Thursday, April 19, 2012

Crying in front of the TV and IF in the real world.

I think I've been pretty lucky on the side-effect roller coaster.  My #1 side-effect is a hangover-like feeling: tired and headachy.  I've had a few hangovers in my day, so I can handle this.  I've had some hot flashes.  It's weird when you go from comfortable to blazing in a matter of seconds.  (A teacher at my school said body can temp can increase a full 6 degrees during a hot flash!)  And I'm a little weepy.  That's the only emotional effect. Not sad, just easily set to tears.

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On Monday night I watched Giuliana and Bill and The Little Couple back to back.  Oh my god was I bawling! Ok, not really bawling, but lots of streaming tears (without any of the choking or audible crying).

On Giuliana and Bill they were preparing for Giuliana's double mastectomy.  Their RE told them that she shouldn't get pregnant for at least 5 years because of the risk of stimulating cancer growth with all of the hormones.  They have two embryos left from their last IVF and they decided to go with a gestastional carrier to conceive.

It was amazing that they were basically signing the papers for the gestational carrier i.e. practically conceiving a baby, just as she was heading in for her surgery.  How scary to have both things happen at once! But I also agree with her that the baby will give her something to look forward to and focus on besides the cancer.

And although it scares them, it's basically their only option.

Then, on The Little Couple (which I have only seen occasionally) they happened to be doing an egg retrieval.  What?!  How did I happen to stumble upon this show, on a totally different channel, right after Giulana and Bill?  Anyway.  She flew to LA for the retrieval - with 3 follicles - but got no eggs.  It was really sad. : (

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I really like that infertility has become more of a common topic on reality TV.  Khloe Kardashian (as much as I can't stand that family - I've only seen one episode of Khloe & Lamar) is even struggling to get pregnant.  Having these "famous" women share their infertility is really helpful for the rest of us.

I'm still not public.  But I kind of want to be.  I'm just scared to post to ALL of my Facebook "friends."

But I am very open about my struggles with all of my IRL friends.  Over the past year and half plus I have figured out who to share with and who not too.  90% of the people that I've talked to have been excellent.  They ask questions and show concern and support.  10% (the socially awkward type) can only say weird or annoying things, even when they mean well.  These are the ones that I stopped sharing with as soon as I started ART.  I'm thinking about opening my blog up to some of these people.  Especially my friends who are also struggling to conceive.

While I'm on the topic, I want to talk about my mom for a sec.  She is so careful with me, that she typically doesn't bring up the subject.  And it actually bothers me!  So she ends up thinking I don't want to talk to her about it and I end up getting annoyed that she isn't asking about it.  So last week when she kind of brought it up, I told her the truth.  I want her to call me and ask.  It's much more awkward to call her and bring up the topic.  I think she gets it.  (She was just trying to protect my feelings.)  And I'm glad I told her what I really want.

What I've realized through reading all of your blogs is that we are all a little different in what we need from others, what bothers us and what doesn't.  But the best way to know what someone struggling (from anything: cancer, IF, divorce) needs is to ask.


  1. My IF has been a strange topic of conversation with my mother as well. She's a nurse and tries to just know everything. When I told her we were having trouble conceiving, she asked if we were doing it right. She wasn't sure why I needed surgery to fix my uterine septum. Now that we're moving forward with IVF she's even more confused.

    1. That must be tough. She's a nurse, so she knows a lot about medicine, but she doesn't know about infertility. Maybe she needs to read your paperwork or you can point her to some blogs or articles...

  2. That is so very true. It is important to ask people what they need, and it's important to ask for support when we need it.

    I'm glad your side effects haven't been too bad. (I'm loving not being on Lupron!) Do you have another u/s tomorrow? Good luck!!!

  3. I watch G&B too, it never fails to make me cry. My husband even said "wow, that poor girl has been through it" when he was watching with me. I also watch the little couple for fertility reasons only, very sad.

    I needed my mom so much and I had to ask the same thing, and so glad I did, she has been one of the biggest supports and very understanding.

    I sometimes wish I didn't share my blog with IRL people, it would be nice to have that avenue sometimes just to vent without needing to check myself and others' feelings first and make sure I'm not spilling the beans about something. :) But in general, I'm glad I'm out to the world. I think it helps others understand where I am coming from.

  4. G&B ... I feel so sad for them - I pray they get their miracle baby someday.

    My mum asks questions, but doesn't quite know what to ask. She's happy with me telling her what I tell her, but I don't tend to talk about it unless somebody wants to know. It's hard trying to explain to people.

    Also, the part of that wants to protect myself tends to keep things inside so that if it fails, we don't get hundreds of questions.

    1. I don't have pay tv so I don't get to watch the show but I know about it. I think they have made the topic open to many couples struggling through IF.
      In the land down under IF is currently a storyline on a long running soapie, Neighbours. It makes a difference having something on tv that I can slightly relate to. It is a trashy show but I don't really care.
      My husband has done a lot of talking to his friends recently. This has helped a lot. It means they are not asking questions and even some of them opened up about their fertility struggles.
      My mother is to hard for me to talk to her about this. I don't want to. We are just not close in that way.