Thursday, June 21, 2012

Multifetal Reduction

Alright.  It's time.  I've been kind of dreading this post, but it needs to be written.

At our 1st ultrasound (after IVF), we learned that we were carrying 4 babies (after transferring 2 embryos).  We immediately knew that we would look into reduction.  (The NP also mentioned it upon concluding the ultrasound.)  By the next week, there were only 3 babies; 1 Singleton, and 1 set of monoamniotic, monochorionic twins.  That means the twins share a sac and a placenta.

With 4 babies, reduction is a no-brainer.  Yes, you can deliver 4 babies, but the risks are extremely high.  With 3 it's just a tad less of a no-brainer (for us) because triplet pregnancies can be successful.

But first we need to talk risk.

At the top of the literature I received from the Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. is this:

"In general the average delivery for multiples are the following:

TWINS:           36 weeks
TRIPLETS:     32 weeks
QUADS:         28 weeks

The risks increase if there are 'identical' fetuses."

Identical twins carry increased risk in general, but if the twins share a placenta, the risk is increased and if they are in the same sac, the risk is increased further.  My twins share both.

Sharing a placenta creates a risk of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  One baby may not get enough nutrients from the placenta while the other baby gets too much.  This is a cause of early labor.  If they are in the same sac, the cords can get tangled and/or twist around the babies.  This is a huge risk.   In most cases (according to my perinatologist), a woman would check in to the hospital at a pre-determined week in order to get constant monitoring of the babies.  She said this is very taxing on the mom and the nurses because the babies are difficult to monitor when that small.  This would probably happen in the 20's (weeks).

Adding another baby into the mix increases each risk factor, pre-term labor, still birth, hypertension, gestational diabetes, etc.

She also went over all of the risks of pre-term babies, especially those born right after viability.  I won't go into details because they are not fun.

*     *     *     *     *

This was not exactly a hard decision for us.  Both of us would have known at any point in our lives that this would be the right decision (we are totally on the same page which is great).  We don't accept the risks for me, the pregnancy, the chance of actually delivering a healthy baby, or the difficulties in life afterwards.  

This is the less popular part to talk about (life with 3 babies), but I'm not willing to put the strain on our marriage or other relationships that three babies would entail.  We would need constant help from others.  There would be no way that I could continue to work.  I know that women do this successfully and I totally applaud them, but we can't do it.

*     *     *     *     *

I live in San Diego, a very large city, but still both my RE and my perinatologist referred me to a doctor in Los Angeles.  No doctors in San Diego do reduction.  Besides - for this high risk procedure, you need to go to the best.  This doctor gets rave reviews for her expertise and bedside manner.  

She even called me personally to consult on the procedure.  

We have to decide in the next day or so whether to do CVS (chorionic villus sampling) to check whether the babies all have normal chromosomes.  

The reduction is done between weeks 11 and 14.  The timing is to get past the natural highest miscarriage risk.  The risk of miscarriage after the procedure is 5-7% (which is lower than the risk of miscarriage with triplets).

When we get there, she will have to consult on what she can actually do.  If she cannot get to a baby, it cannot be reduced.  Our singleton is below the twins which is good, because there is a higher risk of reducing the baby closest to the cervix.

I cannot wait for the procedure because I feel like this entire pregnancy so far is just waiting...waiting for it to be normal.

*     *     *     *     *

I realize this is a very difficult subject to talk about and that there are many people who would not make the same decision that we are making.  I believe most of these values are virtually unchangeable in people, so I do not try to change people's core beliefs.  I ask that you respect our decision also.  There is truly nothing that would change our choice, so I hope to avoid comments that are just designed to hurt.  (Trust me, this has been quite a trying process so far.)

I am writing this post and sharing my story because it's real and it's not very common.  I found one girl online (on Fertile Thoughts - there is a selective reduction board) going through the exact same thing as me - same doctor even - and it's really helped to know that I'm not alone.

I've always been extremely candid in my life and on this blog and I hope that you respect that.


