing up for some BD time or going in the the RE to check follicle size. Instead...I'm doing nothing!
Because this cycle isn't real.
Part of me loves the break. We don't have to have sex unless we want to. I don't have to worry about any possible symptoms or signals or anything. I need a break and this is a nice short one.
But it's also very strange since all I've been trying to do for the last 21 months is worry about when this period of time would occur and hope that I could do something productive with it.
I'm also still having some of the phantom "what if I'm actually pregnant right now?" thoughts. They were worse last week, but they're still lingering. Maybe because of the warning on my Estrace bottle that I should not take it while pregnant.
The thoughts go something like this: "I know I had a full blown period, but it really only lasted 2 days, so what if I'm actually pregnant?" Or, "I know the NP was all up in there 2 days ago and took an ultrasound of my uterus and there was nothing in there, but what if I'm actually pregnant?" And finally, "Yes, I took a test on CD6 because I could smell really well and was really tired, and yes it was negative, but what if I'm actually pregnant?" I AM NOT PREGNANT. OBVIOUSLY.
Does anyone else have this problem? It's come and gone throughout the last year and a half, but it's really weird. Kind of like "Phantom Limb Syndrome."
Anyway. Welcome ICLWers. I promise I'm not a complete crazy person. Usually, I'm quite rational. : )
If you are new, I'd love to hear from you! Comments are wide open...