Thankful...

that DH let me sleep in since I was up for almost an hour with Dylan last night.

that Dylan is starting to string words together into sentences even if he now repeats "mommy where are you?" instead of napping.

that Frozen occupied the boys (D and his cousin) long enough for the adults to eat a nice relaxed dinner tonight.

that my mom is watching Dylan tomorrow night so that DH and I can have a night alone. We were going to do Vegas, but now we're staying in town and might just go to the movies...

that I spied Dylan's cousin putting his turkey headband on Dylan's head.

that my family lives nearby and I get to see them all the time.

that I have this little life...it's pretty sweet.

#MicroblogMondays - It's World Prematurity Day

I'm wearing purple to celebrate this little miracle boy. I cannot thank the doctors, procedures, techniques and medicines that kept him alive and allowed him to grow into the amazing little boy he is today. Have I mentioned that he sings now? Mostly "let it go, let it go, let it go...."

He is a 25 week miracle.

(The picture on the left was actually taken about 5 or 6 weeks after he was born. It was very slow going at the start. The top right is in June when he was 16 months adjusted and bottom right was last week at 22 months adjusted.)

#MicroblogMondays - Love

I cannot get enough of my little boy (I'm sure you all feel the same...I mean most of the time.) He can count to 13 now. Where did that come from?

Here's his "cheese" face.

#MicroblogMondays - Walking Pneumonia

But I guess they don't use that term any more, it's Atypical Pneumonia now. On a related note, I might have beaten the ER as a trigger. I went there for myself yesterday because I really couldn't breathe. That in itself was pretty scary, but no flash-backs. They "right-backed" me which was nice and a chest X-ray confirmed Atypical Pneumonia (treated with antibiotics and an inhaler).

Since Dylan and I have both been battling this really annoying cough for 2 plus weeks, I figured he needed to go in too. He got his own Chest X-Ray, a really nasty whooping cough swab and gets to join me with a diagnosis of pneumonia. At least it's not the really scary, high-temp kind and I don't even think he knows anything is wrong. And our After Hours Peds department is easy and efficient which is so helpful.

Halloween was fun, but Sunday was not.

PTL PTSD

So we took Dylan to the ER last weekend. It was all kinds of stupid. He was crying when walking all of a sudden and grabbing at his knee. We tested him over an hour or so, then I called nurses connection which takes forever and they said to go in. We checked a couple more times to see if it was still happening and it was, so then went in on a Saturday night.  (By the time we got back into the actual treatment area, Dylan was completely fine.)

This was our first time at the ER. Every other time we'd gone to after-hours peds which is a normal pediatrician in a normal office. 

Of course primarily I was terrified of all of the extremely sick people in the ER. Like the teenager who had a 103 fever and looked like death. Or the 4 sorority girls who were getting checked after after a girl at our local University had just DIED of meningitis. 

So Dylan and I kept to ourselves in a quiet area while Mr. GG went to get us dinner. I didn't let Dylan out of the ergo.

But then suddenly I was crying. With real tears. (Not like sobbing, but it was real.) And I was a little surprised. My brain couldn't stop replaying the night I went into pre-term labor over and over in my head and the emotions of that night: fear, panic, disorientation, all came rushing back.

My friend had dropped me off at the entrance to the ER, but there are 3 entrances to the hospital, just one of which is the ER. I went to the ER door, but there were so many people. And I was crying. And bleeding. And it just didn't feel like the right place. Do you go to the front of the line? Wait? I'm not the kind of person to just go in and be all hysterical. It may sound really stupid that I didn't go in, but no one had prepared me for what to do in that situation. So I went in a different entrance instead and I think I went up to the L&D floor, but I can't even actually remember. After wandering around crying, finally a pregnant lady helped me to the triage. 

So I was in the ER, with Dylan, and kept seeing myself hesitate at the entrance and imagining what would have happened if I had walked in. I truly felt the same helplessness and fear.

I'm great in general, but I doubt certain parts of my experience will ever leave me. Luckily, I have very few triggers, but revisiting the "scene" was pretty intense. I just wish I had known what to do that night.

If 1 out of every 8 babies are born pre-term? Why don't we talk about it? And what to do if it happens to you? I understand it's scary and pregnancy is already a time of worry, but actually going into to pre-term labor is much scarier than worry. Why don't we take hospital tours earlier? Or talk to everyone about the NICU? 

What I went through was terrifying and traumatic, but I also think the system let me down. 

November is prematurity awareness month. Go to the March of Dimes and show your support.

#MicroblogMondays - Halloween

I've always been the person who stresses out over what to dress up as for Halloween for a month, then throws something together at the last minute. I'm a high school teacher and it's fun to make the students do a double take. But this year, my costume is basically already done - a whole five days early!

And it's because of Dylan. Halloween is so much more fun with a little one! He and his cousin are going to be Batman and Robin and although it probably cost more than a costume from China (or maybe it was my sister and my inexperience buying fabric), it turned out perfectly. I did all of the pattern cutting and felt work, my sister and mom did the sewing.

We took Dylan to an event on Saturday night and he was obsessed with the dance floor. I can't believe that he's already a little person...who can dance!

#MicroblogMondays - Cousins

I captured this sweet shot of Dylan and his cousin playing the piano together the other evening.

Since Dylan will not have a sibling, I am so thankful that he has his cousin and he's just 3 months older (actual age) and 7 months(adjusted). They are just starting to really play together and it's so cool to watch.

I know that Dylan wouldn't have this cousin if I didn't have a sister (who I am also very thankful for). But maybe D and B will be even closer than brothers? Maybe B will have a sister in the future which is special, but just not quite the same.

No matter what happens, they have each other and it makes my heart happy :).