Sunday, July 8, 2012

Results of Going Public

Most of my thoughts and responses have been mixed among the numerous comments to the last few posts, so I thought I'd lay them out here as well as some of the things I have done in response to the comments I have received.

1) I said in an earlier post that I would still have transferred 2 embryos.  I have completely changed that opinion.  There is so much data thrown at you during IVF that it kind of all blurs together.  I honestly only considered the chance of twins (i.e. both embryos taking).  I saw and heard very little about identicals except that they are very rare.  Now that I have identicals after IVF, I'm seeing that's it's much less rare, especially with twins (triplets are still extremely rare).  Although we never got a satisfactory diagnosis of our infertility, the main factor was most likely my husband's morphology.  Although I had borderline high numbers for ovarian reserve.  In that case, and because our embryos were high quality, I believe I should have been advised to only transfer one.  Really the reason I didn't is that I was totally comfortable with having twins.  I didn't think it was a huge deal.  Obviously it is.

2) I had already done a lot of the scientific side of the research.  But at the prompting of some commenters, I looked at additional personal stories.  Mainly I was looking for women who had gone through reduction and that is what I read.  Most talked about being extremely conflicted beforehand.  Some were really comfortable with their decision, for various reasons, after the fact.  Others, one in particular that I read, felt pushed into the procedure by doctors and regretted it the entire time.  I had already found and reached out to a few women in my position, but I'm glad I looked a bit further.

One woman said that in this situation, at some point, you have to think with your head, not with your heart.  This is most of the part that I have posted.  The emotions, anxiety, conversations with my husband and family...that has all happened behind the scenes.  Then I came here and described how I was feeling and how I came to my decision.  Yes, I'm straightforward in my writing.  No, that does not mean that I'm a heartless bitch. 

Some commenters have really twisted individual words I have said around, but the fact is that this has been a difficult pregnancy for me.  I don't feel invested or excited.  I believe most of that is protecting myself against the reduction.  I don't want to get attached because it will be harder than it already is.  I've said this many times, but I feel like I'm in limbo, just waiting for the rest of the pregnancy.  This also seems to be a common feeling in women who are pursuing reduction.

3) I've been not surprised or shocked, but saddened by how women can treat each other.  I am being personally attacked by people that do not know me.  I know that I chose to make this public, so I can't be and am not upset that people are reading about my story and that the word is spreading.  But I really don't see the point in attacking me.  I am making a decision that many people do not agree with.  But what does it solve to attack?  If I cry, will it make you feel better about what I'm doing?  Just about all of these women are moms.  Is this how you are going to teach your kids to treat other people?  Is it ok since it's something you believe is morally wrong?  I personally don't think so.  I will teach my child to respect all people, including the ones he/she does not agree with.

At the same time I want to thank the triplet moms who have shared their story without attacking, even when you still urge me to reconsider.  I read every single comment and I appreciate hearing your stories.

4) None of this has shaken my decision.  Once my husband and I looked at all of the information that we felt was important to our situation, we decided what to do.  Many comments have focused on the fact that you can have a successful pregnancy with triplets and you can raise triplets.  I understand that. Everything could be perfectly fine.  But after our struggle, we are not willing to take that chance.

This is from a CNN article:

"When a woman is carrying three or more fetuses, the medical argument in favor of selective reduction is clear. A 1999 study compared the outcomes of 143 cases of triplets reduced to twins with 12 sets of triplets and 812 sets of twins. A quarter of the women carrying triplets lost the entire pregnancy, versus 6.2 percent of those who reduced triplets to twins, which was in line with the miscarriage rates for the nonreduced twins.


Further, a quarter of the triplets were severely premature (and all had attendant complications), compared with 5 percent of the triplets reduced to twins."

Yes, there is a risk with reduction.  But statistically, it is smaller than the total risk of a triplet pregnancy.  This is fact.  I am happy there are so many successful stories out there.  But there are also many pregnancies that ended in total miscarriage.

