Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Falling Back In Love

If you read my Valentine's Day post, you'll probably realize that our marriage has been work recently. Or maybe not even work as much as two people living parallel lives united mainly by our love for our little boy. I don't know if it was infertility or having a preemie or the regular newborn lull or just us in general, but we've been struggling. And any one of those factors would be a valid source of stress in a relationship.

But...we don't have any huge issues, no infidelity and definitely not hatred. We just have a piling up of lots of the little things. He thinks I nag all the time. I don't think he cares about me. We're sarcastic instead of truly friendly or loving. (And there is very little going on physically between us.)

I think the low was January though. We've had occasional conversations about the state of "us" and each time, we have tried a little harder. The first step was doing more things as a family on weekends. Family outings are fun, even if they're small. It's really different and special to feel like "a family." An outing might be a trip to the park or a long walk around a golf course or a trip to Costco. We're also planning our first Disney trip for next month!

And we've taken another step forward in the last week or two. (Admittedly, I'm initiating all of this, but I think he needs me to right now and it's abundantly clear that the energy and effort one person expends yields similar benefits in return.) I'm trying to do more around the house to keep it clean (he's much, much neater than I am and messiness just causes an underlying level of constant frustration on both our parts). I made dinner last night! I've started kissing him good-bye before I leave in the morning (he's still in bed) like I used to do when we started dating. We're cuddling for a few minutes before we go to sleep... I can't tell you how huge this one is! It feels nice and loving and normal and like old times.

I never expected marriage to be perfect or not be work and I know for many marriages, this is one of the hardest times (we also are in our 7th year which is also commonly a tough time). So I'm willing to truly work on it and I look forward to what our relationship will be months and years from now.

I absolutely want to be married to my husband and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. He's a fantastic father and a really great person. I'm pretty sure he believes the same about me.

We're just working on being a great husband and wife.


  1. I really appreciate how candid your posts are about love and marriage. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3, and there are definite peaks and valleys in our relationship. Nothing hugely spectacular or horrible, just happier times when we laugh a lot and work as a great team, and tougher times when we snip at each other and feel at odds. It's so refreshing to read a blog where the relationship isn't always puppies and rainbows - though I hope you get there soon, it's comforting to know no one has a perfect marriage.

  2. Ugh - I understand. I have been feeling lately like we need to work on "us" more and not just on the things we share (like a child and a home, etc). Sounds like you are making some good first steps though!

  3. This is so good to read. We also have been struggling. It's just hard to balance us and baby and, sadly, us takes a back seat constantly. This gives me hope, though! Glad you are working through things.

  4. I feel like my husband and I solely exist for our daughter these days so I totally get this! Glad that you guys are working through things and I hope that we can work on "us" sometime soon as well.

  5. Wow, this is right on. And it is oh SO HARD.

  6. We're there too. Marriage didn't really change us, but TTC, pregnancy and now child definitely have. We too are working on spending more quality time as a family and adult time too.

  7. Hi darling :) keeping you in my thoughts. I think hubs summed it up the other day when I said I was excited for him to come home because the baby was hard work. He was like, really, that's why you want me to come home? Some days having the energy for everyone is just tough.

    I also wanted to say good luck to your AP kiddos on the test tomorrow :)

  8. Right there with you. Since Cooper was born, we have definitely taken a back seat. A lot of it is me and my laziness with the relationship. In turn, he becomes very complacent. There is just so little energy left over after work and baby. We need to really work on being connected and not two separate people in the same room doing separate things. There are no real fights, just 'blah'. The biggest problem with this is that it can turn into a partnership instead of staying a marriage. I am worried about the direction things are going but I don't know how to stop it. I am so glad you are moving in the right direction. I am really hoping to initiate the same. You have support and commiseration my dear. Having children changes things drastically which means drastic things need to happen to get back to a good place.