69 comments:

  1. I hardly post on here, but I've followed you from WB for some time. I think it is so awesome that you are being so open and honest, I really hope people can chose to respect the decisions you and your husband feel are best for you. I wish you the best in this difficult time.

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  2. I respect your decision 100%. You need to do what is best for you and your family. I applaud you for being so candid and open. This isn't an easy thing to talk about and I'm sure it is much harder to be going through. If you ever need a friend I'm only an hour away from San Diego!

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I really hope that the procedure can go ahead with no further complications and you finish up with a healthy, full term pregnancy. I think you're really brave - having to make such a difficult decision, and then sharing it with others as you have done. Best wishes.

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  4. You thought it through and I can clearly see you considered every angle and risks and you are so right! and like you said, this is the choice many wouldn't do but will respect your decision. I hope you have a good consultation with the doctor and everything goes well, sending you lots of positive thoughts!

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  5. I think I remember you saying you're a Kaiser patient. Are you going to see Dr. H (I don't want to write her whole name for your privacy?) I was faced with selective reduction and there weren't any Kaiser doctors that would perform the procedure so I was referred to Dr. H in LA (I live about 40 miles North of LA.) My Kaiser OB, Kaiser Peri, outside Peri and my RE ALL highly recommended her. She was amazing! While I didn't have to go through with the procedure (our twin died prior to the appointment) she was very informative and had great bedside manner.
    I admire you for being so honest. Sadly, you won't be the last person in this position and I know that your honesty will be helpful to someone else in similar shoes.

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    1. Yep, that's her! Good to hear another positive reference.

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  6. I think it is wonderful that you are able to be this open and candid. It seems sometimes that this journey includes some of the hardest decisions I can think of. I know this process must be very sad even when you are as prepared as you seem to be. I am here for you whenever you need it, and I will be thinking of you and following closely, walking by your side.

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  7. You and Mr GG are two tough cookies- I am so so impressed and proud of your strength and candor when faced with such a painful situation. I applaud your focus- a healthy pregnancy which minimizes risk for you and baby as much as possible. So so proud, and glad you're getting such good feedback on the Doc up in LA!

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  8. Thank you for being so open and honest, even with a touchy subject. Like you said, reduction doesn't happen that often (or at least it isn't talked about) so this is not something most people hear about or have to think about. Having gone through IVF myself, I have thought the 'what if-game' if this were to ever happen to us. I'm quite sure I would have reduced if something like what has happened to you happened to us. Although, not having ever had to experience it, I can't say for 100% sure.
    I'm hoping for the best for you and your family.

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  9. Sending you lots of strength over the next few weeks. I've always said that it's completely down to the couple to make their decisions.. and I believe it.

    Without meaning to sound insensitive (and I'm sorry if it does) but just to clarify -- are you leaning towards reducing the twin pregnancy to a second singleton?

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  10. Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it can't be easy to make this decision nor to share. I admire you for being honest. Wish your husband and you all the best during this time.

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  11. This post is not intended to hurt you or change your mind--what is done is done--but it has some points that people undergoing IVF should consider. Of course hindsight is 20/20 in your case and I realize that...but education can only help before someone else is in your situation:

    As the proud mom of IVF twins (carried over 39 weeks), with another IVF miracle on the way (created via limited fertilization of only 6 of 11 mature eggs retrieved and an elective single embryo transfer of a frozen blast), I am writing to let you know I am praying for you and your three babies. I am also praying for future advances in ART so that patients will not choose to transfer more embryos than potential babies they would willingly carry to term. As your blog is public and open to comments, I have hope that others will potentially consider eSET's in the future if they do not want a multiple pregnancy or especially if they would reduce any order of multiples. It may take longer to be successful, but if a single pregnancy is your only option, why risk a multiple birth with multiple embryos? Especially if you are under 35 with good quality blasts. As you well know, even putting in 1 embryo can lead to 2. I am definitely not discouraging transferring more than one embryo if you see multiples as a blessing (I welcomed the potential of twins after years of IF and transferred 3 blasts that cycle), I am simply encouraging the discussion of eSET's with doctors for people of your mindset when going through IVF.

