Mission 2012...Operation Thicken Lining

Let's start with a brief picture of my day:

As I was walking out of the RE's office, I of course reached for my phone to tell Mr. GG the ultrasound results.  But no phone.  After going to my car and digging through my small purse until I was satisfied it was really not there, I walked back into the office and found it inside the Vogue magazine I was reading.

Then I drive to a new pharmacy that sells fertility drugs at good prices.  It's in a huge medical center and is not easy to find.  After walking in circles for a few minutes I finally find it on a map.  Then I realize I left my parking ticket that needs validation, in the car.  Ok...back to car.  Then I finally find the pharmacy, give my prescription, etc.  I wait for a long 10 minutes and finally get called back up.  I dig in my purse for my wallet.  Not there.  Palm to forehead, I took it out when I was looking for my phone.  So back to car (far away), back to office.  Finally get everything.

That's it...it just gives you a truer picture of how things are going for me today.
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And the reason I've been so lax about blogging during vacation: grading.  I've literally spent the last 3 days straight at my dining room table grading mounds of essays.  Some stupid AP teacher had her students write 7 different essays in 7 different modes on the same subject.  It takes me nearly 4 hours to read 20 (which times 7 is 140 mind you).  At least a couple of kids wrote about Harry Potter : ).

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Back to the real story.  Today was my CD11 ultrasound on my second round of 50mg of Clomid.  To recap; last month I had three follies ranging from 17 to 23 and a lining of 6.

I was really lucky that the actual doctor, not a nurse or NP was in today and performed the ultrasound.  He is such a nice man.  He reminded me why I put complete faith in him the first time we met.  It was really great timing too because I was feeling a bit neglected and rushed by the staff that performed my last 2 appointments.  Let's give the Dr a name, shall we?  How about Dr. Hummingbird?

So Dr. Hummingbird first measured my lining which was 5mm.  He didn't say much at this point and I mentioned to him that it was 6 last month.  Then he found a 13mm follie in my left ovary and a 19mm follie in my right.

**Sidenote**  My follies have always been kind of oval-shaped rather than a perfect circle.  I asked him about it and he said that the shape doesn't matter much and that the largest measurement is the important one.

I also mentioned to him that I didn't get an LH surge last month until CD14 in the afternoon, but that I had already ovulated by the next morning when we did the IUI.  He thought that was strange and said that maybe we just did everything right near the end last month.  At this point he had me sit up (Thanks Doc!) and then said he thought we should take more control of things this month.  Great! Please take lots of control!  He told me to get dressed and he'd meet me outside and explain the plan.

Plan:

• starting CD11 take 3 Estradiol 2mg pills vaginally  - not sure how many days...I need to email and check
• Take Ovidrel trigger shot CD12 at night - Should I take it at the stroke of midnight?  It IS New Year's Eve...
• IUI on the morning of CD14 - Right when I wanted!  I feel very relieved having a set time instead of worrying everyday about finding a surge.  Also, they are closed on the 1st which obviously would not work.  AND, I don't go back to school until the 3rd (Tuesday).  Ideal scenario IMO!

This may sound like a disappointing appointment, but I'm feeling pretty good.  Sure, I was hoping everything would just be magical and Clomid would immaculately knock me up, but nothing in this process has been ideal so I not too surprised.

The last few days I've been really frustrated feeling like I don't really know why it hasn't been working, etc.  But I do know why...my lining doesn't support a bebe.  We fixed the progesterone issue with Clomid (it was 19 last month), now we need to fix my lining.  IVF still won't work if my lining isn't thick enough.

So Mission 2012...Operation Thicken Lining is a go!

By the way, acupuncture went well.  I will write another post about it.  I will continue with it to keep trying to work on the lining - but it obviously didn't miraculously work in just 1 session 5 days ago...no surprise there.

Resolution #1: Eliminate Baby-Brain.

This is the first in a series of New Year's Resolutions posts.  I'm not a big resolution-maker since I will break anything I'm not really determined to do.  These resolutions are different because I've been thinking about them for months.  Therefore, I think they are needed changes that will happen.

#1 - Stop Thinking about Babies!

I can't stop trying.  And I won't stop the medical interventions I've started.  So the trick is...how to stop thinking about it all the time.  I'm not totally preoccupied or overwhelmed with babies, but I'm right around a tipping point and I need to figure out how to step back a bit during the process.  I think it's going to take a multi-pronged approach.

