No, Dylan's not 1 yet. Soon. But one year ago this week (Sept 21st to be exact), when I was 23 weeks pregnant, I went into labor and was hospitalized for the remainder of my pregnancy.
It's been kind of difficult in a PTSD kind of way to start the school year. I still replay all of the things in my mind that could have maybe caused me to go into labor (although I have absolutely no evidence that there was any specific reason).
It's really hot in Southern California in September. I teach in a bungalow without air conditioning. Last year, on Friday of the first week of school (2 weeks before I went into labor), it was 105 degrees. I had my class moved to an air-conditioned building, but the a/c stopped working around noon. My 6th period AP class was writing an essay and I remember sitting in the back of the classroom in a chair, just waiting for the bell to ring. One student had to be walked to the nurse's office with heat exhaustion. I don't know why I didn't just tell the office that I needed to go home or be somewhere cool. Actually I do know why. I didn't really know any better. I thought I could wait it out another hour. It kills me to think back on this day.
Do you remember last year when I said I finally booked and went to pre-natal yoga classes? I was so proud of myself for actually starting to work out after feeling out of it for the entire pregnancy up to that point. Before yoga, I had walked a bit, just in the last month or so, but that was it. I went to two yoga classes before I went into labor. Wednesday, 9 days before and Wednesday, 2 days before. The second class only had three people in it, two pregnant, one not. The other pregnant girl was much farther along than I was. The instructor had us do a move where we put one foot on the wall and bent 90 degrees sideways. It felt ok while I was doing it, but I have secretly wondered if it caused a placental abruption. I started bleeding on Friday. It's possible that a small piece of my placenta tore away from my uterine wall although it was never able to be confirmed. I went into labor 2 days after that class. Even though I have no idea if this class contributed to labor, I still question whether the instructors truly knew the safety of what they were asking us to do. The studio caters entirely to pregnant woman so I assumed that they would know what was appropriate more than I did. But I wish I had never gone.
And the list doesn't stop there...
So I'm still not over it. How could I be? I still am a little disturbed when I'm around women in their 3rd trimester. I still feel a little jealousy and do not like hearing about their aches and pains, etc. And the other day when my friend who's about to have her third said that she hoped this one came early, I kind of wanted to smack her.
Really the only thing that makes it all okay is that Dylan is okay, great actually. We are amazingly lucky. He has defied odds. If he hadn't, I'm not sure I'd be able to get over it ever.
Sorry for the depressing post, but I need to put it out there. Catharsis or whatever.
But my advice to all pregnant women is that it is so much better to be safe than sorry! Go to Labor & Delivery for monitoring whenever something is weird. Every other day if you have to! Don't feel stupid about it. Trust your instinct. Let people take care of you and carry things for you and let you sit. You don't have to be and shouldn't be Super Woman while pregnant. Don't leave yourself any regrets! And I wish all of you 10 months of baby-growing!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Nanny Tales: The Language Barrier
This post almost pains me to write because of the emotion is so fresh and raw. (I like to ignore things that really bother me. Excellent coping skill!)
Background: Before hiring our nanny, I did a half-day trial and everything went well, although I realize that's not enough time to learn anything at all. Then before I went back to school, we had a couple of half days and a full day together. She watched me feed Dylan, make bottles, put him to sleep, etc.
I'm also pretty anal and I write everything down. So I have a notebook where I've put important information for her.
Right from the start, I felt like Dylan's bottles were weird when I got home. I normally have two separate bottles of pre-mixed formula and fortified breast milk that I mix into Dylan's bottle. But there were never the two larger bottles in the fridge. I figured she had run out. But then sometimes the consistency of his milk was weird. Usually, too thin. I suspected she was using all breast milk. So I went over the 50% mixture with her and I thought we were good. She said she understood.
I had discussed bottles with her at least two times before last Friday and every time she said that she understood. And she said it in such a way that I was completely confident that she did, in fact, understand.
