Thursday, October 11, 2012

Milk!

I think that all mom's of preemies should get a care package of nursing supplies.  It's really hard to be thrown into exclusive pumping without any knowledge whatsoever of breast feeding.  I didn't get to the point of taking classes.  I know a bit because my sister has a newborn, but not enough.

One thing I got immediately was a hands-free pumping bra.  This should come with the bottle kit!  Trying to hold the pumps the entire time is extremely frustrating.  If you move wrong, the milk drips out and you've lost the "liquid gold" as the doctors call it.

My hospital is extremely pro-breast feeding, so as soon as I was moved to my postpartum room, my nurse was teaching me how the use the pump that was already at my bedside.  She even squeezed my breasts to see if anything came out (weird) and I already was producing colostrum a few hours after baby's birth!

At first, I was almost embarrassed to take the few drops I was producing to the NICU to be frozen, but the nurses kept reminding me that it's "liquid gold" and that he'll get so little right at the beginning that the bottles with a few drops will be perfect.

But then on Tuesday night (2 days after birth) I produced 1 ounce of milk in a sitting!  I was really excited.  So it looks like my milk is coming in really well and I'm being extremely dedicated to make sure that I produce as much as I possibly can.

It will probably be a few more days or a week or so until they start introducing food to the baby (straight into his stomach).  At first, the point is not nutrition, it's to start colonizing his intestines with the helpful bacteria that my milk has in it.  They'll see how he does and slowly introduce more and more.  He won't be able to try a bottle until he's around 32 weeks, so that's another month plus of gavage feeding.

Pumping is not fun.  I'm doing it about every 3 hours from start to start.  It takes about a half an hour.  Then there's tons and tons of cleaning of supplies.  It seems like as soon as I'm done and thinking about what to do next, it's time to pump again.  BUT...it's the one thing I can really do to help my son and in that way, it really helps me feel like I am a part of his care.

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More Updates:
  • Head Ultrasound today showed that the brain bleed has not changed which is really great news.  Hopefully it will clear itself up.   Issues to watch for will be clots or increased bleeding.
  • Bilirubin levels have gone down which means baby is no longer at high risk for jaundice, so his lamp was turned off, his little sunglasses came off (and I got to take them home) and he's in a nice dark, calm environment.
  • It's really common in baby's this young for a valve between the lungs and heart to be open.  When the baby is in the womb, mom's blood has oxygen already in it, it skips the lungs and goes directly to the heart (through this little artery) - like a short cut.  All babies have this shortcut, but it usually closes when the baby is first exposed to oxygen right after delivery.  His is not closed and he's showing a few symptoms, but not the major ones.  They are deciding today or tomorrow whether to treat him or not, but it looks like they will.  The risk is that the drug constricts all arteries and can cause an intestinal perforation which would have to be fixed with surgery.  Additionally, if the drug does not close the artery, a small clamp would have to be placed, also with surgery.  Hopefully one of the simpler solutions will work.
  • I changed baby's diaper today!  He's had the same nurse for the last 3 days and she is fantastic.  She gave me some mementos to take home to make a scrapbook for him; his sunglasses, a tiny little (clean) diaper, and a heart shaped monitor sticker.  She also showed me how to change his diaper which was really cool.  It's the first thing I've been able to really "do" to take care of him.
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A note about comments...  

As you may have noticed, I've been posting more negative comments.  One reason is that although they bother me less and less as time goes on, I want to let everyone help me deal with them rather than just dealing on my own.  I'm still partially surprised, partially not at the "meanness" of some people, but that's the world...  I've also had a few comments that I still haven't published, just because they totally twist my words around.  Like saying that a nap is the most important thing to me.  That's not what I said.  I would still have preferred to be in the hospital if he was still inside of me, but once he was born, I desperately needed to get my strength back.  If I get sick, I can't see my son.  

I also realize that my blog has only the slightest shred of anonymity.  Many people know my true identity.  There were reasons that I didn't want to share every decision with "the public" but I'm kind of over it.  I would not have changed one decision except that I would have only transferred one embryo.  I'll probably post more about that later.  I've shared my infertility and pregnancy roller-coaster pretty freely in my real life and have only received support.  I know there are people out there that would not support me, but there are enough who do and would that if a broader audience finds out, so be it.  With that...I'll post his name and a picture later this week.

Last word.  This blog has meant so much to me over the past year.  I don't think I could have dealt with some of things that have come my way without getting my thoughts out on here and receiving support from the infertility community (and beyond).  Thank you.