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    1. I would have been perfectly ok with twins, especially fraternal and would never implant more embryos than I was willing to carry. It's extremely rare for one embryo to split into 3, slightly less, but still rare for one to split into 2. The risks of an n identical twin pregnancy are much greater than fraternal. But if we only had the identicals, we would still carry them.

      I agree that a lot of discussions needs to happen before transfer.

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    2. Agreed--I have actually never heard of a spontaneous split into triplets--it must be extremely rare. However, I do personally know of 4 people out of about 15 or so friends who have successfully gone through IVF end up with a set of identical twins (1 just had identicals but the other girls ended up with triplets of identicals/singleton on early ultrasounds as a result--not all of them remaining triplets because of spontaneous early miscarriage of 1 of the babies). Some say that when ICSI and assisted hatching is performed the chance of a split is increased. My point is that the only way to ensure that you will most likely only carry 1 baby (or 2, possibly 3 in extremely rare cases) is to do an elective single embryo transfer. I wish more people would consider it as an option to avoid multiple pregnancies--if they do not desire multiples.

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    3. I wrote this in a reply further down, but I've thought about single embryo transfer a lot since your comment. I felt informed before my transfer, but not well informed and based on our particular issues (mostly morphology) I believe we should have just transferred one (and should have been advised to just transfer one).

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  12. Thank you for sharing. I know how hard it must be to put your thoughts out there, and risk people disagreeing with your choice. But its your choice, ultimately, and I'm just thrilled that at the end of this, you'll have (at least one) baby in your arms.

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  13. If you do decide to include my comment--will you please include the foreword as well as the body. Thank you for your consideration.

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  14. I am so glad you have chosen to write about this. Mr. Husband and I feel very much the same way but have been met with horrific stares and gaping mouths when we express our opinions. It takes strong women, like yourself, to speak up and share your story to educate others. Thank you for making this journey a little easier for the next woman in your shoes.

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  15. I hope no one gives you any crap on your decision. Thank you for sharing it with us! I started following you on the 'bee as well. I don't know if you answered this already and I missed it, but do you plan on reducing one or two? Meaning are you going to be having twins (fraternal) or just the singleton? Please feel free to not answer if you feel it's too personal!

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    1. When identical twins share a placenta, you cannot reduce just one :(. So its a choice between the higher risk twins and the lower risk singleton. Good question though - I didn't mention it in this post.

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  16. I completely respect your decision, applaud your bravery and thank you for sharing your story. I think I would have a much harder time making the decision you're making (though ultimately, I would most likely arrive at the same conclusion, I expect), so for your sake, I'm thankful that the path is clear. Still, I'm sure no part of this is easy, the concept of having to lose in order to safely gain, especially for someone who has struggled with IF. So I wish you comfort and peace as you approach this procedure. Please keep us posted!

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  17. Thank you for being so open and honest. I cannot imagine what all the waiting is like nor do I hope I never have too. I just pray that you get some answers and the waiting can stop.

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  18. I respect your decision 100% and appreciate your honesty on this blog. I'm sorry that you are having to make such a difficult decision, and can see why you are anxious to get past the waiting stage. Good luck with the LA doctor.

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  19. Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest about a topic that most people wouldnt. I know in our journey this discussion has came up in our home on multiple occasions. I was basically told by family that if that was ever the case to just do it and not share it with anyone. This is something that is a personal choice and I dont think any person should be ashamed of. You are actually making a choice on the loads of information in front of you and most importantly, knowing what your family can handle. I wish you nothing but the best!

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  20. I think you are brave for talking about this, and sensible for doing it. As an identical twin myself (who was born at 38 weeks, perfectly healthy), there's always a part of me that has a hard time hearing about twins in terms of risk factors and being undesirable. It's almost like I take it personally! But that's totally my own issue, not yours, and the fact is I wouldn't really want to raise twins myself. I've heard enough horror stories from my mom, plus it would be financially crippling. I wish you the best of luck with the process.