This is the primary reason that we are choosing to reduce.  Along with this is the risk of medical conditions caused by premature birth.  And yes, we are also worried about raising 3 children, but that is definitely the last reason, not the first.  I know it's easy for readers who disagree with me to latch onto the last factor, but it's just not the whole story.  If this pregnancy was less risky, it would be a much harder decision.

5) I almost decided to share some of the nastiest comments here.  I've been trying to hold my anger back, but when a group of women choose to talk shit about me, it makes me mad.  I'm only human.  But after smartly waiting a few days before posting, I'm less angry and I don't see a point in posting them.


6) I want to thank my husband for being the best partner I could ever ask for.  This entire infertility journey has really held us together.  When I have a tough day, he finds a way to make it better.  There is no way I could do any of this without him.

*     *     *     *     *

Some people have shared there story completely publicly.  And this experience has really made me want to reach out to them and say thank you.  Because it sucks to deal with the effects of making controversial decisions public, but if you reach even one person in a positive way, I think it's worth it.

42 comments:

  1. I totally support you a million times over. If we can't be real here, where can we be? Making rational, logical decisions is not the easy way out - it's the brave path forward. Kudos. Hang in there.

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  2. Now I'm getting angry. I read through the comments and am applauded that there are so many that would criticize you for this choice. First off, carrying triplets is VASTLY different from having 3 separate pregnancies. It's like comparing apples to lettuce. Secondly, there is so much data about how destructive it is to carry more than one baby. Hence the reason so many clinics are moving towards single embryo transfers.

    Look, you know the facts and you are making the best decision for you, Mr. GG AND for your children. You are not heartless. Far from it. And I wish more people had the courage to step forward and talk candidly about their decisions as well as about the realities of multiples. To assume that everything will be sunshine and rainbows for everyone just because it worked out for someone else is foolhardy.

    I'm thinking of you tonight and sending you lots of love. Because you deserve nothing less.

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  3. I've never commented before, but I am just sick knowing that people are being hurtful to you. If you don't like reading what Mrs GG is writing, click the little x on the page and go away! I think you are brave to make a decision like this. I support you 100%. Don't let catty women hiding behind the veil of anonymity/the Internet get you down! Best wishes during this hard time.

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  4. I am so sorry that you are made to feel that you have to justify the decision that is best for your family--one that is no doubt gut wrenching and painful as much as it is one ONLY you and your husband can make.

    My heart goes out to you.

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  5. I guess that with a topic like this emotions and opinions will always run at full heat, but I just want you to know there are still many of us who utterly support the decision you are making. We are here for you. If this feels like the best decision for you then that is all that matters. I think your reasoning is very sound and obviously not an easy, or rushed decision. I am sorry you have had to deal with unkindness.

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  6. I give you a lot of credit for putting yourself out there at such a difficult and vulnerable time. The decision you're facing is one that all of us going through IVF risk facing and I think that unless any of us have ever found ourselves in your shoes it is not for us to judge. I can't imagine going through everything we've been through to have a baby only to be facing the risks and decisions that you're facing. I'm sorry for the mean comments that you've received. Do your best to ignore them and make sure that you're doing what you feel is right - you're the one that has to live with the decision, not them. In time they'll have moved on to the another blog and forgotten all about you. Good luck to you.

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  7. I think that people are missing the biggest point. This isn't our life and our personal situation, it is yours. Whether you chose to make this journey public shouldn't matters either, still your life. Therefor people should keep harsher judgemental comments to themselves and give you support or leave you alone. I'm sorry but I think itstruly pathetic that grown woman would attack someone that is pregnant and struggling to make an informed decision for her family. Seriously, shame on them!

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  8. I think your last sentence is key as it really hits on why you are doing what you are doing (sharing your experience publicly). If your story, experiences, insights, and research can help guide someone else through the tricky territory of infertility, and IVF in particular, then it is totally worth it. Many of us were given pamphlets and heard standard speeches about multiples before we went through IVF, but it is stories like yours that make this real and might even prompt others to take the time to do more research and consider the possibilities before jumping in to treatment.