27 comments:

  1. Based on this post, I went back to your past entries and read some of those comments. Those people are disgusting and should be ashamed of themselves. I'm so upset on your behalf and impressed that you are not letting them bother you. Then again, you have more important things to think about, like your son, and you're right not to think of people who are so hateful. Sounds like things are going as well as they can be at this point - happy to hear you and baby are doing well.

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  2. I'm so glad to hear he is doing better each day and that bit by bit you're able to do little things to take care of him, changing his diaper and pumping. I'm praying for your little one.

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  3. Breast milk - yes! Good job... I have heard this is no easy task.

    Hoping and praying with all my might that baby keeps getting stronger and staying healthy.

    And shitty comments? WTF? I totally don't get it. You are amazing.

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  4. Store the pump parts in the fridge between uses and you don't have to wash them every time!

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  5. Such encouraging news! Go Baby GG! Hubs and I continue to think of you and your family.

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  6. So happy to hear things are going well !!! :) All the love and support and hugs you need are being sent your way!

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  7. Always here for you xox It was nice they have you some momentos to bring home. Good luck in the next little while xox

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  8. Keep on keeping on. You're doing so well - and so is he, by the sounds of things. He's a fighter!

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  9. Yay! Awesome news! You are so lucky to be in the pro-BF environment. My nurses drug in a pump about 4 days after my c-section, which I think always had an effect on the milk that I produced. Sounds like you are off to a great start. My milk decreased around 4 months...I tried a number of things, and the most helpful were drops called Motherlove/More Milk Plus, and herbal supplement that I've had no problem with and that my OB backed as well. I also was on domperidone, which is fantastic. Other things like Reglan can really mess with your system and made me super-tired. Domperidone was fantastic. It does have to come from a compounding pharmacy. Just wanted to let you know in case you ever needed the information. Also, have the nurses told you about warm compresses to help milk letdown? I used diapers with hot water in them (waste of diapers once you're out of the hospital and don't get free ones) and also found out that microwavable buckwheat/bean (?) compresses helped (the kind you get for aches and pains). I would also look at pictures of the little ones and think about them; that helped a lot as well. It took forever. Do you have a hospital-grade pump? And have you noticed how the pump always seems to "talk" to you? Mine said RICHard nixon RICHard nixon, I swear.

    As for the valve, are you talking about the PDA? I didn't know that it was a matter for concern until later; my son's wasn't closed until around 35 weeks (he was born at 33). I don't remember if they gave him the medicine or not. I would be really worried about intestinal perforation. That's the absolute worst thing. I lived in fear of NEC when I was in the NICU (necrotizing enterocolitis). Two of my friend's triplets died from this condition. Anything with intestines freaked me out. Every little poop was something to celebrate. I really hope that the medication is not necessary...that sounds scary :( I will keep you all in our thoughts and prayers. Awesome news on the bleed. That's a great sign. I cannot wait to see the pictures :D

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  10. FYI...you might find this journal article from 2008 helpful on the Spontaneous Intestinal Perforation (SIP) issue and indomethacin. It concluded that if indomethacin is given within the first three days of life, but apparently males do worse on the drug. Apparently they have learned that SIP is now different than NEC, which is a good thing.
    http://www.benthamscience.com/open/topedj/articles/V002/11TOPEDJ.pdf

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  11. That's great that your milk is coming in and you are able to store some up for your son. At least that is one (small) worry taken care of. I am rooting so much for baby gg and hope he continues to do well and avoid any big procedures!

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  12. I am sorry for the bad comments...I really cannot believe the insensitiveness of people. Pumping is hard.

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  13. I am shocked and disgusted on your behalf. I think of this community as such a safe and supportive space it really upsets me when this sort of cruelty sneaks in. I think you are right to publish some of the remarks though, as others may wish to respond on your behalf and show support. I am so glad you are winning on the milk front and I am sending love to you and your little one.

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  14. Yay for milk! I already have dreams about breastfeeding and I'm not even 8 weeks pregnant yet. I think it's so cool that we can feed our babies!!

    I'm glad to hear that Baby GG continues to make progress. That is so sweet that the nurse is letting you help, and giving you little things to hold onto.

    I am disgusted at some of the comments people have made on your blog. Some people are simply mean for the sake of being mean. Know that you will never hear anything like that out of me. I do hope that the negative comments stop!!

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  15. Very happy to hear the progress of baby GG. You are doing a great job in spite of all that you have been through. I really admire your strength! I am so suprised to learn how insensitive people can be, always regarded this community as supportive.Great job on the pumping and diapering!!

