My New Stressor

My job.

I have used this space to talk through all of the stress and anxiety of infertility, pre-term labor, and a long NICU stay and I have avoided talking about work for a variety of reasons.

But today my shoulder muscles are locked tight and I am extremely stressed at 8 am. I even warned my husband that I was already really tired and stressed (so expect a less nicer version of me today and please get home early if possible!).

I've been a high school teacher for about 10 years, but this year I took a new position as a Literacy Resource Teacher. I still get to teach two periods a day (I say "get" because that's the fun part), but now I am responsible for coordinating literacy for all teachers in my large 100+ teacher school. I know literacy. I think I'm pretty good at translating it to others even in non-English classrooms. But I'm also having to deal with politics and difficult people on a daily basis and I don't like it!

I hear information that I can't tell anyone (which is a skill I have been practicing; it does not come easily to me).

I create plans in collaboration with people only to have the same people disagree with the plan when we're finally supposed to get the work done.

I tip-toe around some extremely irrational people.

I gently try to move adult professionals in the direction that I want them to go without them noticing because they would prefer to do nothing at all.

They make toddlers seem easy!

And I think the biggest change for me is being responsible for so many disconnected things at the same time. In the past, my stress has come from planning my classes, trying to get grading done, etc. It's always been a ton of work and stress. But in the end, I was accountable to myself and the students. I was putting the pressure on myself. Now I have like 5 different jobs (including the first one) and people that I am accountable to outside of the classroom.

Ok and last. The system. The freaking educational system. I really want to affect change. If I didn't, I would just sit in my classroom and teach AP English which is a lot of work, but a lot of fun and extremely rewarding. But I have stupid ideals and I want to actually make a difference in the world, blah, blah, blah...but it's so freaking hard to make anyone do anything different. I could start my own school...and I might. But I really want to help the public school system where the majority of the kids are. Gosh no wonder I'm stressed, I'm trying to change the world, and people are assholes. : )

Let me just take it down a notch and focus on today. And Dylan.

Exhale.