I'm starting to consider what life would be like without a baby. I mean ever.
You see I don't like to be told what to do. And if none of this works, I won't be able to handle that last day, whenever it might be, knowing that I don't have a choice whether or not to have a child.
But really, it's always a choice. I'm pretty positive that I'm not going to be a 5 IVF kinda of girl. I think before (if) we start, we'll decide before-hand how far we are willing to go. And then have the option to always add 1 more.
I just want to be in control of this even though I'm not.
The number one thing that I'd want to do if I decide to stop trying to have a child is to go to Graduate school at Harvard and get my PhD in Education and then do something fabulous in the education world (beyond the classroom). I didn't apply to Harvard out of high school and probably would not have gotten in, but I've always slightly wondered. And I'm pretty positive I could get in now.
I still probably wouldn't do it because my marriage (and husband's company) exists on the opposite side of the country from Boston, but we'll see.
Next, I would travel ALL THE TIME. I told Mr. GG that we would have to go to Europe every single year for a month. Sure, I'm exaggerating and I had to fight hard to get Mr. GG to take a week and 2 days off for our wedding and honeymoon, but still. That's what I would want.
And I told my sister this today. That my future niece (she finds out the gender next Thursday) will hang out with me all the time and be my BFF. I will morph into the BEST AUNT EVER (or the creeper aunt...hmm).
Anyway...please don't take this post as giving up all hope, but instead as planning for my future, whatever it may be.