Then last Friday, I came home and found 4 bags of frozen breast milk (empty) in the trash. That totaled about 28 ounces of breastmilk. Dylan eats 15 ounces MAX when he is with her, so only 7-8 ounces of actual milk since the rest is formula. I was extremely pissed. Livid actually. I quit pumping at the beginning of last week and was hoping to get almost to January with frozen milk. I kind of felt like we were running out too quickly, but I just figured I was less on top of the situation because I wasn't at home. So on Friday I realized for the first time that she was using all breast milk!
Implications:
1) She was using the breast milk WAY faster than I had planned. I spent 11 months creating this stockpile and I'm extremely upset to have it just slip away. I know Dylan got the milk either way, but it's frustrating to have something that you have spent so much time deliberating about and thinking about just slip through your fingers.
2) Dylan liked the consistency of the mix we were giving him. She was feeding him a much thinner solution and therefore he was eating less, therefore, he gained less weight for the first month she was with him. This makes me angry and I feel so responsible for not figuring it out and fixing it earlier.
3) He is supposed to be getting 24 calories an ounce. I'm pretty sure at times she has used breast milk like water, meaning she added an entire scoop of formula to 50mls. OMG! So maybe these super high calorie bottles evened out the lesser? But typically a baby will eat less volume if the calories are too high. So basically I have no idea what calories he's been getting.
I feel extremely responsible for not spelling things out in better detail and having detailed descriptions above the area where we store the formula and bottles. I should have done it. The only reason I didn't is because she always seemed so confident! She watched me and read my notes and told me that everything was great. She has really misrepresented the amount of English that she understands. I have no problem with her asking me 100 questions a day. But I have a HUGE ISSUE with her not asking questions when she doesn't understand.
So now I really don't know if I can trust her. I know I can fix this milk issue. Mr. GG is going to show her (again) this morning. Or I could make all of it all of the time, but I don't think that will be necessary. But what will be the next thing that she doesn't understand?
I'm going to give her another chance. I do think she takes good care of Dylan, but my radar is beyond up. : /
Background: Before hiring our nanny, I did a half-day trial and everything went well, although I realize that's not enough time to learn anything at all. Then before I went back to school, we had a couple of half days and a full day together. She watched me feed Dylan, make bottles, put him to sleep, etc.
I'm also pretty anal and I write everything down. So I have a notebook where I've put important information for her.
Right from the start, I felt like Dylan's bottles were weird when I got home. I normally have two separate bottles of pre-mixed formula and fortified breast milk that I mix into Dylan's bottle. But there were never the two larger bottles in the fridge. I figured she had run out. But then sometimes the consistency of his milk was weird. Usually, too thin. I suspected she was using all breast milk. So I went over the 50% mixture with her and I thought we were good. She said she understood.
I had discussed bottles with her at least two times before last Friday and every time she said that she understood. And she said it in such a way that I was completely confident that she did, in fact, understand.
Then last Friday, I came home and found 4 bags of frozen breast milk (empty) in the trash. That totaled about 28 ounces of breastmilk. Dylan eats 15 ounces MAX when he is with her, so only 7-8 ounces of actual milk since the rest is formula. I was extremely pissed. Livid actually. I quit pumping at the beginning of last week and was hoping to get almost to January with frozen milk. I kind of felt like we were running out too quickly, but I just figured I was less on top of the situation because I wasn't at home. So on Friday I realized for the first time that she was using all breast milk!
Implications:
1) She was using the breast milk WAY faster than I had planned. I spent 11 months creating this stockpile and I'm extremely upset to have it just slip away. I know Dylan got the milk either way, but it's frustrating to have something that you have spent so much time deliberating about and thinking about just slip through your fingers.
2) Dylan liked the consistency of the mix we were giving him. She was feeding him a much thinner solution and therefore he was eating less, therefore, he gained less weight for the first month she was with him. This makes me angry and I feel so responsible for not figuring it out and fixing it earlier.
3) He is supposed to be getting 24 calories an ounce. I'm pretty sure at times she has used breast milk like water, meaning she added an entire scoop of formula to 50mls. OMG! So maybe these super high calorie bottles evened out the lesser? But typically a baby will eat less volume if the calories are too high. So basically I have no idea what calories he's been getting.