Step 1 - Acupuncture

I'm SO excited for my first acupuncture appointment tomorrow!  (Although I probably shouldn't have looked up picture of needles in people's faces right before going.) I've been thinking about starting it for about a year, but I'm not great at just doing things...I just never looked into it and never made an appointment.  But I knew there was an office across from my RE and I figured they probably know a thing or two about infertility.

But I never wrote down the name, and was too lazy to look up my RE's address, so I just Yelped "Acupuncture Fertility" and found the most amazing place.  Two women run two offices that entirely specialize in acupuncture for infertility and they deal mostly with clients in IUI or IVF.  They even do treatments during embryo transfer for IVF.  Their reviews are fantastic.  They have extensive education in Eastern Medicine.  And I can't wait to check it out!  It's tomorrow so expect that post soon.  And...it just happens to be the place next to my RE.  Funny.

Step 2 - Charting Changes

When I was on BC, I never took the placebo pills.  I felt like it was my little "break" from having to take a pill every day of my life.  So when I get my period, I usually stop charting for a few days.  Lately those few days have turned into a full week or more.  And during that time I really feel more relaxed and removed from the baby-making.  So...

Each month I won't start charting until CD11 and the most important part and the much harder to stick to...I'm going to stop charting after I've confirmed O.  So about 3-4 days after my temp rise.

I do think this will be a little hard but I also think it will be great.  We'll see how many days I decide to go before testing this month, but I very much think it'll be close to 14.

Step 3 - Yoga

This one is last because I've been talking about wanting to do yoga more regularly forever now and it still hasn't happened.  I'm pretty determined though so I'm optimistic I can follow through.

I don't think it'll happen if I just hop around different studios' Groupon deals, so I'm looking for one studio in a convenient location, where I can buy a long-term membership.  There's a tiny studio right by my house that I want to find some reviews for or I might just do a big chain like CorePower.

I hold all of my stress in my muscles, my shoulders especially and I know that yoga will help immensely.

And that's it.  Those are my 3 Stop Thinking about Babies Steps.

I realize I did not say that I will stay off of all baby-related message boards, but I've been cutting down and I will keep trying to continue.  That one's NOT a resolution.

What do you think?

The BRAT Diet

I don't know why the acronym needs to sound like a spoiled child because this "diet" is awesome.

It's Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast.

And these are the ONLY foods that sounded moderately appealing to me for the last day.

And NO, it has nothing to do with morning sickness.

On Tuesday, I got food poisoning for the first time in my life.  I have always prided myself on having a strong stomach. But OH MY GOD I nearly died.  I went out for food twice on Tuesday, both to places I have been before that serve hundreds of people.  I think lunch was the culprit though, because Mr. GG and I shared everything for dinner (and I was already not very hungry - totally not normal for me.  I need to eat like every 3 hours...drives Mr. GG crazy.)  Anyway I had the "Fall Salad" for lunch at a Thai place known for it's chicken.  It had beets, arugula, chicken, and some kind of sauce.  I'm thinking it was the chicken.

By the time I got home from dinner with DH, I had a headache.  That quickly progressed to feeling like I was gonna die and laying down on the coach.  Which within a half an hour progressed to expelling every ounce of liquid and food from my body.  I will spare most of the details, but I will say that I used one downstairs bathroom for things coming up and another for things going down.  At one point I had to use a trashcan because they both were happening at the same time!  Disgusting.  I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess it's happened to most people before.  I didn't know there was that much liquid anywhere in my body and I doubt I've put back even half of it...gotta keep drinking!

Yesterday was supposed to be cookie baking day with my sister and my mom.  I made it over to my mom's 2 hours late, but then slept on the couch while they baked all of the cookies while listening to inanely loud Christmas music.  Anyone remember Billy Gillman?  I wanted to kill that little kid.

Anyway...my sister mentioned the BRAT diet after I asked for some toast and then I remembered that I had actually been craving a banana. Applesauce, yes please!  But no rice.  One of the bacterias I looked up was from boiled rice which I had with dinner.  No thanks.

So yesterday I ate most of a slice of toast, 3/4 of a banana over about 5 hours and then a little bit of broth and a couple bites of applesauce for dinner.