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  16. I will never understand what motivates people to leave hateful comments on blog posts... particularly when the posts deal with extremely sensitive, emotional issues. If you disagree, leave. Simple as that.

    (Whew. Punching someone in the face would have been more satisfying, but I feel slightly better getting that out of the way).

    I'm saying a prayer every day for your little guy. You know better than anyone that a tough road lies ahead, but he is lucky to have you and your husband on his side.

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  17. I typed out a long post to you and my phone lost it so basically what it said:

    I felt so ridiculous taking syringes to them but the nurses made me feel awesome so it kept me motivated :)

    I'm now filling up a storage bottle with each pumping so you will be, too!! :)

    Our nurses gave us a preemie diaper, a tiny hat, a preemie paci, and a blood pressure cuff for their keepsake box!

    Thinking of you and baby GG. I emailed you a few days ago so when you have time, I'm here waiting to catch up <3!!!

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  18. I was just having a conversation with a friend who was an avid breast feeder. She called it liquid gold too. That is awesome about the hospital being so pro breastfeeding I'm hoping mine is but I guess I have to wait till December to find out. I am glad Baby GG is getting stronger and improving everyday.

    On the comments- I understand we are all entitled to our own opinions but I don't understand how some people can be that mean and vindictive on something that is yours. I understand by putting it out here that you do open yourself up but I guess if you don't agree don't read.

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  19. Glad to hear things are going well. Your baby is always in my thoughts.

    The comments aren't just mean, they're stupid too. Whether or not someone strongly disagrees with your choices, or your reactions to the things that have happened (ie the commenter who said she was disturbed you were so happy to leave the hospital and any other mother would be desperate to stay)-- that ship has sailed. What good could it possibly do to berate a complete stranger over the internet over something that can't be changed?

    Some of these posters should take their righteous indignation and actually do something productive with it, rather than spend all their time maligning someone they don't even know over something that is over and done with.

    Alas, the internet is a harsh mistress. I am so glad you continue to update for those of us who want to hear how you and your family are doing. I am glad you are getting so much support from the people you know.

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  20. I am glad you explained about the comments. I was wondering, why bother moderating if you're going to let those people in? But it makes sense. Some of them, I think, are just trying to respectfully disagree, not realizing that this is a personal journal blog and not, say, a magazine article. Others, I can see where they are coming from personally (having clicked over to read 1 blog of a negative commenter), but they're not going about it the right way. You are right, though, there are a lot of people here to support you, so let them help!

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  21. so happy for you that things are going well and baby gg is making progress. we're routing for him:)

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  22. Sounds like little man is doing pretty darned well, all things considered! Glad to hear you're in such a pro-boob environment. Very awesome.

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  23. I'm glad to read some positive news about you and baby gg. I am so sorry you are receiving hurtful comments during this time. There's a time and a place, and this is neither.

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  24. Can't even imagine how overwhelmed you are!!! But so happy to hear that your little guy is coming along and that your body is responding just the way it should. Hang in there!!! Can't wait to see pics/name. Thinking of you :) PS Sometimes people just suck!

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  25. I'm so sorry you've received harsh comments :( What you need more than anything right now is support, not harsh words. Hug!

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  26. I'm going to go back and read the comments later, but as a mom who was an exclusive pumper, I wanted to offer a little advice to help you get some rest between pumping sessions....I had 5 sets of pumping supplies. I didn't wash them immediately after each use, but when I had used them all up. Saved me tons TONS of time while pumping. And get yourself some of those wipes to get all the droplets off right away. You're doing awesome with pumping and this can really help you....feel free to email me if you have any questions....I pumped exclusively for 6 months....OK now I'm going to read and will comment again later I'm sure! Good work MOM!

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  27. You know, I was going to post some stuff to the haters (most of whom, I'm pretty sure, have no clue what it's like to have gone through fertility treatment or faced the difficult decisions that you have) about the pressures of infertility and how some clinics actively encourage women to have more embryos put back and how hindsight is not 20:20 and that maybe if you hadn't had the reduction *none* of the babies would be here now and how noone has the right to tell anyone else how they should feel - especially when they actually have no idea how they're really feeling in the first place etc etc. But then I remembered a quote I read on a friends Facebook page last week and decided it's just not worth it. From Ben Goldacre's excellent book 'Bad Science': "You cannot reason people out of positions they didn't reason themselves into". Hang on in there and keep strong :-).

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