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  9. I am a 51-year-old former French and English teacher who is the mother of 5-year-old GGG triplets. Like you, I implanted more than one embryo and like you, I was advised to have a reduction. My decision to go forward with a triplet pregnancy was based on my husband’s personal convictions. For weeks after that discussion with our reproductive endocrinologist, I was haunted by his words. I questioned our decision at every turn. I wondered whether I had jeopardized the pregnancy, my teaching career, and even our marriage by deciding to proceed with this high-risk pregnancy. I was not even able to tell my father who is a retired Ob-Gyn about our pregnancy because I did not want him to scare me about the risks. When I finally told him at twenty weeks, he turned ashen gray and told me that this was an IVF failure, not a success.

    I cannot offer you validation for your difficult decision, nor can I criticize you for making it. I know that I am blessed that I had a relatively easy pregnancy and gave birth to three healthy girls at 36 weeks. I am very thankful that my husband had the courage to “go for all or nothing.” My husband knew me well enough to know that if we had reduced, I would have spent a lifetime living in regret for what could have been.

    I will not delude anyone by saying that having triplets is easy. It has put a strain on us financially since I gave up my teaching career. It has also put a strain on our marriage, but I know that one child can ignite marital problems. I can only tell you that I am grateful that I listened to my heart and not to all the warnings and scare tactics used by my reproductive endocrinologist.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I know that this decision must be heart-wrenching. I hope that your grief will be short and the joy that comes from giving birth to a happy, healthy child will last a lifetime.

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    1. Again one of the many reasons I love you so much Rachel!!

      www.tripletsplus1.blogspot.com

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    2. Kristina, your humor and your strength is why I love you. ABC mothers, or in your case, ABCM mothers have to stick together!

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  10. Once again, thank you for sharing your story!

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  11. Oh Mrs. GG, I am so sorry you're getting so much flack over what is such a personal and difficult decision. If it helps, it is the decision I think I would likely make in your shoes (using my head, not my heart). It is tough, because there are good outcome stories with triplets but there are also so many tragedies. And just a twin pregnancy is complicated enough (heck, I am a basket of nerves and I'm carrying a singleton!). I think it is huge and wonderful that you are choosing to be so open about this. I don't know that I would have the strength to do so. Part of me wishes you would publish at least some of the negative comments so you could have our support around that as well. Please know there are many of us out here supporting you and thinking of you. I look forward to you getting to a place where you can start to enjoy this pregnancy. Wishing you continued clarity and strength until then.

    Mo

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  12. *applauding* You really are my hero. You are so strong and articulate your thoughts and feelings so well! I know that you are going to make an amazing mother.

    I agree completely with what you said about teaching children to respect opposing opinions. I have never understood the idea of calling people down and trying to make them feel bad just because their opinions differ from yours. I see so many mothers teaching their children to be cruel because they disagree. I was raised to believe that if you disagree with someone, it's ok - people are allowed to have their own opinions. If we all agreed it would be a boring world right? I just don't understand why some people think it's ok to try to make others feel terrible because they disagree!

    And you're right... women are horrible to each other! it's just not right!

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  13. Hi! I found you on LFCA. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with hateful people. It's not anyone's place to pass judgment. I hope that for each person out there that is giving you grief, there are twice as many people supporting you. I haven't been in this position, but I can't imagine that it's a decision to be made lightly and the fact that you are handling it in the "public eye" has got to be that much harder. I hope everything works out how you want it to!

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  14. Thanks for sharing your story! You did the best with the information that you had when you decided to transfer 2 embryos. People do not understand the roller coaster of IVF and the huge emotions that are involved. I know this decision is hard and you are doing the best thing for your family! I hope all people who don't understand would just click away. Take care and good luck with the pregnancy!

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  15. Please try to ignore the judgmental and rude morons that you've been dealing with regarding your decision. Any one that thinks that this was an easy choice for you and your husband to make is either insane or has the IQ of a potted plant... no one WANTS to do a selective reduction. You're doing it to make sure you have a healthy child in the end and also to keep YOU healthy during the pregnancy.

    Big hugs, and thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story.