And I lost 5 pounds! (Humor.)

Today I feel much better, but I'm starting slow...

Posting may be light over the Holidays...depends on how I feel.  But I'm saving up some really good posts for after the first.  So if you are taking a blogging holiday yourself, don't forget to come back!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, or insert your own.

Finally, a verdict...

Sorry ladies, not pregnant this month.  What's new?

How am I doing?  Not bad.  I did treat myself to a BFN treat.  Even though it's super cold outside, I had my favorite ice cream shake for lunch.  Maggie Moos Sweat Cream ice cream with strawberries and fudge.

I think I would have done everything the same way this month.  I took 4 tests; from 10-13dpo and all were negative.  This definitely kept me from getting my hopes up which was good.  I spotted just a tiny bit on 13dpo and then my temp dropped to my "period temp" of 97.2 this morning, 14dpo.  AF hasn't totally started, but it's close.  Each morning I decided whether or not to test based on my temp.

Because I now have a normal LP thanks to Clomid, I might wait a few days longer to test next month.  But I know that if I hadn't tested at all, I would definitely have convinced myself that I was in fact pregnant.

The hardest thing for me when AF starts is delayed-phantom-symptom-spotting-syndrome.  (I made that up.)  When I feel twinges, or smell things, or have a headache, or do something stupid, I can no longer blame it on maybe being pregnant.  It's hard to notice these things for 2 weeks and then turn it off immediately.

I did email the RE's office on Friday because I had no idea what happened next if I got AF.  Here's the deal.  Because of how I responded, I will be on the same 50mg dose of Clomid.  This makes me feel pretty good.  It makes me think everything worked as it should have, we just connected the wrong sperm and egg...so next month we'll connect the right two.  So I refilled my prescription at Target today and will start on Day 3.

My insurance doesn't switch until Jan 1 so that makes the decision to stay with the private RE easy.  So another $505 for this Clomid cycle.

Then, while I was driving around Christmas shopping today, I remembered my bright side for this month.  (Every month I try to come up with a reason that it was good not to get knocked up, quite yet.)  This month's bright side is work related.

As a teacher, I go back to school in late August.  During the first three days back (before kids come) there is a ton of professional development time lead by me.  Last cycle's due date was August 29th meaning I basically could not be department chair next year.  A late September due-date will be A-ok : ).

Mr. GG and I did decide that if we weren't pregnant by January that we'd try some new things.

2012 Fertility Resolutions Coming Soon!

Verdict Still Out

So my temp rose a lot, which it NEVER does on day 10, which gives me a lot of hope.

But the test was a BFN.

I feel ok about it all because I think the temp is really important so...verdict is out for now.

Oh, and I may have taken the test with me in the car on the way to work so I could keep staring at it.  But I realized I couldn't throw it away in my classroom or my students would see it and I didn't want to just leave it out in the car, so I put it in the center console.  Yep.

Here's my chart:



The Post before THE POST

So I realize that this is my 3rd cycle since blogging, but THE (results) POST is feeling a little more daunting today. 

It's like I don't want to disappoint everyone when it doesn't work out : (.  Nor do I want to disappoint myself.  But I can feel myself slowly starting to imagine the white space where the second line is supposed to show up.  Oh, the minutes I've lost straining to see an imaginary pink line...

I vacillate constantly between believing I'm definitely pregnant and doubting everything and figuring this will turn out like every other month in the last year and a half.

And I'm worried about how everyone will respond.

If it's a BFP...

I'm going to be happy, yet extremely, extremely cautious about getting excited.  The road is not smooth nor guaranteed.  BUT...I will be slightly more confident because of the Clomid.  I hope it's made my uterus a happier place.  Therefore, big emotional congratulations will kind of fall on deaf ears. 

If it's a BFN...

I'm the kind of person that likes to turn off the TV right after my team loses (and kind of pretend it never happened.)  I will try to move on immediately and deal with the wanting to quit, it'll never happen thoughts later.  And I will tell you I'm fine, that it's not big deal and it won't be right at that moment.

And I do want to share it with you all!  But I'm worried!!

I will check my temp before I decide whether or not to test.  If it's up, I'll do it.   But a part of me wants to wait until Saturday so my chances of a false negative are smaller.  It showed up at 10 last time, so it should this time too, right?

