Thursday, January 19, 2012

What if nothing works?

I'm starting to consider what life would be like without a baby.  I mean ever.

You see I don't like to be told what to do.  And if none of this works, I won't be able to handle that last day, whenever it might be, knowing that I don't have a choice whether or not to have a child.

But really, it's always a choice.  I'm pretty positive that I'm not going to be a 5 IVF kinda of girl.  I think before (if) we start, we'll decide before-hand how far we are willing to go.  And then have the option to always add 1 more. 

I just want to be in control of this even though I'm not.

The number one thing that I'd want to do if I decide to stop trying to have a child is to go to Graduate school at Harvard and get my PhD in Education and then do something fabulous in the education world (beyond the classroom).  I didn't apply to Harvard out of high school and probably would not have gotten in, but I've always slightly wondered.  And I'm pretty positive I could get in now. 

I still probably wouldn't do it because my marriage (and husband's company) exists on the opposite side of the country from Boston, but we'll see. 

Next, I would travel ALL THE TIME.  I told Mr. GG that we would have to go to Europe every single year for a month.  Sure, I'm exaggerating and I had to fight hard to get Mr. GG to take a week and 2 days off for our wedding and honeymoon, but still.  That's what I would want.

And I told my sister this today.  That my future niece (she finds out the gender next Thursday) will hang out with me all the time and be my BFF.  I will morph into the BEST AUNT EVER (or the creeper aunt...hmm).

Anyway...please don't take this post as giving up all hope, but instead as planning for my future, whatever it may be.


  1. I think those who deal with infertility HAVE to think about this. I had this conversation with my husband a few months ago - if no baby, then what? For us, the plan will be to have a lake house by the time we're 40. :)

  2. We all think this way sometimes. Even now our future baby is still an "if" not a when. Our plan is not childless but adoption, so one day in the future we WILL have children we just don't know if they will be biologically ours...and it's scary to have a future so unknown.

  3. I don't think it's giving up to consider realistically that you may not have kids. I've had to come to the same point. It's a hard and discouraging process, and there are no guarantees. I've found a lot of freedom in being able to say: there is a very real chance that we will not ever be able to conceive. If we do, what a miracle and a blessing that will be! I will not stop trying and hoping for that miracle, but I have also started envisioning our life without children. I don't want that to be a life filled with bitter disappointment that I never really start living because I am indefinitely waiting.

    Blessings to you on your journey!

  4. Yeah, I've definitely had similar thoughts. However, I think that if things don't work out biologically speaking I would likely go down the adoption route. However, Europe and Harvard sound pretty interesting! My husband is South African/Italian so I think we would plan to hit up both. Until this all pans out we're thinking about visiting the US this summer - Vegas, San Fran, and New York! However, open to suggestions from my American friends!

  5. I have been in a pretty similar place lately. At this point, if biology fails, we will probably adopt, but I have, briefly, flirted with the idea of what I would do with my life if we decided to live child free. And I agree with all the previous commenters who said that planning for all possible futures isn't the same as giving up. Sometimes I think it's an essential coping technique. At least, that's what it is for me. Every time we have a setback, I do more adoption research. It helps me to know more about what my options are.

  6. Oh! And I wanted to add that I think your idea of doing something fabulous in the field of education and traveling lots is a great one. I could get on board with that kind of child free life. :-)

  7. Thanks for all of the support ladies! I want to add that we are definitely also considering adoption. I'll post about that sometime soon.

  8. I'm glad that you aren't giving up hope but making plans for your future (without kids)! I did it too. It definitely helps soothe the soul temporarily.

    I have faith though that this will happen for you :)

  9. A Harvard PhD and Europe for a month every year? Sign me up!

    I have similar daydreams when I think about living child-free. Whatever happens, our lives will still be awesome.

  10. We think so much alike! I juuuust changed my major from Psychology to Early Childhood Education at school with your same thoughts in my mind. As in, I did this yesterday. I am coming on 4th cycle TTC, and tend to get ahead of myself [enter "what if we never have children?" thoughts]. Anyway, I like your plan! Even if you don't move all the way to good ol' Boston (my hometown!!). Also, I love being Auntie!! I get to take my 9 yr old nephew to fun water parks, amusement parks, the beach, the movies, museums, etc. I have been there for him since day 1 at the hospital. We have a special fun bond. :)