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  21. We have had that conversation as well. It's a tough spot to be in, as if infertility wasn't fraught with enough difficult decisions already. I hope that you find peace and plenty of support in your life to come. Wishing you all the best from ICLW!

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  22. You've got my support..100%!!!
    You have to make the best decision for you and your family. Not whats right for everyone else.
    I agree, you are a tough cookie!

    Wishing you all the best, even though I know it will only turn out in the best ways possible for you!

    HUGS!

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  23. When reading your post I think about my girlfriend with identical twins. They had twin-to-twin transfusion (although thankfully did have separate sacs) and were born at 30 weeks. They spent 69 days in the hospital. While both are (thank god) fine happy 2 year olds today, they have both struggled with cerebral palsy and need to have their legs braced - not a big deal. Watching my friend go through this was horrible. When she accidentally got pregnant with a singleton last year she spent the entire pregnancy a total wreck terrified about another early baby. She said that she would rather lose a pregnancy than go through all of that again, it was just too traumatic and devastating to watch her girls so sick for so long. I think you are smart. i think it is an impossible decision to make, but that you want to have a healthy baby, and your best chances for a healthy baby are reduction. The thought of potentially losing all 3, or having 3 very sick early babies is so much worse. Fraternal twins are obviously a risk you were willing to take - this outcome is very different from that and much much riskier. Good luck, I hope that you are very at peace with your decision as it would of course be hard no matter what.

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  24. Sarah - I completely respect your decision to reduce, but even more than that I respect how honest you and Mr. GG are being about yourselves and your situation. It takes A LOT of courage to be honest with yourself about your strengths and what you can truly handle - I applaud your ability to do this openly. As with every parenting decision you have made, and will continue to make for the rest of your lives, you need to do what is right for YOU. I am so sorry to know that you are going through these tough decisions after what you have already been through, but just remember - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :o) You are Mr. GG will have an ironclad relationship by the time this is over, and that is worth its weight in gold. Best wishes in the next few weeks - I hope that you have a smooth procedure and an easy recovery.

    -Septca

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  25. BG and I would have made the same decision in your place. I am so glad you and your husband are on the same page. That is the most important thing.

    When do you find out when the surgery will be scheduled, along with all the other details? I would be so on edge with all the waiting! You have shown an incredible amount of patience through this all. Hang in there! I am thinking of you.

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  26. I support you 100% and I can imagine that my husband and I would do the same thing if in the situation. Thank you for being honest and talking about this on your blog.

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  27. I applaud your honest discussion of this sensitive topic. I don't think it is fair for anyone to judge your choice. It sounds like you, your husband, and doctors put a lot of thought into your decision. I hope your pregnancy is more enjoyable and less worrisome for you from here on.

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  28. thinking of you. so sorry you have to face this difficult road...

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  29. Yeah, every triplet mom I know was in the same boat. We all got the selective reduction talk. Most of my friends have a pair and a spare, like you. In fact, they were over at my house today. Our kids are all eight years old now. I have three fraternals and then I also have a lot of friends with all identical. We have a Facebook group with 800 triplet moms in it if you are interested in speaking to 800 women who were given the same talk, with the same warnings, and didn't reduce. I read your post twice and still can't figure out if you are reducing the singleton or the twins. Anywho, here's the link. I'll add you if you are interested. http://www.facebook.com/groups/PATOJA76/

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    1. We will decide after genetic testing, but most likely will reduce the twins since they are at higher risk. I'm glad to hear there is a such a supportive community out there.

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  30. I think you decision is tremendously logical and the one I would do if I were in your place. To get pregnant after all you have been too, it only makes sense that you would want to have a singleton pregnancy, with low chance of miscarriage. Thank you for writing about this.

    readingeachpage.blogspot.com

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  31. I too support your decision 100%. I know we would make the same if we were in your position. I wish you all the best as the date for the procedure approaches. I hope that it goes as smoothly as possible and that your pregnancy also goes smoothly.