I feel extremely responsible for not spelling things out in better detail and having detailed descriptions above the area where we store the formula and bottles. I should have done it. The only reason I didn't is because she always seemed so confident! She watched me and read my notes and told me that everything was great. She has really misrepresented the amount of English that she understands. I have no problem with her asking me 100 questions a day. But I have a HUGE ISSUE with her not asking questions when she doesn't understand.
So now I really don't know if I can trust her. I know I can fix this milk issue. Mr. GG is going to show her (again) this morning. Or I could make all of it all of the time, but I don't think that will be necessary. But what will be the next thing that she doesn't understand?
I'm going to give her another chance. I do think she takes good care of Dylan, but my radar is beyond up. : /
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Solids: Take 2
So last time I wrote about solids Dylan was occasionally swallowing some food, but things were extremely frustrating. We have seen an Occupational Therapist bi-weekly since he was in the NICU and she suggested trying some "meltable" foods such as Baby Yum Yums, Plum wafers, and puffs. Dylan really likes all of these! I truly think they are basically junk food, but they have calories and they have taught Dylan to chew and swallow food when it is in his mouth, so I like them. Now they've become a vehicle for adding to the calories into his meals.
At our last appointment I had anticipated that Dylan would be 15 pounds. I should've learned months ago not to set a goal, but I haven't. He was 14 pounds even and I was pretty upset. The 6 weeks between the last two appointments were his slowest gain since he was born. All kids slow down around this age, but we don't want Dylan to because we want him to eventually (soon) cross the 5th percentile line and get on the growth chart. It really doesn't matter a whole lot since he is gaining and I am confident he will get there eventually, but it's definitely difficult to know that your child is smaller than 99% of the world (it's the WHO chart). And I'm talking adjusted age (nearly 8 months) not his actual age of 11 months.
So we are really focusing on calories.
It's always bottle first. He's averaging 21 ounces a day (with random days of 28) and he still takes about 7 bottles a day. He just doesn't seem to increase his volume enough if we space out feedings, so we're following a more is more approach for now.
He's getting 2-3 meals of solids a day and I'm label-reading like crazy (since most of the food is pre-packaged at the moment...still working on the cooking). Dylan is actually pretty okay with texture in his food which is awesome. We've tried some of the Level 3 Plum "meals" and although he sometimes gags at the quinoa in them, he still eats it all and has never thrown anything up. His favorite is the Sweet Corn and Turkey (with added formula and oatmeal cereal of course). Then for "dessert" he gets a Plum wafer slathered with cream cheese. I want the solids he eats to be at least 20 calories an ounce so that they are worth it (his bottles are 24 calories an ounce). Most packages are 60 or 70 calories for about 4 ounces so a little under the mark.
Dylan has two teeth and is pretty good at "chewing" his food with the sides of his mouth. I can't wait until he can start eating more table foods, but he's not ready yet. I am also pretty terrified because I'm feeling an inordinate amount of pressure to start making healthy meals that all three of us can eat. (Mr. GG and I pick up food about 6 nights a week and he's usually the one to cook on the 7th night...) I've pinned about a million ideas, but the start of the school-year is stressful and I feel like I'm drowning (in ungraded paper and pressure to be super-mom at the same time). Fortunately I have a couple of months until I need to get on it. I'll probably be asking for lots of advice, so start thinking of it!
Also, if you have any high-calorie, but still relatively healthy food suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Like, I mentioned, he's okay with a little bit of chunky texture, but he doesn't love smooth foods like yogurt. I think mixes will be key.
I don't have any new "eating" pictures except for this one:
And some other cuties:
At our last appointment I had anticipated that Dylan would be 15 pounds. I should've learned months ago not to set a goal, but I haven't. He was 14 pounds even and I was pretty upset. The 6 weeks between the last two appointments were his slowest gain since he was born. All kids slow down around this age, but we don't want Dylan to because we want him to eventually (soon) cross the 5th percentile line and get on the growth chart. It really doesn't matter a whole lot since he is gaining and I am confident he will get there eventually, but it's definitely difficult to know that your child is smaller than 99% of the world (it's the WHO chart). And I'm talking adjusted age (nearly 8 months) not his actual age of 11 months.
So we are really focusing on calories.
