So I realize that this is my 3rd cycle since blogging, but THE (results) POST is feeling a little more daunting today.
It's like I don't want to disappoint everyone when it doesn't work out : (. Nor do I want to disappoint myself. But I can feel myself slowly starting to imagine the white space where the second line is supposed to show up. Oh, the minutes I've lost straining to see an imaginary pink line...
I vacillate constantly between believing I'm definitely pregnant and doubting everything and figuring this will turn out like every other month in the last year and a half.
And I'm worried about how everyone will respond.
If it's a BFP...
I'm going to be happy, yet extremely, extremely cautious about getting excited. The road is not smooth nor guaranteed. BUT...I will be slightly more confident because of the Clomid. I hope it's made my uterus a happier place. Therefore, big emotional congratulations will kind of fall on deaf ears.
If it's a BFN...
I'm the kind of person that likes to turn off the TV right after my team loses (and kind of pretend it never happened.) I will try to move on immediately and deal with the wanting to quit, it'll never happen thoughts later. And I will tell you I'm fine, that it's not big deal and it won't be right at that moment.
And I do want to share it with you all! But I'm worried!!
I will check my temp before I decide whether or not to test. If it's up, I'll do it. But a part of me wants to wait until Saturday so my chances of a false negative are smaller. It showed up at 10 last time, so it should this time too, right?