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  32. This is undoubtedly a difficult road but you are facing it and I applaude your honesty, bravery in sharing your story and your forthrightness of your capabilities. I know it can't be an easy decision.

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  33. I had an eSET because I was already high risk and didn't want to add to that risk with multiples BUT I was also aware that a single embryo can split - as one of yours DID, into THREE - and we could still have been faced with this decision. I am very pro eSET, but I think it is irrelevant to your situation - you could have had eSET with the embryo that turned into triplets and you'd still be where you are. I know of successful multiples pregnancies (2 sets of triplet, though both born quite prem and one set with hip problems for one baby and one set with slight CP for 2 out of 3) but I also know of a lot of multiple pregnancies that had very sad endings. I can only imagine this is a terribly hard situation to be in. I don't know the statistics, but I suspect the odds of losing all three by continuing are greater than the odds of losing them all due to the SR? I wish you all the best for the next stage and will be thinking of you.

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    1. Yes, the odds of a triplet pregnancy ending is miscarriage are higher than the risk from reduction.

      Is eSET elective Single Embryo Transfer? If I knew then what I knew today, I would have only transferred 1. It seems that the risk of identicals after IVF is much higher than answer of the research has shown. I think it should be talked about more specifically before the procedure. I was totally prepared for 2, but thought the chance of identicals was smaller than it actually is.

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    2. Yes - eSET is elective Single Embryo Transfer. I had been trying for a very long time to achieve a successful pregnancy and had/have a great group of friends I've made through the journey so I've had the benefit of their experiences too. I am amazed how little clinics seem to encourage eSET - my own, which I consider to be a good clinic, was still offering me the chance to put two back on the day of transfer despite the fact that I'd been very clear all along that I wanted just one put back. I think my point is twofold: first, that there is not an awful lot of support for eSET among patients and clinics (understandably, in some ways, since even putting back two still leaves you with relatively low chance of pregnancy in each cycle); second, that since one of your embryos split into three, anyone who is using eSET to critcise your position is totally missing the point, as you could have had one put back and still be facing decisions on selective reduction. It's very easy for others to make judgements, but until you are actually in a given situation, you CANNOT know what you would do. AND even if you have been in that situation, decided to go ahead with multiples and had everything work out, you can't know how you would have felt if your gamble had failed (because it can be pure luck that leaves one set of triplets alive and healthy and causes another set to be miscarried or stillborn). Hang in there.

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  34. Late to the party, but wanted to add my support. I think you are making the best decision for you and Mr GG. I honestly can't tell you what my decision would be in your position, but I can say that I completely support your decision and hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

    The other thing is I want to commend you for being so open and candid about this. It's not an easy thing to do, as it opens you up to a lot of ridicule. But I think it's important for speak honestly about the facts and the realities of multiples. The human body is not designed to carry more than one infant at a time (animals that do have horned-shaped uteruses and have shorter gestation periods) and, as you stated, there are risks.

    Wishing you all the best.

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  35. Hey! I have followed you since the last ICLW but just caught up on all that's happened to you since last month! Wow! I am amazed at your strength. I can't imagine how scary and difficult this must be for you. Thank you for so bravely sharing this. SR is something I had vaguely heard of but never really thought about. I know if we ever find a surrogate and get to transfer these are things we will have to have thought about too. Thank you again.

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  36. Praying for you and your three babies. I agree with KW comment above.

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  37. It is so refreshing to see someone being so honest about this decision. I support your decision 100%. When we were experiencing Secondary Infertility, one of the things I worried about was carrying multiples, especially since we already had one child. I was glad we ended up not having to make a hard decision like that (we ended up with a singleton), especially since I know my husband and I were on opposite sides of the discussion (I was for reduction).

    Thinking of you.