It's always bottle first. He's averaging 21 ounces a day (with random days of 28) and he still takes about 7 bottles a day. He just doesn't seem to increase his volume enough if we space out feedings, so we're following a more is more approach for now.
He's getting 2-3 meals of solids a day and I'm label-reading like crazy (since most of the food is pre-packaged at the moment...still working on the cooking). Dylan is actually pretty okay with texture in his food which is awesome. We've tried some of the Level 3 Plum "meals" and although he sometimes gags at the quinoa in them, he still eats it all and has never thrown anything up. His favorite is the Sweet Corn and Turkey (with added formula and oatmeal cereal of course). Then for "dessert" he gets a Plum wafer slathered with cream cheese. I want the solids he eats to be at least 20 calories an ounce so that they are worth it (his bottles are 24 calories an ounce). Most packages are 60 or 70 calories for about 4 ounces so a little under the mark.
Dylan has two teeth and is pretty good at "chewing" his food with the sides of his mouth. I can't wait until he can start eating more table foods, but he's not ready yet. I am also pretty terrified because I'm feeling an inordinate amount of pressure to start making healthy meals that all three of us can eat. (Mr. GG and I pick up food about 6 nights a week and he's usually the one to cook on the 7th night...) I've pinned about a million ideas, but the start of the school-year is stressful and I feel like I'm drowning (in ungraded paper and pressure to be super-mom at the same time). Fortunately I have a couple of months until I need to get on it. I'll probably be asking for lots of advice, so start thinking of it!
Also, if you have any high-calorie, but still relatively healthy food suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Like, I mentioned, he's okay with a little bit of chunky texture, but he doesn't love smooth foods like yogurt. I think mixes will be key.
I don't have any new "eating" pictures except for this one:
And some other cuties:
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Back at School
...and no time to blog!
But in a nutshell:
But in a nutshell:
- Feeding is going much better although Dylan still needs to be gaining more weight.
- Nanny is going well for the most part although I wish that English was her first language. I'm not sure she always understands what I'm asking. : /
- I quit pumping!! I'm sad and happy, but trying to focus on the freedom of it all.
- I'm planning a first birthday party! Where has the time gone?
- Teaching is so much harder when you have a child at home. Wow. (I also had a child at home last spring, but it was a child who slept all the time and it was the end of the school year...totally different than my big boy who needs real food and daily baths and doesn't stay in one spot.)
- Oh and I have bedbugs. FML. And yes, I did also just tent the house for termites in February. I'm trying to avoid thinking about clearing out and washing everything in both bedrooms after work today and tomorrow. Maybe that will make it less painful? Nope. Not working.
- And the dog has a cyst or something on her knee. She had knee surgery the week of the termites. Hoping this one goes away on its own (am in contact with vet).
So yeah, no time to blog although I literally think about it every single day. School should settle down in a week or two and hopefully I'll be back at it.
Friday, August 30, 2013
My baby is developing a personality.
It's cool. But it's also really, really frustrating! We used to sit in our big comfy chair in the nursery while he ate. Now he stops every 5 seconds to try to sit up, then twists across me to try to pull a book out of the bookshelf...so he can eat it. I almost think we need a new feeding spot.
And don't take anything away from him that he's interested in! One evening, I took a teething wafer out of his hands to dip it in yogurt. He completely lost it! I was so shocked. It was out of his hand (and mouth) for literally two seconds! Wow.
So basically everything is harder now. I love it, but also hate it so much.
I also feel partially at fault or like I'm getting what I deserve because his personality really resembles mine more than his dad's. He's stubborn, opinionated, and doesn't like being told what to do. I also think he's pretty smart. He remembers exactly what he was originally wanting whenever I try to distract him.
I haven't talked much about it, but he's so close to crawling. He sits virtually unsupported, but I still need to be nearby to prevent crashes. He'll lean down onto his hands. He can almost sit up without help (and boy does he try to often!). He will occasionally get on all fours, but usually I have to help him. And he's a pro at pushing himself backwards...just hasn't quite mastered forward yet. Makes him so angry!! He has this loud frustration grunt. He actually has lots of loud noises now.
