Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Lots of Tears, a Latte, and a Blueberry Scone.

Those of you who know me from the Weddingbee Boards know that I am pretty rational and level-headed most of the time.  I've read other people's posts about breaking down in the doctor's office with a mix of pity and embarrassment.  Well, today was my day....

Yesterday, after writing a draft of my doctor rant and after calling the "scheduling line" once on Monday and two times on Tuesday and after not getting a call back, I decided to go to the office and talk to them in person.

This is bold for me; very bold.  I don't like to seem pushy because I don't want people to think I'm rude.  I don't like to get in trouble.  I feel like people are yelling at me when they are just talking about something serious.

So I show up, I'm super polite.  I explain the situation (for the 2nd time that day).  Seriously do those of you with infertility issues type up a card to have every new person read?  "We've been TTC for 14 months, charting for 7, I spot every month before AF, chemical pg last month, have done Day 3 labs, SA, HSG..." 

What I really want is a blood test to check my progesterone levels since I suspect they are low because I spot every month.  I think the old doctor might have ordered it if I had gone back, but you've read that story already.

The receptionist comes back and says that I can come in for an appointment tomorrow at 8.  I say thank you and find teachers to fill in for 2 periods of classes, then spend the rest of the night creating lessons that my students can do with out me.  Missing class is much more stressful than being there!

Almost to the point, stay with me...

So I get in there this morning and the nurse offers me a pregnancy test.  I'm 8dpo, this is totally against my rules, but I say ok, probably my first mistake.  Then the Nurse Practitioner comes in.  She's really nice and listens to my story, but basically all she has to say is that she can't do anyting and that I need to meet with an actual doctor. Um. Yes, I kinda figured.  But can't I at least have the blood test? (internal monologue)

Cue tears.  I was able to manage "I think I'm going to cry" and then just started bawling.  She felt so bad!  Of course I had to talk to 3 additional people through tears before I was finally out the door.  I got an appointment with the actual doctor (3 weeks from now, the doctor I wanted doesn't have anything until next year!), then they returned my copay since I should have never seen the NP in the first place.  Oh yeah, and then I had to pay the parking guy on the way out. 

I cried all the way back toward school to the Starbuck's parking lot.  I still couldn't decide whether I could handle teaching the rest of my classes today.  But after a long call with DH, I was able to finally calm down, treat my self to a decaf non-fat latte with one splenda and my ultimate indulgence, the 460 calorie blueberry scone and head back to school.

Want to know my sneaking deep-down suspicion about what caused the massive flow of emotion?  I was supposed to have my 8 week pregnancy check-up at the same office, with the same Nurse Practicitioner today. F.M.L.

Oh! And can't they treat those of us pariahs who can't have babies in a separate building so that we don't have to see pregnant moms and moms with babies at every angle while leaving the office crying? That would be nice, thanks.


  1. Ugh what a mess!! I don't see why they couldn't have just ordered a progesterone test without you seeing the're at the perfect point in your cycle for one! Boo. And I agree about the separate waiting room thing. Going to the OB is torture…I always feel horrible but seeing the happy big pregnant ladies with their husbands exciting to hear how their baby is progressing makes me feel just so depressed.That Starbucks was totally deserved. Hugs!!

  2. That stinks - I'm sorry it was such a rough morning. But don't feel bad about the crying, we all deserve and need it sometimes. And the starbucks too ;) My friends RE office has a strict, no bump rule. Once you get to 12 weeks you go to a different office, just out of respect to the women there that are still trying. I think it's super thoughtful.

  3. @Elley - Thank you!

    @ehomaha - That is such a nice policy! I'll be making an actual RE appt. soon.

  4. I'm so sorry you had a breakdown - but sometimes you NEED to get that stress/anger/disappointment OUT of your system. I wish that people could be more competent and not cause the extra worries for TTC women. It's hard enough getting through the appointments at all.

  5. @Breathe Gently - I know it's good to let it out. Mr.GG kept saying "Don't be upset." I was like "I am upset. And I'm going to continue to be!" He was just trying to help, but I know that feeling the emotion is important too. It's just hard because I won't truly feel better until I have a real baby!