We are starting a season of second "first" holidays. Dylan was only 3 weeks old at this date last year. He was still right around two pounds, or about 900 grams. I had a little Halloween preemie onesie that I laid on top of him at one point. It would have been huge. Halloween wasn't tough in the "holiday" sense since Dylan was in very serious condition at this point. He needed to be in the hospital and it barely registered that it was in fact Halloween. I don't remember being jealous of baby or pumpking patch pictures. I was too busy.
But as I was reading P's post, I realized what was actually happening on Halloween last year. Dylan had his PDA Ligation. That's the surgery where they close put a clamp on the PDA valve between the heart and lungs. It's supposed to close at birth, but does not in the case of many preemies. He wasn't eligible for the medicine to close it because he was also have bowel issues.
I remember sitting next to his isolette in the brand new private room in the new NICU that had opened the day earlier. I remember telling him to be brave and that I loved him. And it seriously chokes me up to think back on it.
During his surgery I sat outside by a fountain and cried. I'm not sure exactly why I was by myself, but I was and it was probably easier that way. I never thought anything bad would happen, I really didn't. I was just so sad for him and for us. This wasn't something any of us should be having to go through.
The surgery went very well although it took longer than we expected to recover. Today was the beginning of a turning point last year. About 8 days later, Dylan finally got off the ventilator which was when we first got to start imagining bringing him home. At this early stage, I didn't even plan a shower or finish the nursery. We weren't sure if he would make it and wanted to protect ourselves and not jinx anything.
I'm glad that I forgot about what today marks. I was too busy preparing my Katniss costume and texting the nanny for pictures of Dylan in his second costume. The one I saw at Target last night and just had to have.
And now for the pictures of my 14 pound larger, breathing on his own, fully mobile Cowboy Monster!
Oh my gosh - that line about you telling him to be brave and that you loved him... tears. No one should have to experience a moment like that. So glad you have your monster on the move safe and sound at home now :)
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