I feel like time is flying and going super slow all at the same time. It doesn't really make sense to me.
A friend asked me this morning if I was excited about IVF. I said, no...excited is not the right word.
She asked, nervous? No...not nervous either.
I still haven't thought of the word, but it's something along the lines of "just keeping going" (and that doesn't even work grammatically).
I guess cautiously optimistic would work but it would have to be mixed with cautiously pessimistic too.
I want this to work, but I'm not hoping it'll work.
The blog world has been amazing for me. I didn't know anything like this community existed. But with community comes a heavy dose of realism. I can list names of people I have never met for whom IVF still has not worked. Or it started to work, but ended in miscarriage. I can't ignore that. But I know that I need to be more than pessimistic to prepare my body. I definitely believe in the power of positive thinking.
I haven't quite figured out what I will do, what my mantra will be. I'm not sure how far I am going to take my diet, etc. (I have another post planned on that.) But I definitely want to give it the best shot I can...within the limits of my sanity.
In other news, I added up the cost for my meds. Looks like it'll be about $3,300. That's not bad! If only we didn't have to add it to $18k.