The nanny transition went pretty well this week, but he's not eating enough for her and it stresses me out to no end. Hopefully they'll get in a groove next week. When it's not 90 degrees. (Working in a 90 degree bungalow is a non-starter. I went to a public library today for the first time in 10+ years. Just me, old people and crazy people. Ok and a few normal people.)
This is my view from my current blogging locale in my backyard. Mr.GG is out walking Dylan to sleep since the house has not cooled down yet. He's a keeper! This heat is not.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Hiring a Nanny
Finding the right nanny was just about as stressful as I thought it would be. Here's how it went down, along with my suggestions.
The Search:
Start your search 1-2 months before you want your nanny to start. I decided to use Care.com because I had seen it on TV and knew a few people who had used it. I bought a 3 month membership. If you are seriously ready to hire, you could easily just buy a one-month membership. I started in June and didn't have a full-time position until the end of August (although this ended up giving us a nice transition period). Within 48 hours, I had at least 60 responses, maybe more. It was both exciting and overwhelming. I went through and "favorited" the applicants that I liked using experience with infants, desired pay, and responsibilities the nanny was comfortable with (light housekeeping, meal prep) as my criteria.
Then I sent an email to all of my favorites which was probably about 15 people. I reiterates that the full-time position would not start until the end of August and asked them to let me know if they were still interested. I did state the dates on the original ad, but I don't think people paid much attention. So be really clear if the position starts in the future.
I asked them to answer 6 questions:
1. Tell me about your specific experience with infants including feeding, creating schedules, etc...
2. Describe a typical day with a 7-month old.
3. What are your career plans? Ideally, we would like to find a nanny that can stay with our family for the next two years.
4. Do you have a driver's license?
Obligatory pic of my cool California dude! (Sitting all by himself at the beach.)
The Search:
Start your search 1-2 months before you want your nanny to start. I decided to use Care.com because I had seen it on TV and knew a few people who had used it. I bought a 3 month membership. If you are seriously ready to hire, you could easily just buy a one-month membership. I started in June and didn't have a full-time position until the end of August (although this ended up giving us a nice transition period). Within 48 hours, I had at least 60 responses, maybe more. It was both exciting and overwhelming. I went through and "favorited" the applicants that I liked using experience with infants, desired pay, and responsibilities the nanny was comfortable with (light housekeeping, meal prep) as my criteria.
Then I sent an email to all of my favorites which was probably about 15 people. I reiterates that the full-time position would not start until the end of August and asked them to let me know if they were still interested. I did state the dates on the original ad, but I don't think people paid much attention. So be really clear if the position starts in the future.
I asked them to answer 6 questions:
1. Tell me about your specific experience with infants including feeding, creating schedules, etc...
2. Describe a typical day with a 7-month old.
3. What are your career plans? Ideally, we would like to find a nanny that can stay with our family for the next two years.
4. Do you have a driver's license?
(and two others I can't remember)
I was kind of shocked, but I only got 4 responses! Initially, this made me very upset, but I think it weeded the candidates exactly as I had intended.
Interviews:
I have conducted job interviews before, but this was very different and pretty awkward. I decided to interview three of the applicants. The first interview was awesome. Let's call her Nanny 1. She is Brazilian and is here first studying English and then will be getting her Master's. All classes are in the evenings. She has great relevant experience and is willing to do light housekeeping and cooking. But most of all, she's really warm. I feel comfortable talking to her. The conversation flowed pretty naturally. She lives about 10 minutes from my house and has a driver's license (but no car). When she left, I thought I'm going to hire the first person I've met!
The interview with Nanny 2 was the polar opposite. Even though I had just conducted an interview an hour earlier, there were tons of awkward pauses. Nanny 2 was very nice, but somewhat reserved. Honestly, I don't really remember the rest, because I knew that I wanted our nanny to be more boisterous and playful than I am. If I'm not going to be the one with Dylan all day, why not find someone who is even better at "playing" and interacting with a baby? I wanted a complement to my personality, not the same personality or a quieter version.