Thanks and Please Vote!

I want to take time out from the TTC blogging for a second to thank all of you who come and visit me everyday!  As my readership has grown, I've really been inspired to come up with new and better ideas and make this blog really worth reading.  It's been an amazing distraction to blog instead of spending hours looking for comforting tid-bits about "early pregnancy" on Google!

I submitted my blog to be included on the Stirrup Queens blogroll and while rummaging around the site, came across the Creme de la Creme Blog Awards. 

I want to submit an entry, but after reading through a bunch of posts last night, I just couldn't decide.  I will also be totally honest and tell you that I found a type in each and every one!  Bad English teacher!

So if you would be so kind as to vote for your favorite entry (poll on the right), I would greatly appreciate it!

Lots of love!!!

Mrs. Green Grass

Don't worry, will update on this month's progress soon.  No news is good news, right?

C Cups and a Trip to Peru: Symptoms

So I don't pregnancy symptom spot anymore because after googling every twinge, headache, and emotion, I realized that everything that people who may be pregnant feel, people who are not pregnant also feel.  And tons of people who are pregnant have no real symptoms.

Today I'm 7dpo and I'm feeling:

That is, hopeful and excited and trying not to get my hopes up too much all together.
This month I am feeling a few physical things that I've never felt before.  But remember, I took Clomid this month, so I attribute most of the symptoms to that.  Either way, I'm thankful to have some of these symptoms that other people seem to have and that hormone-devoid me has almost never had.

#1 - Sore nipples - I almost never have boob pain and I'm pretty sure my nipples have never been this uncomfortable.  Of course I got hit in the nipple with a soccer ball at my game on Friday night and it felt like I was being stabbed by a knife. (No exaggeration.)  This started on 3dpo but lessened at 6 and 7.

#2 - Full breasts - I think it's relevant to say that I'm a B/C cup.  I think I'm wearing all Cs now, but after being a B forever, I haven't quite adopted the C mentality : ).  Either way, my boobs are not huge...I always figured maybe this is why I never had any pain here.  And I thought it was weird when people described breasts as feeling full or heavy.  But now I get it!  I totally have full breasts right now, since yesterday (5 and 6dpo).

#3 - Vivid dreams - I occasionally have dreams that I can remember.  But Sunday morning was ridiculous!  First, I was in the classroom discussing a project with my students.  Next thing you know, I'm in Peru as a student like I'm in one of their groups for the project.  The dream covered multiple locations in Peru (where I have never been).  I also remember driving on a bus on a mountainside and being completely freaked out that we would fall over the side of the mountain because the driver was going so fast (also in Peru).  I can still picture exactly what it looked like and feel exactly how I felt on the bus (12 hours later).  Totally strange!

#4 - Hot face? - I felt flushed on and off on Sunday, but do not feel even slightly sick.  My temp was very elevated this morning (for me), 98.2.  I'm sure it could be fever, but I don't really think so.

So the verdict is that I am definitely experiencing more hormonal symptoms than ever before.  Thank you Clomid!

Today's temp is still high, but I'm totally doubting whether or not any of this points to pregnancy.  I think that's in the nature of protecting my fragile feelings.  Will test on Thursday I think....

Making Babies: Diagnosis, Tired

I love questionnaires.  I don't know why.  Maybe because I often get bored of the sites I usually peruse on the internet.  Maybe because I like taking tests and finding out results.  Whatever the reason, I was excited to take the Making Babies Fertility Typer questionnairre after it was recommended by JHoller and Running Elley over at Weddingbee.

Before I get to the results, let me give a tiny bit of background on Making Babies. Full Disclaimer: I have not read this book; I've just read reviews.  If anyone would like to guest blog about it, send me a message! 

The super basic summary is that this book approaches infertility through a collaboration between an infertility doctor, Dr. Sami S. David, and an Acupuncturist/Herbalist, Jill Blakeway.  That's all I will say since I don't know much more!

I am totally curious about Eastern Medicine, acupuncture, and herbal supplements.  But I am also extremely hesistant about taking pills and trying herbs as well as a bit too lazy to actually schedule an acupuncture appointment.  Maybe trying these things should be part of my New Year's Resolution if the IUI doesn't work.

