What if I'm not supposed to have kids? I'm not religious, but I do kinda of believe that what will be will happen and that often it is what "should" happen.
Like how Mr. GG and I are 11 years apart. And he's divorced. We weren't really supposed to meet (although I was actually in attendance at his college graduation - I was 11). But we did and he's my match. Thank goodness because he has been so wonderful during this whole ordeal!
So I seriously wonder what I should do, where I should go in this process. I know that I will probably just keep chugging along until I really can't and will do IVF and maybe adopt, but I don't know how much energy I have to keep fighting against reality. It's sad, but true.
What if I'm supposed to be the cool aunt? Or I'm supposed to be the "mom" to some of my most down and out students. Maybe Mr. GG and I would actually be better off without kids even though that is different than how I pictured my life.
I hope I won't get to the place where I have to make the choice to stop because it would be a gut-wrenching choice to make. (And I'm a horrible decision maker and second-guess everything.) But I see it off in the future. Off towards the end of this year.
When I hit the year mark last August, I said I wouldn't completely freak out and lose it until the next August. Well, I'm sure I have an IVF or 2 between here and there, but it's on the horizon.
Look out world.
Oh, and if the tone didn't already inform you, I'm not pregnant. On to month 20.