I always wonder about my slightly older female married co-workers who are childless. I wonder they are childless by choice. But I'll probably never know because I can't ask because I don't want to bring up that is potentially painful.
This morning an older teacher came in to my room to get something and asked me why I wasn't at happy hour last night. I said that I had an acupuncture appointment. She asked what for and I briefly thought about whether to tell her or not, but then told her the truth, for fertility.
Then she came over and told me her story. She tried for 4 years, took fertility meds, then had a miscarriage at 8 weeks after she was finally able to get pregnant. Her marriage ended a year later (for many reasons). Then I actually told her about my chemical pregnancy and how it happened on the day of department meetings and open house and how terrible that day was. She mentioned something able always counting dates and anniversaries. (Luckily I don't do that. I promptly forgot when my EDD was and will not look it up.)
When she got remarried (after having fibroids removed) she got pregnant after 6 weeks! She had her sons at 33 and 35 years old.
She kept saying "it'll happen for you" and I kept saying "I know" but I unexpectedly kinda teared up. I feel uncomfortable being vulnerable in front of others and receiving their sympathy. I just want to say it's ok and move on. I don't know why it's so hard. I want the support of others, but I don't want them to feel bad for me.