Back to the Fertility Typer.  I was a bit surprised at the length of the questionnairre!  It's extremely detailed.  I definitely saw some questions that fit me to a T, like "Frequently has tense muscles."  But other questions were hard for me to answer because I can go both ways.  I also thought it was kind of stupid to answer questions like whether I prefer hot or cold beverages.  I love tea, but it's cold outside right now.  I probably would answer cold beverages in the summer time.

My result was "tired" which gave a me a good laugh.  I'm a sleeper.  If I could get 10 hours of sleep I night, I would and I'm often tired.

Here are the recommendations for my type:

SYMPTOMS:Often feels weak or lethargicProne to getting sickGets out of breath and sweats easily, gains weightPoor appetiteProne to bloating, gas, and loose stoolsLow sex driveShort luteal phaseFeels cold: hands, feet

Comments: I've got 5 out of 7.

WESTERN MEDICINE:HypothyroidLow progesteroneLuteal phase defectMetabolic disorders

Comments: I've got 2 out of 4.

TCM PERSPECTIVE:This type is called kidney “yang” deficiency in TCM, and reflects a broader hormonal imbalance going beyond reproductive hormones and encompassing the thyroid, adrenals, and pituitary gland. Weakness in these systems affects metabolism, circulation, and thus reproduction.

Hmm...Not really sure about this one.

ADVICEMore animal ProteinAvoid raw and cold foodsAlcohol in moderationConsume warming soups and stews, and spices: cinnamon,ginger, cayenne, turmeric, cardamom, cloves, cuminRegular moderate exercise

Comments: I love soup.  Cumin, cinnamon, giner, yum!  I probably do need more protein.  Thank goodness it doesn't say no alcohol.  But I will not give up my ice cream or veggies!

SUPPLEMENTS:Royal jellyWheat grassChromium (boosts metabolism by enhancing the action of insulin)L-arginineChasteberry (helps sustain post-ovulatory progesterone)

Comments: Yeah, don't really see myself taking these.  Royal jelly sounds gross!  Maybe chasteberry?  More research needed here.

Overall, I think this is interesting.  I'm not sure whether or not I feel the need to read the book, but I do like having something additional to think about. 

I know a lot of you take stuff.  What herbs do you swear by?

Money Talk: IUI Cost

I was inspired to write this post after reading an old post at A Miracle in the Works.  When I was considering whether or not to go to an RE (on my own dime) I really wanted to do proper research and figure out how much everything would cost.  It seems that most of the published information is regarding IVF, but I just wanted to know how much and IUI would cost.  It was really frustrating and I didn't get very good information.  Also, it looks like the price varies quite a bit from clinic to clinic, but here's my story. 

(I think I got a pretty good deal!)

FYI: I go to a private clinic in Southern California.

My initial consultation was $275 and we met with one of the primary doctors for about 45 minutes.

We decided to move to a Clomid cycle next and I had to buy some pills, all purchased at my favorite place, Target.

Clomid +
200 Folic Acid 1 mg pills +
3 50 pill bottles of Low-Dose Aspirin (Target brand), $23

I did not have to do any additional blood work and my initial Day 3 blood work was covered by insurance.  Shocker!

Mr. GG had to get tested for STDs.  These 5 blood tests are required by law before an IUI.  I'm not sure yet whether or not it was covered.  Will come back and edit if it was not.

I also needed OPKs to check for my surge.  I got a Clearblue Easy Digital 7 pack on sale at (you guessed it!), Target, for $18.

My clinic has a package deal for a Clomid IUI cycle of $505 which includes:

• 1 ultrasound (on CD11) 

• 1 office visit (I guess this is the IUI visit?)

• 1 interuterine insemination (top of uterus)

• 1 intracervical insemination (one additional syringe of the sample into the cervical fluid).

It also included the sperm wash for the sample.

If I would have needed a trigger shot, that would have been $90, an additional office visit with ultrasound would have been $275, and an additional IUI a day later was $205.

So our grand total for Clomid IUI cycle #1 is less than $1000; $546 without the inital consulation, $821 with.  I was really surprised!

I really hope that if you need to do an IUI that you can find reasonable services, but I know that other places charge closer to $2-$3,000.

We could have waited until January to have this covered by new insurance, but after we spent the initial $275 to check out this office, we decided to stick with them because I felt so comfortable and well-taken care of there.

Hope this helps some of you!