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  38. WHOA. I missed a lot!! I'm so sorry that along with your blessing comes a very very difficult decision. I'm so glad you and your hubby were able to make it together. We'll be here for you every step of the way and sending love and support your way! I'm sorry you have to go to LA for everything and hope your appts keep you out of the nastiest traffic. xoxo!

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  39. Thank you for sharing this with us. I totally respect and support your decision. I'll be thinking of you at your appointment and hoping that it goes well. xoxo

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  40. I applaud your logic during this time. When I was pregnant with the triplets I was in denial and thought there was no way I would lose all three babies. I was also in a constant state of panic over how we were going to fit three babies into our home and lives but I was ready to figure out how to make it work and wouldn't even consider reduction at the time. When I went into preterm labor I was in total shock that it happened to me when statistically it should not have been much of a surprise. It can be so hard to balance emotion and logic when it comes to your baby(ies)...

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  41. As a mom of beautiful triplets this post is hard it is if course your decision and you are brave to talk about it so openly but.... Watching my amazing 7 mo old trio play right now I could not have ever considered reducing and I'm a Kaiser patient and I'm grateful no Dr. ever brought up the suggestion that the pregnancy should be reduced. My trio made it to 33w6d are super healthy and I still work (from home on my own biz) we only have help 22 hours a week. It's totally doable and a blessing. I personally could not take that risk on the whole pregnancy too!

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  42. I just heard of your blog and read this post today. I guess your story is making it through the triplet community! First, I'm not writing to attack you, but I do want to share my story. I have triplets and my situation was exactly like yours. A single baby plus a set if identicals who shared a sac and a placenta. The minute we found out we were having triplets reduction was forced on us. Our MFM talked to us for 4 hours (Yes, FOUR hours!!) about all of the bad things that would happen and told us that our babies would be sick, etc, etc. I left in tears and cried for the next 24 hours over the decision we had to make. I didn't sleep for days. Our MFM wanted to reduce the id's leaving us with 1 baby. We tried for years to get pregnant and I wanted my babies. But, I didn't want sick babies either! I was also scared that I would lose the singleton from miscarrying after the procedure leaving us with nothing. In the end, I couldn't do the reduction. I went on to have a very normal and uneventful pregnancy. Yes, I did end up in on hospital bedrest and I delivered early at 30 weeks. However, I delivered early because one of the id's had a problem that she would have had even if she had been a singleton. It had absolutely nothing to do with it being a triplet pregnancy. My girls were perfect. They didn't have a single problem in the NICU and have gone on to be perfectly healthy 3 year olds. No delays, and no therapy ever needed. Our story doesn't go on without any sadness though. When my girls were 23 months old, one of them passed away due to a genetic disease called Leighs syndrome. If we had done what our dr's had pushed, we would have reduced the id's (a and b) and carried baby c to term. Well, baby C, Piper, is the one who had the disease that took her life. We would have been left with no children and would have been too scared to have anymore since we learned that every child we have has a 25% chance of getting the disease and it is always terminal. Please really think about your decision. You will be so amazed at how much you can do, even all on your own. My husband flipped about the finances and swore up and down that we couldn't make it if I didn't work. Guess what? We made it just fine. There is something so special about having triplets and watching them together. I know things can go wrong, but things go wrong with singletons too. And, there are thousands of happy stories about triplets! Good luck to you! I know it's a very hard and stressful time.

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    1. Thank you for your story. I am lucky in the fact that doctors have presented reduction, but I have received no pressure at all. And I totally realize that things can turn out perfectly fine. I'm sorry for your loss, but I really appreciate you sharing.

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  43. I'm just catching up on blogs and just read it. I applaud you for your bravery in sharing your story! There are thousands of women out there who are going through what you are, and you're story can help them feel like they are not alone. I know that reading blogs has helped me a lot through the IF process. I don't envy your decision. As we're now talking IVF, we've talked a lot about how many to transfer, etc, but I've never broached the subject of reduction with hubby. I don't know if I could do it. I don't judge anyone who does and in your shoes I may do the same thing - I know this must be weighing heavy on you and I know it isn't a choice you're making lightly. Good luck.