Nanny 3 was perfection. She was super cute and put together, taught preschool, had tons of relevant experience. She and her fiance had moved out here from the East Coast for his job. She lived in the same area as Nanny 1 and had her own car. She was awesome and now my decision became really difficult.
So I was stuck. I really liked Nanny 1, but Nanny 3 was essentially perfect.
The Decision:
As you know, decisions are not my forte and this was such a huge one! I knew I wanted to do a trial with both candidates, but I was also not sure how much it would tell me. I mean Dylan is not going to say "mom, I liked Nanny 3 better." But I had each of them come for about 4 hours on different weekends. Everything went well with both, of course, and I was still stuck although I had forgotten to settle on pay ahead of time and When I asked Nanny 3 if x amount was okay, she said "I usually get y." I was fine with the amount, but it left just the slightest bad taste in my mouth.
I went back and forth so many times and took over two weeks to make a decision (thank goodness they were patient!), but in the end I chose Nanny 1.
Here's why. I was confident in the abilities of both women, but I felt like Nanny 1 might be a little more flexible and less demanding. I want to compensate our nanny fairly. It's an extremely important job. But I also can't pay her what I make or it just doesn't make sense financially. I felt like Nanny 3 would constantly be adding up hours in her head, seeing whether she was getting a good deal with hours worked versus our flat weekly rate, whereas Nanny 1 would be happy with whatever and trust that I was being fair. Our schedule is pretty set, but might be a few hours more one week and less another. But I would always give extra if something out of the ordinary came up. Also, Nanny 3 was working full-time all summer, all the way up to our start date. Nanny 1 was fine with starting once a week immediately which was perfect. She worked about once a week for the rest of the summer and I feel really comfortable with leaving him with her TOMORROW! Aah!
Anyway...it really just came down to a feeling about what would make me the most comfortable. When I told Nanny 1 the news, she was so excited! She said that she had turned down other jobs because she was hoping she would get this one. That sealed the deal and I knew we had made the best decision for Dylan. And maybe he'll learn Portuguese to boot!
She's been here about once a week since mid-July and is here today. She has gotten to know Dylan well, but now she also knows where the trash bags and toilet paper are, how the frozen breast milk is organized and how to work the Keurig. I think it's going to be great for everyone. Fingers crossed!
I was kind of shocked, but I only got 4 responses! Initially, this made me very upset, but I think it weeded the candidates exactly as I had intended.
Interviews:
I have conducted job interviews before, but this was very different and pretty awkward. I decided to interview three of the applicants. The first interview was awesome. Let's call her Nanny 1. She is Brazilian and is here first studying English and then will be getting her Master's. All classes are in the evenings. She has great relevant experience and is willing to do light housekeeping and cooking. But most of all, she's really warm. I feel comfortable talking to her. The conversation flowed pretty naturally. She lives about 10 minutes from my house and has a driver's license (but no car). When she left, I thought I'm going to hire the first person I've met!
The interview with Nanny 2 was the polar opposite. Even though I had just conducted an interview an hour earlier, there were tons of awkward pauses. Nanny 2 was very nice, but somewhat reserved. Honestly, I don't really remember the rest, because I knew that I wanted our nanny to be more boisterous and playful than I am. If I'm not going to be the one with Dylan all day, why not find someone who is even better at "playing" and interacting with a baby? I wanted a complement to my personality, not the same personality or a quieter version.
Nanny 3 was perfection. She was super cute and put together, taught preschool, had tons of relevant experience. She and her fiance had moved out here from the East Coast for his job. She lived in the same area as Nanny 1 and had her own car. She was awesome and now my decision became really difficult.
So I was stuck. I really liked Nanny 1, but Nanny 3 was essentially perfect.
The Decision:
As you know, decisions are not my forte and this was such a huge one! I knew I wanted to do a trial with both candidates, but I was also not sure how much it would tell me. I mean Dylan is not going to say "mom, I liked Nanny 3 better." But I had each of them come for about 4 hours on different weekends. Everything went well with both, of course, and I was still stuck although I had forgotten to settle on pay ahead of time and When I asked Nanny 3 if x amount was okay, she said "I usually get y." I was fine with the amount, but it left just the slightest bad taste in my mouth.
