I have never cared less about a New Year than this year. We have no plans. I barely even knew that New Year's Eve is actually tomorrow. Mr. GG flies out for a business trip on New Year's Day.
Originally, I was planning to spend New Year's in the NICU. But now it just doesn't seem like there is a point. Baby should be asleep. And sure I can tell him one day that we were with him at midnight...but does it really matter? I will be awake since I usually pump at 11:30 but I'm just not that into it.
That being said, Mr. GG and I did come up with a last minute plan. Sushi and wine. Hot tub and smores by the fire pit. And sex. (I really hope my mom isn't still reading this blog.) We have not had sex since...hmm...well somewhere back when I was pregnant. And before that was probably before we started IVF. In April. Our count for 2012 is probably somewhere around 10. Maybe I underestimate. We were trying to make a baby at the beginning of the year. But since then...close to zilch. Until tomorrow... ; )
Being in the NICU is getting harder and harder. The first 3 months were fine. I knew he needed to be there. I wasn't supposed to have him until January. But it's almost January. And all of the people that were due around me are starting to have their babies. And take them home. I kind of felt like if we could take him home by his due date, that it was all okay. Because all of this has been borrowed time. But it's very likely that he won't be home by then. I'm working on preparing myself so I don't totally freak out.
He just needs to eat. But it's so hard!! He eats 44 mls a sessions, but the most he's ever taken by bottle is 22 mls. And that was just once. Yesterday he took 17 twice. Today 10 (but he was working on a big poop at the time). Two days ago...2! He seems so normal at this point. His heart rate still drops occasionally, but in general he's doing so well. He's over 5 pounds! He seems so close to coming home...yet I have no idea when he'll start to get how to feed.
Anyway...2013 is going to be a whole different world. 2012 thoroughly sucked. Besides the fact that I conceived and had Dylan. That was great. But every single thing surrounding it was traumatic and I will gladly put it behind me. Here's to a new year!
And to those of you who are still in the trenches...I am rooting for you every day. I was a little frustrated by the fact that during the Sandy Hook coverage everything focused on parents. "Go home and hug your kids today" was all I saw on FB. But you do not have to have a child to feel utterly devastated by what happened that day. I've been thinking about this since then and wanted to all of you to know.
If you are still interested in following Dylan's blog and haven't been added yet, send me an email. If you have put your email in a comment instead, I probably haven't added you. Sorry! It's much easier to reply with the link by email.
Here's a recent pic: