The Holidays are Hard : (

I wasn't sure how I'd feel about the holidays this year.  Mostly, I'm really excited.  I think not having work stress makes Christmas season much more fun.  I'm excited to put Dylan in his little "Gift for the Ladies" outfit.  I think the nurses will love it!  I think we'll have fun ringing in New Year's at the NICU with him.  We'll sneak in some Martinelli's and some glasses...

But today was not fun.  Thanksgiving is not something that you can bring to a hospital.  It feels wrong that all of my family was together, but not him.  It's not fair.

Mr. GG and I planned on going to the hospital on the way to my mom's, but because we wanted to take the dog and because there would be tons of food in the car, it couldn't work how we had planned.  I was already feeling a little sad that Dylan was missing out on family time, but this put me over the edge.  It's true, we still had 3 options; leave the dog at home, drive separate, or go see him after, but I still lost it.

I think Mr. GG was caught a little off-guard by the tears so he said "It's okay, we can fix this" thinking I was upset about not going to the hospital, but when he asked what's I wrong I just said that's it's because HE'S in the hospital.  It just felt all wrong and enhanced the isolation that I already feel for him when he's at the hospital alone.

I knew that I could not relax for a second today without going to see him first, so I drove the hospital (still crying) while he drove to my mom's with the food and the dog.

He was fast asleep looking super comfy when I got there : ).  They had even reduced his oxygen, upped his feedings, and eliminated one of his IV nutrient infusions.  Pretty cool.

As soon as I saw him, I instantly felt better.

Thanksgiving with my family was nice, but it'll be much, much better next year.

Way too Long...

You may think I've abandoned this blog but I haven't!  I'm still here...  I'm 6 weeks post partum this weekend.  It feels like a mix between forever and no time at all.

I know many of you are following Dylan's blog, but I just want to give a quick update for those of you that aren't.

After surgery on Halloween, things were kind of up and down.  Dylan was doing ok, but not great.  He's wasn't progressing in his breathing and it was very frustrating.  So the doctors decided he needed steroids.  They have some risks, but do wonders for the lungs.

They did not disappoint!  Within a week after steroids he was off the ventilator and onto a machine called a SiPAP.  Within a few days of SiPAP, he was trying just high flow Oxygen (like adults get), and now he's on the high flow over half the day!  Amazing progress.

He's also getting noticeably bigger and increasingly interactive.  He even got his first little mini head bath this week.  I'm getting to hold him twice a day, change his diapers, take his temp...fun stuff : )

Although this is still stressful and not what I had envisioned, I'm doing pretty well (most of the time) and I'm having a lot of fun getting to know my little guy.

If I don't post before then...Happy Thanksgiving!