    And I also really don't get the blood-thirsty glee that some women take in attacking others. It makes me very sad for any children growing up in THEIR houses with that as a role model. Total lack of empathy, of understanding and basic human kindness - justified to themselves through their own narrow personal creeds or religious beliefs most of the time. Bash anyone that doesn't think the same, tear them down and hurt those not following the path they decided was the "right" one... crazy or stupid, or both.

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  16. I'm so sorry to hear that you're getting nasty comments! Still here supporting your decision, wishing this could be easier for you.

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  17. I think many people are reacting to this emotionally and its sad that they have to turn to attacking you when no one has the right to judge someone else. This is your life, your body and your risk. No one has the right to tell you what to do. I applaude you for sticking to your guns. Don't be bullied by the negative comments. In the end you are doing what is right for you. On a daily basis we may encounter things in life we don't agree with but people can't go around attacking other people cause their ideologies aren't in line with each other. Keep sharing your story and giving strength and hope to other ladies out there who have not only gone through this but maybe were too afraid to speak out but also for those who may face it in the future.

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  18. Thank you for posting about changing your mind about transferring 2 embryos. I truly hope the future of ART includes more eSET's. I believe when we create life via IVF we have certain responsibilities as humans to value said life. Of course, each embryo certainly does not equal a human...but the potential is indeed there when we perform a transfer.

    I am sorry you have been attacked--that solves absolutely nothing. I hope that most of these women are acting out (although inappropriately) because of their drive to protect life. One could see how the life you have inside you that will be terminated can surely spark intense anger in those who strive to protect life at all costs...but being awful to you does not help their cause either. The law says it is a woman's choice, but it is kind of sad that the life growing inside a woman has no voice or no choice...surely you can see that viewpoint from those who share it with you in a respectful way?

    As far as the dangers of a multiple pregnancy...statistics can be manipulated very easily. The 1999 study is not only outdated (as medical advances have come a long way, as have the approach to multiple pregnancies), it is a very small case study. Ultimately gathering information from MORE THAN ONE well informed, up to date, experienced MFM specialist is your best way to find out the truths about your own unique situation.

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    1. I've received a couple of comments about the fetus/baby having no choice. I personally have always felt that life started at viability. But regardless of that, children/babies do not have a choice until they are older and can speak. That is the first part of parenting...making the best choices for your children. I totally see why people are sad because of my choice - but the way I see it is making a decision that will benefit my child.

      I agree with having more studies and have looked at more than I posted. I was honestly being a bit lazy in posting what was closest at hand. In my case the riskiest part according to 3 different doctors I have seen in the combination of having three and having the two identicals sharing the same sac as well as placenta. This is a higher risk than 3 fraternals or 2 IDs and a fraternal when they have separate sacs.

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  19. I completely understand the risk of Mo-Mo twins is way higher--especially in combination with a singleton--no arguments there! As far as life beginning at viability...in my opinion that is just ridiculous. Talk to any mother who has lost a child before viability and they'll tell you differently. I'm just saying, you clearly have 3 lives inside you and you are doing what you see best as their parent by reducing that life from 3 to 1. However, please don't tell me their life has not begun because they are not yet viable.

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    1. This one's just a no win for either side in my opinion. I believe it's "life" from conception and totally understand the heartache of miscarriage before that viability. I could have said birth instead of viability, but viability is just how I've personally felt for as long as I've considered the issue. This has been debated for decades without anyone coming to agreement, so I don't expect us to today. I guess for me personally it would come down to the issue of "personhood" rather than life.

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  20. I was kind of waiting for this post- there was another blogger that I read every day, and I loved her writing. I couldn't sleep one night and paged through her entire archives. Finally she made the announcement that she was deleting her blog due to too much negativity. It wasn't the comments posted on her blog so much she minded, as she had control over those. It was people discussing the blog on other sites disparaging her and her family and she decided enough was enough. (And her blog wasn't even about anything too controversial, just her day to day life, but people live to judge). It may be creepy as I never met her in real life, but I really enjoyed her blog and still really miss it.