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  44. Thank you for sharing your story. I, like so many people who have already commented, admire your courage and openness. I respect whatever decisions you need to make for the well-being of your body, life, and family, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

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  45. As a teacher mom of triplets who suffered several years of infertility and a couple of miscarriages, I just have to say I can't believe you won the baby lottery and gave away the prize. How ironic that you are now suffering through preterm labor with a single baby and many triplet moms I know have carried to 35+ weeks. I guess it was a tough decision for you....I just can't imagine seeming so proud and sure of it.

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    1. I thought I might get a comment like this, although I'm still a bit surprised at a time like this - I'll go ahead and post it.

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    2. I don't think you are in the position to judge. Obviously her body is different than the "many triplet moms you know" that have carried to 35 weeks. Were two of yours mo/mo? Were you in her position?

      You don't have to agree with everyone else's decisions, but it was very crappy of you to call my friend's suffering "ironic". You should go hug your babies and be very thankful. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

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    3. Are you seriously attacking someone while they are in the hospital, fighting to hang onto her baby? You may not understand her choice, but I can't understand your cruelty. She wouldn't be winning the "baby lottery" if she hadn't reduced and lost all of them. Shame on you.

      Mrs. GG - I'm with you 100%!

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    4. If she ended up in preterm labor with one - imagine what could have happened with three. Just sayin.

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    5. Visiting from ICLW and just wanted to say I totally respect your decision.

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  46. OK....I had to comment on this...I'm stumbling through blogs today and wanted a little back story on your bed rest. OMG the position you were in and are in are so amazingly challenging. I can't even imagine. I am a NICU nurse and I've seen just about everything in regards to triplets/quads/quints. I commend you on making the right decision for your family and situation. As I have never been in your shoes, I cannot comment other than I have absolutely no idea what I would do in your situation. I think you are an amazingly strong woman to share your story because this is such a tough topic. I'm getting ready to go through an FET and we are transferring 2 embryos....this story scared me just a bit, but I'm grateful you have shared your story.

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  47. You do what is best for your body and your family. Bottom line!!!

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  48. Thank you for sharing your very difficult story. Only you know whats best for you and your family. I'm just sorry you are faced with having to make this very difficult decision. We are about to embark on our 1st IVF and your post has definitely given me pause on how many embryos to transfer.

    My dear friend TTTS with her twins. She lost one and the other one still can't gain enough weight on her own at 2 years old and has a feeding tube. This is without the complication of an additional child in the womb. I shared her story on my blog if you're interested. It is titled Words the will Shatter Your World.

    All I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will be following more closely to see how your journey unfolds. Again, thank you for being brave enough to share here. People can be very judgmental so I'm sure it wasn't an easy to decision to be so honest and open.

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  49. I cannot imagine being in your position and I commend and respect you for being so strong and for being able to make such a difficult decision. I am on a FB infertility group and someone was complaining about your decision - I got in this person's face about how none of us in the IF struggle should be judging each other, lest others judge us (for taking drugs, for doing IVF, for freezing embryos). The judgments could go on forever!

    I will point out, though, that hindsight is often 20/20. If you had transferred only 1, you might have transferred that embryo that stopped growing. Then you might have been left wondering "what if I had transferred two?!" But what do I know - I can't get it right no matter what I do.

    Keeping you in my thoughts.

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  50. Recently found out I'm pregnant with 4. All have heartbeats. Very sick and emotional. We have a reduction scheduled but looking for support. This topic is so rare and controversial. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

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  51. Hi...I am a mom who chose to have a fetal reduction (triplets to twins). It was the hardest decision i have had to make..ever in my life. To watch that little heart beat and then the ultrasound showed it had stopped. I felt like the worst mother on earth. I have said sorry to my little baby everday since that day and i thank God and my little baby for giving my beautiful boys a better chance at life.My twin boys are healthy and happy 5yr olds...Thank you God.

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