Monday, October 1, 2012

This is Getting Old

At some point last week I kind of felt like a fake - like everyone else in the hospital was there for a legitimate reason and that I wasn't really.  I've done this to myself before, thinking my issue is less significant or whatever, but the bottom line is.  THEY admitted me and never said that I could go.

Unfortunately - I don't feel like a fraud anymore.  Many of my nurses have told me to "stay boring."  Well the last couple of days have been far from boring.

This will recap the last post a touch, but whatever...

Two days ago (while Mr. GG was here - things always seem to happen when he's here), the contractions started to hurt.  Throughout the week I was rating them 0-2 on the pain scale.  I could feel them and they felt weird and tight, but they didn't hurt.  The contractions on Sat night were coming every 5 minutes and were a 5 or 6 on the scale.  That's when they gave me my first Terb shot as well as a 1mg bolus of Mag.  And it worked...until the next morning when the contractions started picking up again - still moderately painful.  So they did the Mag and Terb again.

The third Terb was in the evening I think.  It worked magically for an hour, then I started having contractions again.  "We" decided just to watch them and stop shooting me up with drugs.  So overnight, they increased to about a 7 but did not increase in frequency (3-4 an hour I think but maybe it was more).  I kept telling the nurse that these were more painful, but the odd thing is that the monitor has been having trouble picking up these more painful contractions.  They are lower, like really bad menstrual cramps, and spread out through my upper legs.  So she didn't want to call the doc until she saw a pattern.  Frustrating.  I basically didn't sleep from 12 to 4 am.  Well...I kind of did in a weird dream-like state of pain.  I'd wake up and try to remember to tell her that I just had one, then I'd wonder - "Did I just have one? I'm pretty sure I did.  Why else would I have paged her?"  I'm losing my mind a bit.  They ended up giving me a 4th shot at 4 am.

I was also dreaming of epidurals.  I think that is about the amount of pain where I would start asking for one.  But girls who are trying not to deliver babies don't get epidurals.  They get to suck it up.  Fun.

Today they measured my cervix again and it's a bit shorter (2.1-2.4) but still not in any kind of danger zone.  They don't think I have an infection and don't think I have a placental abruption (based on temps and blood work).  So there is no harm to baby or myself right now (besides my sanity which I can deal with).   So whenever these contractions start, we'll just try to stop them.  Until we can't.  Or I'm distressed or baby is distressed.

I definitely know I need to be here, that's not really a question.  I'm not feeling like I'm missing things out in the real world yet.  I think that'll be ok until the holidays.  But I am starting to get jealous of the regular pregnant people.  Starting?  Who am I kidding, I've been jealous for years now...I'm used to that too.  Wearing your cute maternity clothes.  Having your beautiful baby showers.  Driving.  Working.  Shopping.  (It's ok though pregnant blogger friends.  I am still happily following along.  I take most of my animosity out secretly on strangers or random uber-fertile FB friends.)

I just want to know that in the end, my baby will be ok.  Then everything is worth it. I do believe that is true, but I want a cosmic guarantee.

16 comments:

  1. Ugh - I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glass that you have stayed there though and no that they tried to send you home and this all happened there. I hope the bleeding and contractions stop and that you can be a normal pregnant lady soon!

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  2. This stinks. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your PG, especially with how much you went to to get to THIS point! I say since you can't wear cute fun maternity stuff out you pamper yourself with as much other PG stuff as you can. :)

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    1. Yeah, basically that means I'm just eating a lot. : ) They all think I'm small here in the hospital...but I think it's just relative.

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  3. I so here you on wanting to be a normal pregnant lady. I'm Kayakgirl btw.

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  4. It is so frustrating when, after struggling just to get pregnant to begin with, someone doesn't get to experience a normal pregnancy. You're 24 weeks now, right? So the longer you stay in the hospital and the baby stays in, the better your odds are. You WILL end up with a healthy baby in the end, I just hope your experience from now to then is relatively calm.

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  5. This does stink! Great news though about no infection or placental abruption. And I'm really happy to hear your positivity through all of this. Cosmic signals would be great, of course, but you trusting that everything will be ok is really good, too! And, I know there are a lot of people out there sending positive thoughts your way. (GreenThumb on HB)

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  6. You poor lamb, hang in there, we are all thinking of you. With many thoughts and much love x

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  7. I know exactly what you're going through, I delivered the twins last Wednesday at 28 weeks. :/ I just haven't had the chance to update the blog (working on it now) but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you <3

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  8. I remember when you first announced you were pregnant on the blog and then everything that happened after and thinking I don't know how I would have gotten through it. And you were able to. You will also be able to get through this. It's not fair and you deserve for it to be so much better, but just keep telling yourself you have to keep thinking about that baby you have thriving inside of you. I hope things slow down soon, you so deserve it....thinking of you and keep us posted, please!!!'

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  9. Thinking of you. Keep that baby safe inside a while longer! I also was in hospital in pregnancy but I can hardly compare it to yours cos mine was only a few nights for blood pressure and then bed rest for the rest of that last month. Having this baby in my arms makes it all worth it so focus on that. Xx surviveandthrive.co.za

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  10. Sending you internet hugs. It will be worth it. Stay boring!

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  11. Oh gosh, I hoped that things were getting better! The contractions sound awful, and I'm glad they've been able to get them to stop each time. Are they still hunting for a reason, or does this fall under the we'll never know umbrella?

    I keep my fingers crossed that your little one stays in there for a long time yet!

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  12. Hang in there sweetie. Keep thinking of your baby boy in your arms. And stay boring. xoxo

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  13. Oh I can imagine how hard it would be to have to sit in that hospital waiting for a baby that should stay warm inside you. I always think about how I wish I could experience a normal pregnancy. So far it really has been, but my worry and monitoring has made this very un-normal. I will be thining of you and hoping that baby stays put for a long time to come.
    Alissa

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  14. Blog is quiet. I hope you are well. Thinking of you!

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