I wasn't sure how I'd feel about the holidays this year. Mostly, I'm really excited. I think not having work stress makes Christmas season much more fun. I'm excited to put Dylan in his little "Gift for the Ladies" outfit. I think the nurses will love it! I think we'll have fun ringing in New Year's at the NICU with him. We'll sneak in some Martinelli's and some glasses...
But today was not fun. Thanksgiving is not something that you can bring to a hospital. It feels wrong that all of my family was together, but not him. It's not fair.
Mr. GG and I planned on going to the hospital on the way to my mom's, but because we wanted to take the dog and because there would be tons of food in the car, it couldn't work how we had planned. I was already feeling a little sad that Dylan was missing out on family time, but this put me over the edge. It's true, we still had 3 options; leave the dog at home, drive separate, or go see him after, but I still lost it.
I think Mr. GG was caught a little off-guard by the tears so he said "It's okay, we can fix this" thinking I was upset about not going to the hospital, but when he asked what's I wrong I just said that's it's because HE'S in the hospital. It just felt all wrong and enhanced the isolation that I already feel for him when he's at the hospital alone.
I knew that I could not relax for a second today without going to see him first, so I drove the hospital (still crying) while he drove to my mom's with the food and the dog.
He was fast asleep looking super comfy when I got there : ). They had even reduced his oxygen, upped his feedings, and eliminated one of his IV nutrient infusions. Pretty cool.
As soon as I saw him, I instantly felt better.
Thanksgiving with my family was nice, but it'll be much, much better next year.