    I can't imagine how I'd feel going through what you are and then having to read complete strangers rip me apart and call me a bitch over something that had weighed so heavily on me. I'd probably quit because I'm pretty sensitive. But I hope you don't. We both started trying to conceive around the same time and posted about it on weddingbee. I crossed my fingers every time you posted about your TWW. I cheered and congratulated you when you posted about lucky cycle 13. I was really sad to read your follow up post. And I refreshed over and over every time you were expecting your results (what can I say, I have a lot of downtime at work). I may not know you, but I've been following your story for almost 2 years now, and I know I'm not alone. Do what's best for you, but know a lot of people support you and just want to hear you had a happy ending, whatever that may be.

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    1. Thanks so much! If you would ever like to talk, PM me over there. I wish you lots of luck!

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  21. Mrs. GG...
    I believe you to braver then I could ever be. Keep your head up, ignore those that are trying to tear you down, and do what's right for you and your family. No one can ever argue a decision that's made for the betterment of your family. Thank you for letting us be a part of your story, there are so many who support you and your decision.

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  22. Okay so I am a mom to triplets. When I heard the news I was horrified. The RE told me all the risks and gave me the card to a reduction specialist. For what was an easy decision for most was not for me. What if they all died and I could have prevented it? What if they have severe issues, can we handle it? Can we survive on one income when I'm the primary bread winner? We didn't tell anyone for weeks and I searched high and low for reduction information. Then I finally realized that I could not make that decision and I was going to let the pregnancy continue in completion. People were astounded that I even considered reduction. I thought about it my entire pregnancy and even for months after as they were born at 25 weeks and spent 4 months in the NICU. But what happened was they were all completly fine. Our marriage is stronger and it makes my heart hurt to look at one and imagine if they were all alone without their best friends in all the world. But I do understand. What I would implore you to consider are two things. 1. Will you look at the love of your life each morning as you rock him or her and wonder what the siblings would have looked like and what could have been? 2. Would you consider continuing the pregnany and offering someone not as lucky as you a shot at being a parent via adoption? I will give you a name of someone who would be the best parent ever and would take your twins sight unseen. I wish you all the best and hope that your decision is not one you regret. I thank my lucky stars every day that I have these children here with me and am so glad I chose life...

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  23. Hello Mrs Green Grass. I too am a triplet mommy; I delivered my triplets (high risk pregnancy) at 35 weeks, all weighed more than 5 lbs, and one almost 6lbs. I too had made the decision to reduce, until I did more research. I read that article you posted. Please note the date on the article you posted was studied in 1999. My first daughter was born in 1999... THIRTEEN years ago. I implore you to do more research. No matter what the statistic says, it is so so very unfortunate that it's the women who want babies so desperately they will do almost anything for them; who are faced with the decision to reduce. Three was our " Grey area" too, so I do understand.
    Might I add, that regardless of all statistics you read, that the statistics for those two aborted babies, is now zero. They have a ZERO chance of survival, vs 60 or 70.
    If someone told you that you had a rare desise, and the survival rate was only 60 or 70 % (and with triplets carried past 12 weeks it's actually significantly higher); wouldn't you fight for your own life? Do everything you could to live?
    I didn't bond with my babies right away either, for the same reason; chose to keep the choice to myself, but am so grateful every single day for my babies and for my choice to keep them all. I know I would have regretted my choice every single day.
    Best wishes to you for a healthy pregnancy.

    Feel free to check out my blog: http://1plus3forme.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you for your story and I will read your blog. I realize that article was old, but I have looked at much more current research also.