I went back and forth so many times and took over two weeks to make a decision (thank goodness they were patient!), but in the end I chose Nanny 1.
Here's why. I was confident in the abilities of both women, but I felt like Nanny 1 might be a little more flexible and less demanding. I want to compensate our nanny fairly. It's an extremely important job. But I also can't pay her what I make or it just doesn't make sense financially. I felt like Nanny 3 would constantly be adding up hours in her head, seeing whether she was getting a good deal with hours worked versus our flat weekly rate, whereas Nanny 1 would be happy with whatever and trust that I was being fair. Our schedule is pretty set, but might be a few hours more one week and less another. But I would always give extra if something out of the ordinary came up. Also, Nanny 3 was working full-time all summer, all the way up to our start date. Nanny 1 was fine with starting once a week immediately which was perfect. She worked about once a week for the rest of the summer and I feel really comfortable with leaving him with her TOMORROW! Aah!
Anyway...it really just came down to a feeling about what would make me the most comfortable. When I told Nanny 1 the news, she was so excited! She said that she had turned down other jobs because she was hoping she would get this one. That sealed the deal and I knew we had made the best decision for Dylan. And maybe he'll learn Portuguese to boot!
She's been here about once a week since mid-July and is here today. She has gotten to know Dylan well, but now she also knows where the trash bags and toilet paper are, how the frozen breast milk is organized and how to work the Keurig. I think it's going to be great for everyone. Fingers crossed!
Growing up
I read so many of my mom friends say how sad they are that their baby is growing up or getting bigger. Honestly, I haven't had many of those moments yet. I enjoy each day as he gets more and more interactive. And he's still wearing 3 month clothes and will *sometimes* fall asleep on my shoulder. But we've got some upcoming changes that are really giving me pause.
Last school year, I only went back for the last 6 weeks...and he was just 4 months adjusted at the time so he was still asleep often and not nearly on a schedule.
Now I go back on Wednesday and he's 7 months adjusted (nearly 11 months actual!!). He's slept in our room since the day he got home and I love having him there. But he wakes up around 6:30 and that's basically when I need to leave in the morning. I don't want to worry about waking him up earlier, so he needs to start sleeping in his room. And I am sad about it. His nursery is downstairs on the other side of the house. I'd probably still be able to hear him and we have a great monitor, but it's a big step! He already goes to sleep in his crib at night (I move him after the dreamfeed) and takes all naps in his crib, so I'm pretty positive he'll be fine. But it's definitely a step away from baby-hood.
The second issue is pumping...or weaning I guess. Dylan had 100% breast milk for the first 4 months of his life. But he really liked the thickness of Enfamil AR and it got us out of the NICU, so he's been eating 50% BM, 50% formula since then. I say this just to show that I have no issue with formula (except the cost...geesh!). But despite that, I wanted to be able to give Dylan breastmilk through a year adjusted which will come in January. I have a healthy freezer stash, so I figured I could stop pumping when I went back to school and make it until January. And I can.
BUT...my number one concern right now is flu season. We hired a nanny for Dylan so that he would be away from other kids and their germs since his lungs are much more vulnerable to infection. But I'm terrified that I will be the one to bring sickness into our household from one of the 150 dirty teenagers whom I spend my day with. I almost never get sick. And I've always felt that it's because of the immunity I've built up from my students. I hand sanitize occasionally, but also realize that some exposure is good. But not this year!
I'm seriously considering having all students sanitize before entering the classroom (like they do at the hospital) and having all desks wiped down with Lysol at the end of the day. Then when I get home I'll change my clothes and shower. It feels a little crazy, but I don't think I could sleep if I don't do it.
So back to the breastmilk...I wonder how much protection I could give Dylan by continuing to give him fresh milk? Does it really work that fast? How much milk would he need? Is four ounces enough?
Because I do not want to pump at work. I would actually be totally happy to still pump twice a day. But it's not feasible to pump for a half an hour and have a half an hour commute in the morning. School starts at 7:30. (And car pumping just does not cut it. I get almost nothing and then have to "unhook" and such near a school with teenagers walking by. Two times of that was enough to want to die.) I could pump during my prep period, but honestly I just really don't want to. I need to use that time to really get things done so that I can get home to spend time with Dylan. (I can't really get things done while pumping since I need to do compressions for most of the time and need to hand express after.)
