Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Post before THE POST

So I realize that this is my 3rd cycle since blogging, but THE (results) POST is feeling a little more daunting today. 

It's like I don't want to disappoint everyone when it doesn't work out : (.  Nor do I want to disappoint myself.  But I can feel myself slowly starting to imagine the white space where the second line is supposed to show up.  Oh, the minutes I've lost straining to see an imaginary pink line...

I vacillate constantly between believing I'm definitely pregnant and doubting everything and figuring this will turn out like every other month in the last year and a half.

And I'm worried about how everyone will respond.

If it's a BFP...

I'm going to be happy, yet extremely, extremely cautious about getting excited.  The road is not smooth nor guaranteed.  BUT...I will be slightly more confident because of the Clomid.  I hope it's made my uterus a happier place.  Therefore, big emotional congratulations will kind of fall on deaf ears. 

If it's a BFN...

I'm the kind of person that likes to turn off the TV right after my team loses (and kind of pretend it never happened.)  I will try to move on immediately and deal with the wanting to quit, it'll never happen thoughts later.  And I will tell you I'm fine, that it's not big deal and it won't be right at that moment.

And I do want to share it with you all!  But I'm worried!!

I will check my temp before I decide whether or not to test.  If it's up, I'll do it.   But a part of me wants to wait until Saturday so my chances of a false negative are smaller.  It showed up at 10 last time, so it should this time too, right?


  1. I know what you're feeling, which is why I had to stop telling my friends when I could test or when AF was coming. It got to be too hard all around, however, you can look at it like, "If it is a BFN (which I'm praying it's not!), then you have that many more people to encourage you." Even though I know in those first few days you don't want to hear that. Whatever you decide and whether it's a BNP or BFN, you know you have a huge community of women that are cheering for you!

  2. I know exactly how you feel, but I'm the person that tests early. HOWEVER, BFPs show up at different times. My first BFP (prior to MC) showed up at 12 DPO, with a stark white negative at 10 DPO and 11 DPO. My second BFP, this pregnancy, showed up at 9 DPO (very faint).

    So good luck. But if tomorrow is negative, don't give up on Friday! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

  3. I can understand that. You've been through so much already - either answer is going to be huge. Sending you big hugs.

  4. Thinking good thoughts for you! Those last few days really are the hardest part...

  5. Thanks everyone!

    @Tracey - Your response is really helpful, thanks! I hope that's how it will be for me...