(Gear up for it...this is gonna be a long one!)
I got my first ever BFP on a Saturday morning during cycle 13. On Tuesday morning my temp dropped. I googled "low temps but pregnant" and spent at least an hour trying to come up with some excuse to say that the temp was normal. Eventually I found a post saying that when she went to bed with her hair wet her temp was lower. I thought, "That's it! I went to bed with my hair wet last night!" Crisis mildly averted, but I wasn't confident.
My temp was still low on Wednesday morning although not as low. I was worried, but went about my day. The craziest day ever.
Backtrack (I said this post was a long one!)
I was elected Department Chair this year, something I have always wanted to do. Leading teachers is much scarier than teaching students and so far I have spent more time planning our professional development time than we have actual spent in our meetings. Maybe a bit overkill, but that's who I am ladies.
Wednesday was a half-day at school, with department meetings after and then Open House in the evening. Get to school before 7 am, leave after 8 pm. Yuck.
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I rushed to the bathroom after the bell at 11:50 so I could get back to planning the department meeting and quickly eat my lunch.
My heart dropped. I started my period. Bright red. No questions, excuses or google searches needed.
I HATE crying in front of other people. I don't like for other people to feel bad for me. My sister couldn't talk at that moment and my mom was out of town, so I had to turn to teacher-friends.
Friend #1 is pregnant. She listened to my story, then launched into a laundry list of all of her medical issues while pregnant. I was pissed and not comforted.
Friend #2 is further away from my room. I tried to hold back tears while passing other teachers and the moment I stepped in her room I totally burst into tears. She helped me to calm down and try to erase the traces of my crisis from my eyes and neck and face. (I'm one of those people who turn hyper-color when really upset.) Mind you, department meeting which I haven't finished planning starts in about 15 minutes by this time.
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I got through the meeting in survival mode since I hadn't eat lunch and didn't get to finish planning. I wasn't even slightly prepared for open house which started 2 1/2 hours later.
But before preparing for Open House, I had a BIG FAT Margarita with my girls at El Torito. It was awesome.
Open House went really well. It probably was a good distraction.
And then, 14 hours after my day started, I was home and cuddled up next to Mr. GG on the couch.
Have any of you gone through a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy? How did you deal?
You poor love - as a teacher, I can't imagine that happening at school where you have to put on a brave face. *sending huge hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this happened to you. Reading the "back story" here, I felt like I was going through your day with you that day, and I can't imagine how much it just SUCKED and hurt. I find it interesting that you had posted that you initially just *knew* that month 13 was different. You felt different symptoms than you did any other month, and then that even when you justified the temp drop with going to bed with wet hair, you just *knew* something wasn't right. You're very intuitive:) Great mom skills already there, MGG!
ReplyDeleteI just re-read this. Hugs. I'm sorry. So much.
ReplyDelete@Breathe Gently - I'm sure you know how hard it is to teach when your mind is elsewhere! I bumbled through a mini-excuse with the teachers in my department.
ReplyDelete@JHoller - Thanks. It did suck, but it really was ok a couple of days later...hopefully my intuition acts up again soon!
I just had a chemical pregnancy end on September 23rd. Wow. I couldn't believe how upset and hurt and disappointed I felt. I know how you feel. :( I was 4weeks and 5 days along. I saw the red blood and just lost it. I had to wait 3 days before my doctor could see me and in the meantime, my husband thought I was just making up the miscarriage thing and didn't believe me. It totally sucked. He feels like a jerk now. My chart has been all over the place since then. I have no idea what to make of it. I'm hoping to conceive this cycle, but I may have missed O. :( Hard to tell. Thanks for sharing. The disappointment will pass (it has started to pass for me... mostly) and before you know it we will both have little babies to cuddle. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I have been dealing by staying super busy doing things for my friends and family and focusing on giving to others as much as I can. Plus limiting the amount of time I can spend googleing anything and everything I think of related to TTC, chemical pregnancies, charting, and any possible reason why it ended. Turning off the brain is so hard some times. :P
ReplyDelete@The Smith Family - I'm sorry you had to go through this too! And I agree that Google can be the devil! Thank you for sharing ; )
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