So I dropped to just one pump a day last Friday and I'm hoping that my milk will not dry up before January, but I've taken a severe hit with each dropped session since 4 and I'm only making 4-5 ounces now. If I can sustain that amount, I'll keep at it. But if it drops below 4 (with about 40 minutes of pumping, then hand-expressing), then I'll throw in the towel.
I think weaning is hard for every mom, whether you make the the decision immediately, after 6 months, or even at two years. And I'm mourning it before it's even happened, even though he's only been getting 5 or so fresh ounces a day. (And I know that I'm lucky that I've had a supply both fresh and frozen that has gotten us this far.) When do parenting decisions become easier? When they're 20?
He can hold the bottle now!
Last school year, I only went back for the last 6 weeks...and he was just 4 months adjusted at the time so he was still asleep often and not nearly on a schedule.
Now I go back on Wednesday and he's 7 months adjusted (nearly 11 months actual!!). He's slept in our room since the day he got home and I love having him there. But he wakes up around 6:30 and that's basically when I need to leave in the morning. I don't want to worry about waking him up earlier, so he needs to start sleeping in his room. And I am sad about it. His nursery is downstairs on the other side of the house. I'd probably still be able to hear him and we have a great monitor, but it's a big step! He already goes to sleep in his crib at night (I move him after the dreamfeed) and takes all naps in his crib, so I'm pretty positive he'll be fine. But it's definitely a step away from baby-hood.
The second issue is pumping...or weaning I guess. Dylan had 100% breast milk for the first 4 months of his life. But he really liked the thickness of Enfamil AR and it got us out of the NICU, so he's been eating 50% BM, 50% formula since then. I say this just to show that I have no issue with formula (except the cost...geesh!). But despite that, I wanted to be able to give Dylan breastmilk through a year adjusted which will come in January. I have a healthy freezer stash, so I figured I could stop pumping when I went back to school and make it until January. And I can.
BUT...my number one concern right now is flu season. We hired a nanny for Dylan so that he would be away from other kids and their germs since his lungs are much more vulnerable to infection. But I'm terrified that I will be the one to bring sickness into our household from one of the 150 dirty teenagers whom I spend my day with. I almost never get sick. And I've always felt that it's because of the immunity I've built up from my students. I hand sanitize occasionally, but also realize that some exposure is good. But not this year!
I'm seriously considering having all students sanitize before entering the classroom (like they do at the hospital) and having all desks wiped down with Lysol at the end of the day. Then when I get home I'll change my clothes and shower. It feels a little crazy, but I don't think I could sleep if I don't do it.
So back to the breastmilk...I wonder how much protection I could give Dylan by continuing to give him fresh milk? Does it really work that fast? How much milk would he need? Is four ounces enough?
Because I do not want to pump at work. I would actually be totally happy to still pump twice a day. But it's not feasible to pump for a half an hour and have a half an hour commute in the morning. School starts at 7:30. (And car pumping just does not cut it. I get almost nothing and then have to "unhook" and such near a school with teenagers walking by. Two times of that was enough to want to die.) I could pump during my prep period, but honestly I just really don't want to. I need to use that time to really get things done so that I can get home to spend time with Dylan. (I can't really get things done while pumping since I need to do compressions for most of the time and need to hand express after.)
So I dropped to just one pump a day last Friday and I'm hoping that my milk will not dry up before January, but I've taken a severe hit with each dropped session since 4 and I'm only making 4-5 ounces now. If I can sustain that amount, I'll keep at it. But if it drops below 4 (with about 40 minutes of pumping, then hand-expressing), then I'll throw in the towel.
I think weaning is hard for every mom, whether you make the the decision immediately, after 6 months, or even at two years. And I'm mourning it before it's even happened, even though he's only been getting 5 or so fresh ounces a day. (And I know that I'm lucky that I've had a supply both fresh and frozen that has gotten us this far.) When do parenting decisions become easier? When they're 20?
He can hold the bottle now!
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