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  24. I am not here to attack you or tell you that I think you are wrong for making this decision. I respect you enough not to do that. It is sad that women are saying hurtful things and talking about you in other places. I am, however, here to tell you my point of view on fetal reduction. Please, please, please reconsider. Maybe you feel like this is the only choice for you, but please, before you make your final decision, think about it again. I have 4 year old quadruplets and they are the most amazing little people I have ever met. No, it's not easy. Yes, it changed everything. ONE baby changes everything too. My husband doesn't have the highest paying job so finances are tight for us, but the love I get from my kids makes it all worth it. We live in a small house, drive a used van, and don't always have everything we want. But we are happy. Incredibly, blissfully happy. Having quads is most definitely not what we wanted but it's what we got and we are more than ok with that. I briefly considered reduction and I am so grateful that we chose to go ahead with the pregnancy. I posted on my own blog today about my thoughts on reduction. I didn't link it to you....I respect you as a woman and would never do that, although I did share a small part of your situation. Please take a moment and read it. Think about our story and what I have to say. Think of your growing children in your belly. How those tiny little people that YOU created are developing. Growing arms, legs, hearts, brains, perfect little fingers and toes that someday you will love to kiss. You can take care of three babies by yourself. It is possible. I had a lot of help with my four, but I did it on my own too. It will be hard and will most definitely have it's challenges but it is so worth it!
    www.woollenquads.blogspot.com

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  25. I only stumbled upon your blog via the blog roll from another I read just before this current pregnancy. So I am new to this and have not really comented up until now. I was torn as to how I felt. I understood your logic, but my heart hurt that two babies would be terminated. It was not until this post that I decided to write.

    As a mom of two babies not conceived easily....I know the heartache of infertility and just wanting that healthy baby at the end of the road. We did several ART cycles, miscarried identical twins, had failed IVFs....believe me...I know. And every time we went into a cycle...we took risks and just prayed we did not get higher order multiples. We were forced to have the conversation about reduction before even starting the process because it was wise to know how we would react if we did get trips or higher. And we even agreed it was probably always best to reduce to twins or less to give us the best chance. Luckily...we never had to do more than theorize how we would react. You are a brave woman for posting this publicly. But once you go public you have to take ALL of the good and the bad that come from that.
    I have always been pro-choice...yet I know I could never terminate as I believe life starts at conception. But that doesn't mean I get to tell others what to do or not do that is within the law. As a Christian, others would say it is my duty to fight for your unborn children...but really? What good would that do? I wouldn't be fighting FOR them...I would be fighting WITH you over your own heart/mind and a decision you have obviously thought through very much. A decision you and your husband agree upon and who am I to butt into the middle of that? (even though you kind of invited me by having a public blog...wink wink).

    BUT....the reason I comment today is because up until now...all I have read is logic and fact. I never read, gleaned, felt any true raw emotion from you about how hard this decision really is for you. You have been so good about presenting your conclusions that you missed out on letting others in to see how hard emotionally this really is. Today you felt more real to me because I did read and feel a little bit of the angst (not the anger over other's comments....but the emotional roller coaster you are on now...as you approach the reduction date). If you truly want and need the support of your readers...let us in on how you are feeling...because even though I may not have been able to make a decision like this....I would gladly empathize with you on how hard it is and give you a cyber hand to hold as you go through the journey.
    I know the coming week will be a hard one. Step away from here and the negativitiy it has spawned from others so you can be at peace as you undergo the procedure. The last thing I would want would be for three lives to be lost...so take care...hang in there...and I hope to hear all is well with you soon.
    Kd

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  26. I am a mother of triplets... I carried 1 fraternal and 2 MoMo's (like you currently). I carried them until 32 weeks per the recommendation and they spent just 2.5 short weeks in the NICU before coming home. That I know is not the norm but somehow my girls did it. Today all three are very active 18 month old little girls (my profile pic is old obviously). I love them dearly, and I cannot imagine my life without them but I can honestly tell you that I enjoyed very little of my pregnancy because each time they hooked me up to the monitor (4xs a day as inpatient in the hospital from week 25 on) I wondered if that time would be the time they couldn't find one or two or three heartbeats. This type of pregnancy carries very significant risks and honestly until someone is presented with that specific situation- no one can really say what they would do. A lot of mothers that undergo a MoMo pregnancy actually end up suffering from some form or other of PTSD due to constant risk and worry that they undergo. I think it is a shame that people are degrading you for such an extremely personal and obviously painful decision. I have read your previous writings and it appears as though this has been an agonizing decision and certainly not a flippant one as others might suggest. Am I happy that I took the option to not reduce? Absolutely! But that doesn't mean that it gives me the right to cast judgement on others that decide otherwise. No one can walk in your shoes but you and I am sure whatever happens- it was nothing that came easy for you.