Turkey-Basted!

(That's what Mr. GG calls Interuterine Insemination (IUI).)

I'm 1dpo today!  IUI #1 (and hopefully the last) is done!  I got my OPK smiley face yesterday afternoon.  DH took his "sample" in at 8am and I went in at 11am for my portion.  Romantic, huh?

I think this two week wait is going to be extremely difficult.  It's a lot of extra pressure to have gone to this much effort to make this month work.  Hopefully the Holidays will distract me from going insane.

For me, the IUI was worse than the HSG.  For both, a catheter is inserted through the cervix.  The nurse today said that my cervix curved or something so she had a very hard time inserting the catheter.  Eventually (after some wincing on my part) the catheter went in.  The rest of the procedure took just minutes.

 

She inserted the majority of the sperm at the top of my uterus near the fallopian tubes and the rest in my cervix to hang out in the cervical mucus. 

Mr. GG's count and motility were really good...I congratulated him : )

I laid on the table with my knees up for about 10 minutes and stared at this.  Better than ceiling tiles I guess.

 

I have to take 3 doxycyclene pills tonight and tomorrow to prevent the small chance of infection and then I have to get my blood tested in 7-10 days to check my progesterone and see whether I ovulated.

Sidenote: my cervical mucus was great this month, definitely stretchy and clear although maybe slightly stickier (rather than slippery) so I definitely am in the majority who respond well to Clomid.

You probably know that I was worrying about timing after my last post, so we had sex on Sunday night which should up our chances.  Also, my temp already spiked today, so I must have ovulated yesterday.  I think it's ok that the IUI was the day after though...
I sincerely thank all of you for your support!!  To respect Mr. GG's privacy, I am only telling my sister and I didn't get a chance to mention it to her yesterday.  So lots of love to my internet family : )

Let's hope for the spotting devil to stay away and for me to make it past 13 days...

Stirrups.

Can I just shout to the entire gynecological world of doctors and nurses that telling me anything important while my legs are up in stirrups and I'm wearing paper around my waist is the most ridiculous thing in the world? 

DO YOU HEAR ME DOCTORS AND NURSES?

So I had my RE appointment for my first Clomid cycle yesterday. First, the nurse measured my lining, but I couldn't see the screen at the time.  I was most concerned about this since my lining was already thin before Clomid.  Afterward, when I asked about it, she said that my lining is a 6.  8 is preferred, but she didn't seem overly concerned.  I hope it's ok!

Next, she checked out my left ovary and found two follicles; one measuring 24 which is pretty big and one measuring something else, 17?  (Like I said, told to me while in stirrups.)  She found one more in my right ovary which was around the same size as the smaller one on the left side.

So three follies!  I don't want three babies, but I definitely like my chances of ovulating on both sides.

I am using OPKs starting this morning, continuing every morning and afternoon, and as soon as I get a positive, I call and schedule an IUI for the next day.

I like to give detailed info so you should also know that the ideal sperm for IUI should be between 2 and 5 days old.  Mr. GG and I basically quit having sex after O last month, so his stuff is a bit older than that right now...could be a good 3 weeks old... : /.  We're tired, people!  I honestly don't understand when I see charts where the couples have sex just about every day for the entire month!  Anyway, we took care of that last night to keep everything right on track. 

Today is CD12.  On Clomid you are supposed to ovulate around 7 days after the last pill which will be right around CD14.

Update on my guilt neurosis:
I was totally freaked out that I did things wrong this cycle because I was supposed to start using OPKs on Day 11.  For some reason, I didn't go back and read the pamphlet on Clomid cycles that the doctor gave me.  I imagined that I somehow missed it.  Hello Mrs. GG, Do you really think you're going to ovulate on Day 11 when it's never been earlier than 18?

Also, for weekend IUIs you have to call the morning before prior to 10 am so that they can schedule staff for the next day.  I didn't bother to get out of bed until 10:10 today, then freaked out, so I was praying that I didn't get a smiley face on today's OPK.  I'm hoping this afternoon is negative too.  How am supposed to schedule a Sunday IUI if I get a positive in the afternoon on Saturday and you're supposed to call by 10am?  Won't Monday be too late?  Arg!

It's kind of weird that Mr. GG and I will not be having sex on our own this cycle.

This is stressful, but exciting.  Will keep you updated...