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  27. Just a lurker (and an nicu nurse) here to say I can't imagine how hard this decision must be for you, and to offer support for the decision you've made. No one else has to live your life, or odds are sit beside your triplets isolettes watching them undergo multiple painful procedures. Yes there are success stories out there but there are also terrible stories. Wishing you peace with whatever decision you make.

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  28. I'm not a regular reader, but I do remember you from ICLW. I heard of your story, and just wanted to drop by and say thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the best!

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  29. I just found this via online and I had to comment. I apologize people have been rude and I know you have had lots of opinions but I wanted to give you an opinion from a triplet.

    I was born in 1985 and I am the one who would have been terminated had my parents chosen to terminate one of us based on the doctor's recommendation. Obviously I am SO incredtibly thankful for my parents' choice and that they gave me a chance to live! In 1985 triplets were not as common as they are today and we were the first born at our hospital. My mom made it to a month of her due date and so we were born at 8 months weighing between 3lbs 11oz (me) to 5lbs 7oz (my brother). We were only in the hospital 10 days and have thrived ever since. I know not all triplets are born without complications (my sister did have the umbilical cord around her neck but had no problems from it). Of course it was hard on my parents but we were so loved, had built in playmates all the time(!!) and we have all grown up to be upstanding citizens all graduating college and my sister and I graduating graduate school.

    So please, please, reconsider. I know that if my parents had chosen to abort me I would have no idea (or maybe I would, God only knows for sure) but I know they gave me a chance at life when all the doctors were telling them not to and all the risks. But every baby comes with challenges. When you have three babies at once you learn that as normal and not one. I would never change the way I grew up and loved having my brother and sister going through the same things I was going through at the same time. If you want to hear my perspective feel free to email me.

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  30. Thinking of you! You are so strong to share your story - I am sorry for the negative comments you are getting.

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  31. It is absurd to me that women are treating you so horribly. You are doing what you feel is right for you and THAT is all that matters. You are being mature, well though-out, and logical in my opinion. (not saying that all mom's of triplets should reduce, but it seems right in your situation!) I'm glad you are standing by your decision. Sending my support and love your way.

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  32. I don't understand why people have to be mean. When I get mean comments it makes me sad that people want to hurt others. It also makes me wonder why people have to judge at all! Just read the blog and be supportive. If you don't agree.. move on. If you have an opinion or a thought that isn't constructive or kind, don't leave a comment.

    I appreciate your honesty and as a reader I certainly don't think you are insensitive at all. You are doing what is right for you and your family.

    Hugs and Love.

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  33. I'm sorry that people have felt the need to share their unsupportive and mean comments with you. I want to be surprised by that, but I am learning better.

    I, too, am very straightforward - mostly with anyone in real life that isn't my husband. My mom even sent me an email yesterday letting me know that I don't sound happy and excited enough. First I was upset and deleted the email, then (because it's my mom) I undeleted it an replied. She apologized and later when I talked to her I explained that not everyone loves their experience with pregnancy - and that's OKAY.

    It's okay, really Mrs GG. You're facing very difficult decisions with grace, but that doesn't mean you can then move on an feel nothing but joy about your pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your journey, I'm certain there are others out there in your situation that haven't found the courage to write about it.

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  34. You responded to my comment, but then deleted it :( I didn't think I said anything rude or disrespectful. I was the one who asked if you could live with each decision for a week. Did I offend you?

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    1. I remember that comment and remember replying. I don't remember deleting it - so not sure what happened. I do remember reading that somewhere else too and think it's great advice.

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  35. this is a great post. well-written and clear logic. maybe it helps that i totally agree with you, haha, but i really do think your logic is solid both in this post and in your overall decision going forward with your pregnancy.

    i'm about to do take 2 of ivf 1.0 and everything you've posted has helped me in my own decisions. thank you for your honestly and your willingness to tell your story.

    best wishes!!

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